Prior to pregnancy I suffered an eating disorder that led me to live with an unhealthy weight of around 105 and lower. I am 5’5. Just prior to pregnancy I had gained enough to get my period back and sure enough, here I am today. I knew that I had to gain a “normal persons weight” as well as pregnancy weight in order to be healthy and…so I did. Obvsiously this took a drastic tole on my body and shape during the process. I went from about 105 to 208 on the day of my sons birth. My tiny perky boobs turned into tiny sagging breasts which was devastating for me and my body concious self. My flat stomach turned into dough and no matter how often during these past three years I have worked out , it just wont changed and for me, it has been three years not months. I have tried everything. Because I am open to plastic surgery I will be having a tummy tuck in the future after another child. Thankfully, I am with someone that I truly love who loves my body that I have not fully shown him. I understand where all of you are coming from and it is so sad. I am actually even more sad to see there are so many of us feeling this way although it is inspiration at the same time. I feel horribly about my body but it is odd that when I look at all of you I see so much beauty in what all of you find ugly. I see your bodies as a story, well travelled, beautiful process. I just do not see myself in that light. It feels devastating.
I am trying to work on embracing my body but I know that it will take time.
I hope that we can all learn to appreciate the beauty that we have in ourselves and stop looking at the outside.
My partner says that he does not mind the marks and extra skin that I worry about and I try to believe him. He is so genuine when he says it though. I am working on trusting that. He says that he fell in love with me after I had my child and this body so why would be ever judge it now. Most importantly what I think we all need to know is. When a man who loves you looks at you, he DOES feel the same way we feel when we look at them without judgement. He said, “When I look at you I see you as a whole, one person, the person that I love. I dont look at you in portins and pieces that are separate. You are just you, as a whole and I love that”
Hopefully this helps :) I am trying myself….Good luck to all of you beautiful women.
~22 Year old Mom of a 3 year old