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I Wish I Would Have Known (Khanna)

December 8, 2010

~Your Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 months

~Pre-pregancy weight- 113 pds
~Weight gained during pregnancy- 35 pds
~Post- pregnancy weight- 106 pds

I had my twin boys at 38 weeks they were 6 lb 7 oz and 6 lb 2 oz, 12 pounds of baby!!. I am 5’7 and gained 35 lbs with the pregnancy totaling to 149 and because I had been so thin my entire life couldn’t stand the weight I gained even though it was all just in my belly.

After I gave birth to my twin boys I suffered through postpartum depression and just four months before I gave birth I found out that my boyfriend at the time of 3 years that I was hoping to marry had another relationship with another woman for the entire duration of our relationship. So now I’m a single mother, I’m alone and I didn’t realize to the extent that my body would change. I wish someone in my entire life would’ve told me that this is what you will look like once you have a child. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my boys but I wish I would’ve been mentally prepared.

My friends and family think I’m crazy because I lost all of the pre-pregnancy weight and they say of course you don’t even look like I had a baby or when they do see me with a bathing suit on: Well you look good for having twins.. I want to look good because I look good not because I had a baby. I feel people don’t understand that losing weight is entirely different from the integrity of your skin (the wrinkles and stretch marks). Some days I feel really positive and say that it’ll change and it’ll get better. On other days like now..lol, I feel like who would want me now, I’m damaged goods mentally and physically from a previous relationship and can’t help but think when guys compliment me on my fully clothed body that I’m deceiving them because I have wrinkles in my tummy. I feel totally closed off to any sort of relationship because of how I look.

I never really cared about the stretch marks and just wanted my old tummy back with my old belly button which is an outie now and was an innie-outie before. The stretch marks are gradually fading away remarkably. I have put myself on a workout plan and have given myself until the twins are two to fully recover. Hopefully my esteem will come back and I’ll just focus on being strong for my boys, and raising them. Men have no idea what we women go through I wonder what they’d looked like after having a baby…lol

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23 Responses to “I Wish I Would Have Known (Khanna)”

  1. Shannon Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 7:24 am

    WOW…seriously, you look amazing! You are more toned than a lot of women who haven’t had kids. The TINY bit of loose skin is a reminder that you carried TWO human beings inside of you…how amazing is that? I have more loose skin than that after 2 single births! I am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend though. You can clearly do way better :) You can have any man with a hot body like that :) Smile mama!

  2. amanda Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 9:40 am

    You look fantastic!!! I’m jealous! You have fabulous tone to your stomach and still so slim! I have 2 kids 28 months apart and my stomach looks nothing like yours! I have so much flab! Please be thankful for your body and your adorable sons!

  3. Sarah P. Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 10:19 am

    I wish I could encourage you. First of all, you have an amazing body for ANYONE! I never have had ab muscles like that – before OR after birth! I mean, holy crap! And you had twins?! That’s so not fair!
    Second of all, you could never be damaged goods. You’re gorgeous and you have a freaking unbelievable body. Also, plenty of men have married and fallen in love with single moms. It’s not uncommon any more in this country for a woman to be a single mom. That’s an old school way of thinking, there.
    Thirdly, your boys are ridiculously cute. I mean, REALLY CUTE!!!

    I hope that you can get over this bump in the road. I hope that you will learn to realize that it’s ALL cognitive. The only barrier between you and feeling like you’re NOT damaged goods and that you’re a worthwhile woman is your way of thinking.

    Smile and lift your chin up. :)

  4. Colleen Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Your tummy looks amazing for having delivered 12 pounds of baby! I know you hate that qualifier but it’s true. Will it ever look like it used to? Probably not. But I was expecting this whole mass of loose skin and your skin is so tight! I’d never guess you had twins.

    I really admire your plan for weight loss. Giving yourself two years is such a fantastic idea, and it will give you plenty of time to achieve what you want without feeling down that you haven’t hit unreasonable deadlines. I bet it doesn’t even take the whole two years!

    And finally, I know two different people who had twins as teenagers (one woman actually had two sets, her first were born silent at 20 weeks), and they both went on to find loving husbands. You are not damaged goods; there are men–real men who aren’t so shallow to put down a mother’s body–who will find you beautiful no matter how “damaged” you think you are.

  5. Col Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    You look great! Any guy who doesn’t appreciate your new beautiful body doesn’t deserve your love. There are plenty of guys out there who would love your body, believe me, you’re hot!

  6. ana Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    Here is no preparation as the life itself, you look great!

  7. Jess Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    you really do look amazing… i didnt have twins but i did gain 70 pounds when i had my son… so my belly button is a bit deformed too… i have it pierced though and it really helps to cover up some of the weird skin around it… i know you would think it would just draw attention to the area in a bad way but it really doesn’t…

  8. Mandi Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you’re deceiving men when they complement your clothed belly.
    My belly button is now and outie and has stretch marks surrounding it, and i feel like i will never be confident enough to take my shirt off in front of a guy.
    You are incredibly strong and courageous.
    Thank you so much for posting this, i feel better knowing i’m not alone.

  9. Mary V Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 6:52 am

    Hahaha, I feel the same way when someone (friends or my hubby) tell me I look good for having two kids, first of all I just want to look good… dont throw in the “for” and second, they do not realize that I am being sucked in by body shapers! You do look amazing though, and gaining only 35lbs with twins blows my mind (I was 70lbs with my first and 40lbs with my second). Your still very slim and have a wonderful, athletic figure! I wouldnt worry too much, Im convinced that in the next few years there will be some breakthrough skin regeneration treatment that restores our bellies! Im sorry about your boyfriend though, maybe its going to be a blessing for your children to not go through any deception from him… Keep your head up!

  10. Ashley Says:
    December 14th, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    You look good, and you’re only 7m postpartum, I think your skin will continue to bounce back for at least another 7m! I wish I had found this site before my pregnancy, I didn’t know what could happen to a mothers body either! My mom is tiny and didn’t get a single stretch mark after 3 pregnancies, I defiantly wasn’t mentally prepared for getting any :(

  11. Khanna Says:
    December 15th, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Thanks for all the wonderful comments everyone.. Time has went by since this post and I my self -esteem is a lot better I’ve toned up pretty quickly then because I was working out intensely on a really good home workout program…. which helped with the loose skin… I still haven’t finished the program because I’ve slacked off but ill get to it..lol.. and hopefully I’ll feel confident in my skin once again..

  12. Liz Says:
    December 15th, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    Hey, Khanna! :)

    Let me just say that, Momma, you’re lookin’ gooooood! I’m so happy to hear that your self-esteem has improved since this was originally posted! I don’t doubt that you’ll continue to gain confidence as the months progress.

    I have to ask, what exercise workout program are you using? Please, share details!

    ((hugs))

  13. Khanna Says:
    December 16th, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    @Liz…Since Aug 09 which my pic is posted…(Im not advertising) p90x classic.. It works.

  14. L Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    wow you look fantastic. . i am 2.5 yrs pp with my youngest i work out and eat healthy and dont look like you. your body is small and tummy flat so what you have wrinkles/stretchies your tummy is beautiful you have twins remember?! lol and your only 7 months pp it will only get better. congrats on your boys and your weight loss. .

  15. L Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    also, i know what you mean when you say your decieving people because of whats underneath your clothes. im married but when everyone compliments me i think if you only knew all the marks underneath. . cant wear a two piece swim suit in public. also – sorry about your boyfriend thats an awful person right there. but your worth more than that!

  16. Khanna Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    UPdate~~~ I’m 10m pp and I still have wrinkly saggy skin even with the exercise. I was told by a professional that Im stuck with it… sad face sad face..:(..But has anyone had any problem with multitones skined my skin got so dark (as in the photos) and I still have dark spots like around my belly button has anyone else had this problem or is this only seen in darker skin types?

  17. rosie Says:
    February 24th, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Hi, I have a boy and also had twin girls. I carried them 39 weeks and they were almost 11 pounds together. My tummy is also stretched. I separated from the father of my kids and felt as you do, closed off to another relationship, scared of what another man would think of my body. The man i am with now pursued me and has gently broken through my barriers and despite all my insecurities loves me as i am. We are just normal women. Lots of women look like us. And you are gorgeous and any good man will no doubt see that. You deserve much better than what you had in your last relationship, don’t be afraid to let it in.

  18. Serrano Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Khanna, this is such an inspiring story and image! I was wondering if you had a diastasis recti (abdominal separation) and if the p90x helped or if you were able to do the abdominal exercises. Thanks!

  19. Danielle Says:
    April 29th, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    I have the same problem with the dark spots around the belly button so it is not just your skin type. I had boy/girl twins 2 1/2 years ago so I can tell you they should fade with time.

  20. Khanna Says:
    August 15th, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    The p90x helped somewhat with my distasis, half of it went back but I still have a pretty big hole at the top. But I can admit that I didn’t do the program to its full extent and still plan on doing another set. But I still have many insecurities about my twin skin, it may not look like it in the pictures, but it is really saggy for my thin frame. @Rosie-thanks for the encouragement, I’ve never felt so un-sexy in my life, So I hope you’re right, and I hope I find someone that will appreciate me for who I am.

  21. Jessie Says:
    January 5th, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Finally! I’ve found someone who has a tummy like mine! I went to 38 weeks with my twins also. I carried 12 pounds of baby also. I was 5’3 & 110lbs. before I got pregnant. I gained about 55lbs. I now weigh 119. My stomach is covered in stretch marks as well as my breasts, butt, and thighs. I have an outtie now too, and an ugly scar from wear I used to have a belly ring. My skin is wrinkly, and dark from being stretched so thin. I also have diastasis recti (where your abdominal muscles are seperaded), & I can often see and feel my intestons. This can only be fixed with a tummy tuck, which I cannot afford. I feel just like you do, very ashamed & wishing I would’ve known my body would look this way. I’m very glad to know there’s other moms out there like me. Thank god I’m not alone!

  22. Amy Says:
    January 17th, 2012 at 12:56 am

    I really feel for you and the thoughts you’ve had are just like mine…wanted to say that I (and I’m sure others) would be interested to see how your program/ two yr timeframe is going.

  23. shelly Says:
    March 1st, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    I had identical boys 4 months ago. I can relate to how you’re feeling. I am not recovering like I thought I would, and am totally frustrated. I wish someonw would have warned me about what my body would look like after pregnancy.

    My husband confessed to me that he cheated, while I was pregnant. Not that I would revenge cheat, but it would have been nice to have a night out with the girls feeling sexy after news like that.

    Instead, you can take solice in knowing someone is worse off than you. I’m living my days in big girl pants and maternity shirts still…

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