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Jules

August 9, 2006

I got pregnant by accident when I was 20. My partner and I were both musicians, neither of us had a regular income. Really it couldn’t have happened at a worse time, but we decided it wasn’t right to terminate and tried to make the best of things.

During the pregnancy I felt happy about my body for the first time ever. I’d been a chubby child, and as an adult was convinced I was fat, blindly refusing to factor in my height of 5’11″ in proportion to my weight. But with a smooth round, pregnant belly, I found myself attractive at last.

It didn’t last long!

After the birth I looked in the mirror naked and I cried. I looked like a road map, all purple and red. There was flab where I never knew flab could settle. I swore then and there that I would get my pre-pregnancy figure back.

I never did.

Now I’m on my own with my son, who’s autistic and quite hard to live with, and I despair sometimes. Who will want me now? Who would be mad enough to take on a single parent, one with a child with special needs and a disgustingly unattractive figure at that?

And then I found this site. It gave me such a jolt to see all these wonderful women with bodies like mine. And they weren’t in the least bit unattractive, in fact, they were all beautiful.

Which, I guess, means I am too.

photo

Good luck with the site, I really think what you’re doing is fantastic.

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15 Responses to “Jules”

  1. Manic Mom Says:
    August 9th, 2006 at 2:49 pm

    You’re beautiful and you’re strong. You’ll do great!

  2. Anonymous Says:
    August 9th, 2006 at 3:19 pm

    I re-married with an autistic (etc.) son and my husband is in every way his father. I know there are dark days of deep worry, but just consider him an excellent screening tool for potential mates. :) You wouldn’t want a man who can’t take the chaos!Lots of love.

  3. Stepherz Says:
    August 9th, 2006 at 8:27 pm

    You are absolutely beautiful! You will find love, I have no doubts. You will find someone who will love you and your son. It seems possible that you could be harder on yourself than your potential love would be. Love yourself too.

  4. Anonymous Says:
    August 9th, 2006 at 9:52 pm

    You are so young! Plenty of time to find the right guy who has his priorities in order. Keep your chin up and remember you ARE beautiful!

  5. anulaaa Says:
    August 10th, 2006 at 2:39 am

    I think living now with thought that i will never have a shape of Victoria Beckham can be devastating. Right now I am in second pregnancy, looking huge (24th week and 12kg+) but i hope that one day i will be able to come back to my old jeans. I will do my best but not starve myself to death as people sometimes do.

  6. Anonymous Says:
    August 10th, 2006 at 10:01 am

    Hi. I just wanted to give you some encouragement, even though I’m not a member here. My mother was a single mum raising an autistic child (me) for the longest time. It got tough for both of us, but she persevered, and I know you will as well.You are beautiful. Someday, you’ll find someone who loves both you and your baby– I know my mum did, and he was with her ’till the day she died. I also know first-hand how special and delightful autistic kids can be; whether high- or “low”-functioning, and from your photo, I can see that you’re beautiful.Good luck!

  7. katie Says:
    August 10th, 2006 at 6:42 pm

    You are young and lovely and well spoken. I am also sure that you are an excellent mother. You will find a partner in time, good luck, and thanks for sharing your story!

  8. Jules Says:
    August 11th, 2006 at 2:51 am

    Thankyou everybody. It’s lovely to read these comments. :D

  9. Tamara Joy Says:
    August 11th, 2006 at 11:13 am

    After I got divorced, I had three kids and had gone from a size four to a twelve! I have stretch marks from my breasts to my calves, but I started to do yoga and go on walks, just to feel better emotionally and physically. I became more fit, but kept the sag and the stripes. Nonetheless, I’ve been able to find a loving and accepting partner (we now have a little one together). Have confidence, take care of yourself, and DON’T SETTLE for the first guy who accepts you and your son…no matter the condition of your body or your child, you both deserve someone stable, noble, loving, and capable. (I made many mistakes, some dangerous, before I met my current partner). Big hugs to you and your son.

  10. Claire Says:
    August 13th, 2006 at 6:57 am

    Please don’t feel that wayI too developed an unbelievable amount of stretch marks and was left feeling alone and unattractive. I too used to despair that no-one could possibly be attacted to me….until one day I thought NO MOREI took up Thai Boxing -I lost weight, toned up, learnt self defence and self worth. My stretch marks are still there of course – but it’s self esteem that makes you attractive. I met a fantastic man who loves me and my still saggy belly. I hope this message gives you strength

  11. peppypilotgirl Says:
    August 13th, 2006 at 10:48 am

    I can see why you must feel like the world is a very bleak place. When we get into the darker corners of our lives, all the troubles come to settle into those corners with us.But, as others have said, you are beautiful and well spoken. These are the rays of the sun that should shine into the darkness for you.Love yourself, for you are worthy of love, and the world will follow you.

  12. Drea Says:
    August 14th, 2006 at 9:29 am

    Wow what a story.My heart goes out to you… and I just pray that through your experiences with your son and so on you will just grow to be a stronger person.Im sure you will find yourself a godo husband who does not look at petty things.If a man cannot get over the fact your son is autistic than he isnt worth it. You and your son deserve the best.Your belly doesnt look bad at all either.

  13. amster Says:
    August 15th, 2006 at 4:42 am

    I can relate to your post. I am on my own now too. My child is not autistic but I have had almost the exact same thoughts. Who would want me now? A single mom with a toddler, stretch marks, and extra baby weight that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere no matter how hard I try. This is a great site.

  14. Maelynne'sMOm Says:
    August 25th, 2006 at 3:04 am

    My youngest brother (of six kids) is autistic. I understand what you mean when you say its hard some days. But beleive me when I say it gets much better. My brother is 18 now and the sweetest person (and very handsome) you could ever have the pleasure of meeting. Also my mom found herself single after me the 4th child, and understandable heavier, but she met my stepdad who has been the only dad in my life. He excepted her, 4 kids belly and all, and he is a great man so you’ll find yours too just don’t settle for your sake and the sake of your son

  15. Anna Says:
    October 11th, 2007 at 9:13 am

    I remarried. I had 5 kids, a saggy tummy and one of my kids is autistic as well. Add to that a very difficult foster teen and there are still days I wonder why my awesome DH loves me so much and chose all of us…lol.

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