Number of pregnancies 4 (2) miscarriages (2)abortions
Please don’t judge me I have made mistakes just as any human being in the world ! I am 22 years old I was 17 when I had my first pregnancy I lived with my bf we were both in nursing school in Mexico and very happy for the little boy that was coming I miscarried on my 18th birthday of may 2008 was 3 months. I was grieving so much that I wanted to replace that baby I got pregnant in august and in October that year I came back to los Angeles to have my baby here the doctors couldn’t find a heartbeat so they performed a d&e. I was deveatated and became greatly depressed . I started to just focused on my school and a few months later of the following year I started a relationship with my childhood neighbor we dated for 1 year and a half and that’s when I became pregnant again I was so happy I was finally gonna have a baby , unil I told him I was pregnant he changed completely …I found out he had cheated on me all along with 10 other girls and I had contracted chlamydia from him I was devestated once again he told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and he wasn’t gonna help me that if I had the baby he was gonnamake my life miserable . I was petrified !! I cried everyday throughout my whole pregnancy I had no ones support my dad was against me having a baby at all at this young age . So I in January 2011 I was 17 weeks pregnant I had my first abortion. And I never saw him again ! I became even more depressed started drinking so much even started doing drugs . Later that year I started working in a convalescent home as a nurse assistant with the elderly and I found peace and happiness there I felt better being around them and taking care of them . In march 2012 I met what I believed was my soul mate . In April the following month I was pregnant again with a little girl that I named Isabelle I was extremely happy I would finally have a baby in my arms what I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother . The happiness didn’t last long me and isabelles father were living together …I found out he had been hiding from me that he was still legally married. I contacted the wife by looking through his phone and of course she said she too was pregnant . He changed completely with me I couldn’t trust him again everyday with him and his mother was a living hell for me . Arguing everyday until I couldn’t take it anymore I was 3 months pregnant when we got seperated . I felt lonely scared with no jib no one to help me but him but it was too late he said he didnt wanna be with me anymore he even started saying that my baby was not his it broke my heart . He prefered his family to our daughter and I . I begged him to work things out between us he said it was too late that he was going back to his wife . I was confused I felt betrayed I felt like trash I thought why bring this little girl into the world only to suffer how would I explain this to her when she got older ? So with my heart shattered into a million pieces I went to planned parenthood I was 20 weeks …it took me that long to decide if I wanted to do it or not. On Sept 5 of 2012 they stopped isabelles heart on Sep 6 they put me to sleep and took her out that day I felt like I died with her . I will never be the same again . I miss her so much . I regret so much I have nightmares about it.I cry everyday . I tried hurting my self . No one understands what I feel all this guilt I feel ! I would do anything to have her back in my belly kicking me waking me up at night’s . Her kicks were the most beautiful ..memorable moments of my life . I have started going to church I confessed and god knows I regret it . I only hope he grants me the wish of being a mother if not all I want is to be with isabellee and my other babies …what has happened to me is a living hell and I don’t wish it upon anyone . Thank u for reading .