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I’m so disappointed in myself. (Not Myself)

December 3, 2012

I have just given birth to my fourth child. I have had four c-sections now. Each pregnancy I have gained between 18-25kg (40-55pounds) but have been fortunate to lose it all each time.

I’m now 12 days PP and I’m feeling very depressed about myself. I can’t believe I’m now plus sized. I started this pregnancy at 58kg (127pds) (about 4kg (8pounds) over my ideal weight) and a size 10Australian sizing. I’m only 5ft 4.

I got to 80odd kg (178pounds) at the end of this pregnancy and 12days pp I am down to 70kg (154pounds). I feel like I’m going to have to hide in my house until I can shed some of these kilos. I’m horrified with my reflection. I know I’m not supped to focus on this right now, but I can’t seem to help it.

None of my clothes flatter my new shape and I feel so ashamed. :( I don’t feel myself as a bigger person. I really want this weight to move. :(

~Age: 35years
~Number of pregnancies and births: 8 pregnancies, 4 births.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 8, 6, 3 and newborn.

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12 Responses to “I’m so disappointed in myself. (Not Myself)”

  1. shannon Says:
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:12 am

    You will lose it in no time. I think you look great. You are not even 2 weeks pp. It makes me sad how hard and ridiculous women are on themselves. No worries, you look good and you will look even better in a few months.

  2. Natalie Says:
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    I am so sorry you feel like this at ONLY 12 days PP. Please give yourself time, at least few months. I think it is impossible to fit into your old clothes 2 weeks after giving birth. I was wearing maternity clothes for 2 months postpartum, honest.

  3. Sara Says:
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Umm…12 days postpartum….4th child….4th c-section. You are not even 2 weeks postpartum. Give yourself a break. Please. The swelling hasn’t even gone down yet. I am willing to bet that you’re still hanging onto some water weight too. Do you see the beautiful shape that you have? You need to be kind to yourself. Don’t worry about the weight right now. Take care of yourself and your children and so much of the extra weight will take care of itself when you get back to regular routines. Eat well and walk with the kids when you can. I understand wanting to feel like yourself right now. It is hard to wait for that but just take things one day at a time. I don’t know what kind of support you have but try and get a little time for yourself every week. Get a haircut you really love and put on some lipgloss! Feel pretty! The rest will come, I swear. Just give your body the time it needs to recover right now. Remember that we are always harder on ourselves than anyone else would ever be. To me you look incredible 12 days after your 4th c-section in 8 years. I say terrible things about my own body and yet hearing it from someone else simply breaks my heart.

  4. Colleen Says:
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Eight pregnancies, 4 c-sections (and 4 losses), and 24 pounds down in 12 days? Lady, you are amazing! It makes me so sad that you’re so hard on yourself. Look how little your waist is, highlighted by those lovely breasts :) And remember, your uterus isn’t back to it’s normal size, AND you probably still have some swelling from the surgery.

    You know what really helped me? For 10 weeks I wore a single pair of pants that fit me. They were ugly and kind of lazy looking. Finally, I gave in and bought a new pair of jeans because they were on sale. I feel SO MUCH BETTER having jeans that fit. It’s a little thing, but it was totally worth the $20. Buy one thing that flatters you right NOW and suddenly the rest seems better :)

  5. notmyself Says:
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:15 am

    I want to thank you all so much for your comments. Whilst my head knows I need to give myself time, my heart is freaking out. My husband came home from a work conference, a few months after I had our second child, covered in love bites so I think in some ways this post-pardum thing is partly an emotional insecurity I’m going to lose him.

    I’m now 6 weeks pp and I’ve only managed to lose 1kg which has caused me quite some depression.

    I have to get through each day, because I adore my children, but it cuts every morning to greet myself in the mirror, looking like I do. Some mornings I’m really angry about it.

    I’ve been given the all clear to start exercising and returning to normal life and I finally feel pain free. Whilst I’m not a fitness fanatic, I’m just going to get on with moving and living and pray the weight comes off.

  6. MNZ Says:
    December 18th, 2012 at 2:47 am

    Hi there, I would just like to put my hand up and say I know how you feel! I was the same weight and height pre pregnancy – but in my case Ive only had the one child and managed to put on 25kg during it!
    I know the first few months you can feel disapointed in yourself and can be a bit hard to want to dress up and look in the mirror and be happy with what you see but it does get better!!
    Just remember it is only early days still for you – and hey we get great boobs out of it!
    Why not go out and get your hair cut or a spray tan – something fun to help give you a little boost! :)

  7. Diana Says:
    December 21st, 2012 at 7:58 am

    I have never had any pregnancy, but still I had some real problems with my weight, so I understand perfectly how┬┤s waking up in the morning and be afraid, and ashamed and horrified by what you are going to see in the morning. But I knew I HAD THE POWER to look the way I wanted to look and be the way I wanted to be. So I radically changed my lifestyle. I started eating very healthy and doing a lot of sport and the results didn`t wait too much to come. My body is better day after day and I am starting to love it as I have never done:)
    Take time for yourself. Start eating healthy, do a lot of exercise. Take care of your skin by using organic, natural products. And be consistent!

  8. marielys Says:
    December 30th, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    you are only 12 days pp sweety, it takes TIME. you look great and trust me it will go down. but to help it along you can work out about 30 minutes a day you will see results. i am 4 months postpartum and had my baby via c section. at 2 months pp i STILL looked pregnant and even now i still have a gut but its going down littlle by little. i read somewhere it takes 10 months for your body to make a baby so give it atleast 12 to get back to good shape. you look great and just remember you did it for your beautiful blessing!

  9. Rachel Says:
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Be patient! If you’ve lost it all before, I bet you will again. Just find joy in the journey.

  10. Melissa Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    You’re kidding right? I’ve only had one baby (so far), nearly 2 years post-partum, same hight as you and I don’t like half as good as you, I weigh like 50 pounds more. You are definitely a yummy mummy and you should feel like it xxx

  11. notmyself Says:
    January 15th, 2013 at 8:01 am

    Thank you so much for your supportive words everyone. I’m now 11 weeks pp and I’ve lost a grand total of 3kg since that first week home. I am struggling mostly with social situations and I avoid so many things purely because I’m scared of how I look.

    My stomach has gone down heaps, in that I can hide it in baggy clothing now, but the overall weight is sticking. I’ve been eating well Diana but nothing seems to help. I’m too tired right now to exercise too much.

    I know it’s the least important thing in my life right now, especially with all these blessings (my children) but I am probably destroying relationships because I can’t bare to see some people because of my weight. I hate that.

  12. tiara Says:
    September 8th, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    I also have had 4 babies youngest being 3 months I delivered at 180 and I’m 155 right now. The last delivery was a emergency csection so my weight loss has been frustrating. i seem to be stuck here nut losing even with working out with a trainer. feeling FRUSTRATED!

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