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I Was Afraid (Susan)

I Was Afraid, Susan
Age: 36
Pregnancies: 6
Births: 3
Children: Nicholas 7, Ella 5, Jack 3

I took these pictures for my blog. I took them to show the world, well the blog world, my post babies belly. I contemplated for literally an hour. I should, I shouldn’t. Ok I am, no no I can’t. Ultimately I was unable to share the pictures because I felt ashamed of my body. I had 3 miscarriages before finally conceiving and delivering my first baby. As all moms who have had trouble conceiving or staying pregnant know, this was not a happy time in life. So what did do to make myself feel better? I ate. 4 years and 3 breastfed babies, and one cesarean later my body had seen better days. I decided to take my body back for myself, after all there would be no more babies. My body was my own again and I deserved to treat it right. I have been consistently working out for over 2.5 years yet I’m still ashamed of my body. I don’t have stretch marks and no one sees my scar but I am still striving for that airbrushed look. When I saw this forum to show my pictures I figured why not. It’s me, it’s real and it’s the only body I’ve got. I better learn to love it.

in Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions

11 comments… add one

  • naturalgirl Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 9:55 am

    you look perfect! it’s the stretch marks that get me down, constant physical proof that i failed at a “cute” pregnancy. i ballooned and deflated, the baby was perfect but my body is ruined. saggy skin and deep scars, how did you tone your stomach so much, it’s amazing!

  • Alexis Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 12:20 pm

    I had a thought the other day while looking at my giant infant son; I am so happy to be alive. Not in the self-help way, but remembering giving birth to him and how I literally thought, in that awful transition/pushing phase, that maybe this pain would kill me. I was so relieved to be alive that I hardly even noticed the squirming baby on my chest, or my husband kissing me. I just stared at the baby and wondered how I was still breathing.

    Soon after I forgot this relief and whined about my patch of stretch marks and softer muscles. But lately I have been trying to recapture that gratitude – that feeling that I had survived this harrowing journey and I would have taken any scars or changes just to keep breathing and be done with the pain. No work out will ever feel worse than that, no physical marks will ever have been too much to take just to get out of that craziness.

    I know this isn’t a very “baby-centered” way to look one’s body but it works for me and I thought it might be a good thought to meditate on when you are feeling down about your mama’s body. You lived girl! 100 years ago that was CERTAINLY not a given – and even now many mamas do not know if they will make it out on the other end. Babies are miracles for sure, but so is the fact that we live to see another day!

  • Sarah Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 1:46 pm

    You look AMAZING… I’m 24 and only have one bub and don’t look half this good! Be proud, lovely lady!

  • Colleen Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 3:36 pm

    First of all, I had to giggle because my husband’s name is Nicholas and his mother was Susan :) Good combination of names!

    Second, your sentence ” I am still striving for that airbrushed look” makes me terribly sad. The airbrushed look is just that–airbrushed. Not real. Not how women should look. It makes me sad that that is what we think we should look like.

    You look absolutely amazing. If I saw you at the beach I’d never guess you had one child, let alone three! Good for you for working out, I hope devoutly that you can regain the confidence to love this body that you have “reclaimed” for yourself!

  • Colleen Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 4:24 pm

    P.S. I would kill for your level of tone!

  • Lauren Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 7:17 pm

    You look super fit!! Good for you!

  • Tiphanie Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 9:38 pm

    I think you look wonderful! ESPECIALLY for all your body has been through! Way to go! Get that Chin up and walk proud Mama!

  • Ashley Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 9:38 pm

    You’re waaaaay too hard on yourself, you look great, and not just for someone who has had 3 kids!

  • Leona Saturday, November 6, 2010, 6:48 am

    Heidi is that you?? If not, you look just like the Zumba instructor at our gym and she has the hottest fitest body I’ve ever seen.

  • Staci Saturday, November 6, 2010, 8:05 pm

    I’d take your body ANY day!!!!!!!!!

  • L Friday, February 18, 2011, 12:52 pm

    i also would love to have your body. i have stretchies on my belly hips and inner thighs. faint ones behind my knees. wish i could just look and feel normal. . be happy with what you have! you do look great and toned.

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