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I Want to See it as Beautiful (Anonymous)

April 12, 2009

Prior to pregnancy I suffered an eating disorder that led me to live with an unhealthy weight of around 105 and lower. I am 5’5. Just prior to pregnancy I had gained enough to get my period back and sure enough, here I am today. I knew that I had to gain a “normal persons weight” as well as pregnancy weight in order to be healthy and…so I did. Obvsiously this took a drastic tole on my body and shape during the process. I went from about 105 to 208 on the day of my sons birth. My tiny perky boobs turned into tiny sagging breasts which was devastating for me and my body concious self. My flat stomach turned into dough and no matter how often during these past three years I have worked out , it just wont changed and for me, it has been three years not months. I have tried everything. Because I am open to plastic surgery I will be having a tummy tuck in the future after another child. Thankfully, I am with someone that I truly love who loves my body that I have not fully shown him. I understand where all of you are coming from and it is so sad. I am actually even more sad to see there are so many of us feeling this way although it is inspiration at the same time. I feel horribly about my body but it is odd that when I look at all of you I see so much beauty in what all of you find ugly. I see your bodies as a story, well travelled, beautiful process. I just do not see myself in that light. It feels devastating.

I am trying to work on embracing my body but I know that it will take time.
I hope that we can all learn to appreciate the beauty that we have in ourselves and stop looking at the outside.

My partner says that he does not mind the marks and extra skin that I worry about and I try to believe him. He is so genuine when he says it though. I am working on trusting that. He says that he fell in love with me after I had my child and this body so why would be ever judge it now. Most importantly what I think we all need to know is. When a man who loves you looks at you, he DOES feel the same way we feel when we look at them without judgement. He said, “When I look at you I see you as a whole, one person, the person that I love. I dont look at you in portins and pieces that are separate. You are just you, as a whole and I love that”

Hopefully this helps :) I am trying myself….Good luck to all of you beautiful women.

~22 Year old Mom of a 3 year old

Updated here.

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23 Responses to “I Want to See it as Beautiful (Anonymous)”

  1. Healthnut Mama Says:
    April 12th, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    Are these your “after” pics? the way you described yourself, I was expecting something VERY different. You look really, really good!! You would be wasting your money on a plastic surgeon.

  2. Krystal Says:
    April 12th, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Your stomach really does look amazing!! Please believe that. I wouldn’t even post a comment if I didn’t think that. You have a great shaped bottom too!! You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You look great plus you have a 3 year old and I couldn’t even tell.

  3. amanda Says:
    April 12th, 2009 at 11:39 pm

    You really do look beautiful….you have a flat tummy and a great butt!!!

  4. Angele Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 5:05 am

    OMG! no plastic surgery needed hun! Your body is so beautiful!! Absolutely beautiful!

  5. Cierra Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 5:19 am

    I too suffered from an eating disorder. I was 5’4″ and 107 when my boyfriend and I decided to get pregnant. I had to gain weight to get pregnant as well, and well my body stored EVERYTHING I ate as a result of constant previously fasting all the time. By the time I delivered I had gained around 93lbs and sheesh, it would be a dream to look as you do now. My stomache is all wrinkles and lumps. My boobs went from a 32B to something larger then 36E… so I know all about the droop! haha. I know its tough to find the ability to love your body, If you ever do let me know because I’m trying so hard. <3 Best of Luck

  6. Megan Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 5:35 am

    I was reading this expecting to see lots of stretchmarks, etc. But when I scrolled down I was blown away. I think your body is in great shape, and personally, I think you look like you’re at a healthy weight and are not in need of a tummy tuck. You just need the confidence to believe that you’re an attractive person. You look great!

  7. summer Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 9:10 am

    You look good what are you talking about! The feelings of insecurity I just don’t get… Your tummy is nice and flat. If I looked like that I would definitely be in a bikini this summer. You’re a beautiful woman and mother.

  8. cmom Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    The one thing that stands out here in so many stories that I find very sad— how frequently women make comments such as: “he loves me how I am” “he says my body is ok with him” “he has no problem with my extra skin” — why are so many women measuring their own value by what the men in their lives think? I just don’t get it… what I think about my body comes from ME, not from anyone else.

  9. diana Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    you look smokin and you know it, you have a great ass and stomach, im jealous!

  10. mrs. petunia Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    You look very beautiful! PLEASE don’t get a tummy tuck! I say that NOT because I am necessarily against them but because you really don’t need one. You have a really nice flat tum and if you pursued surgery you’d be left with a completely unnecessary scar. BTW, your butt is cute too:) I’m proud of you for having a child and gaining the necessary weight to keep you and baby healthy. I know that’s tough when you’ve had an eating disorder and that was a very selfless thing to do.

  11. Jill Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    I was expecting your tummy to look a LOT different before I got to the pics! It’s so smooth and flat! Why would you get it tucked? Trust me, it looks great!

  12. Tab Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    I really empathize with you about the boobs. I was so vain about my “perfect” little pre-baby boobs, and I would forgo a bra quite frequently because I thought they were pretty, and now they’re so different, all hanging and thin, especially when I lean over. I’m twenty-one, seven months postpartum, and I swear my boobs look like they’re twenty years older than my face looks…the silly thing is, I had no idea going into my pregnancy that their shape was going to change permanently, and it has been really hard to cope with.

    As far as working out the abs, have you tried core strengthening yoga? it has really helped me.

  13. Jill Says:
    April 14th, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    dang you look just like me but with a better stomach! I’m jealous! you look great :)

  14. Sarah Says:
    April 15th, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    You look just like me. :D And we’re pretty beautiful IMO. Small breasts, dimpled bottom, sexy figure. ;)

  15. kay Says:
    April 16th, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    you look amazing! think – it u got a TT you’ll lose your tat. :)

  16. Poster Says:
    April 20th, 2009 at 3:20 am

    Thank you so much for your comments. I was really afraid initially to put pictures up. This is the first time anyone has seen my body naked since the birth of my son! I do not see myself the way that all of you do and since posting I have really had time to think about body image and the way that I see myself. I think that I have realized that if I was 105lbs and my stomach was flat, boobs perky…I would hate my ears. I will probably never be satisfied if I take the route of plastic surgery and plus…I may want more children. I will worry about that extra skin later. For now, Ill laugh about it and try to enjoy all of the clothes and bras and other secret ways to hide it. At least I am not in this battle alone :) Good luck to all of you!

  17. Ruth Says:
    May 10th, 2009 at 11:14 am

    flat tummy hot butt nice boobs.. wow! what on earth would you want plastic surgery for?! and why not show off to the guy who loves you to bits?

  18. Lynne Says:
    May 11th, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    When I was younger I was anorexic, so I can understand the whole distorted body image thing. I do that with myself all the time, but when I saw your pictures, I thought, “This girl is beautiful!” You do not have loose saggy stomach skin (I got that with my first when I was 19, and I gained 45 pounds). Your stomach can pass for someone who hasn’t had children, and I can hardly believe you gained 100 pounds! I am in awe of the elasticity of your skin. Also, your breasts are not bad at all! I think if you did some toning with push ups and other chest and arm exercises, it would help lift and support the area your concerned about. But I’m telling you, they’re nothing to be ashamed of. I hope you start feeling better about yourself, you’re amazing!

  19. jenn Says:
    June 3rd, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    you look amazing!!!! i have two babies 14 months apart and i hope in three years i look half as good as you do!!! you go momma!

  20. Anon Says:
    August 21st, 2009 at 5:43 am

    I too had an eating disorder in high school, and I understand. But, girl, you look amazing! I wish I looked like that before I got pregnant.

  21. Poster Says:
    December 30th, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    Just checking in after remembering I had posted here! The special someone in my life had secretly found this posting of mine and brought it up to me this month explaining how proud he was and how much he loved finally getting to see my body. I was mortified but then I came to realize that I should never have been ashamed. It was a great way to reveal myself and the positive comments have been so helpful to me : ) It is still a struggle for me but I have come a long way since this posting. I love my body more and although I have my ups and downs and days where I feel I am back to square one…in general I find myself realizing with time that there are many more things I should be focusing on than my body. There are many more things we should be thankful for and thinking about than how horrible we feel about our bodies. When it comes down to it, we should be surrounding ourselves with positive people and influences anyways and so if you are the one being the most negative about your body then….There will always be things that we cannot change and our post pregnancy bodies are one of those things. We can improve it but it will always be a bit different. The easiest and healthiest route is to learn to appreicate and love yourself the way you are…if you dont, you could be looking at the same body a few years from now with much more time wasted than spent moving forward and enjoying what god gave you : )

    Best of luck again to everyone !!!

    You are all beautiful !

  22. Marz Says:
    September 11th, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    your genes must have been a gift from the gods or something to have gained 100lbs and look like that! (shit to look like that, period, who’re you kidding??) And the fact that your belly button looks normal, too :)
    I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for the past 13 years; I never got down to skeletal proportions (I was more concerned with keeping my secret and maintaining than becoming so thin I would be forced to gain weight). But I completely understand your sentiments toward your body– and as such, I’m even happier that you found a man who worships you and makes you feel beautiful no matter how much you weigh (my husband has done wonders for me, although I’ve developed a Jekyll-Hyde attitude toward my body now, lol).
    I know that compliments will only go so far; you’ll probably think to yourself “well, the pictures don’t really show how bad I am” but you really are in possession of a greatly shaped body.
    Congratulations on being one hot momma with one hot ass! :D

  23. Poster Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    Thank you so much :) I did gain a lot of weight but I began training to be in law enforcement immediately after having my son, (exactly 3 months after), and I really had to force myself to catch up with women who hadn’t had a baby!
    I still struggle with showing my body to my partner, I have the same attitude that you do, jekyll-hyde with it ! I think it is funny someone else shares that perspective ! Some days I am feeling like a million bucks, others I feel I need to hide my body away. Do you feel it is partly to do with the past eating disorder? I do.. I try to keep it under wraps but I still feel the activity that keeps me in check and thinking/feeling postive is running. I find it is stress relief and makes me feel incredible after I am finished. I run every second day and in between I try to do weights…(if my little one will let me ) : ) I had to start slow with the running as I suffered an injury or two at first but now I have been sticking to running for five years. Around my area a lot of women have work out clubs out doors as well. They bring their little ones in strollers and do it together..for FREE ! A woman in the community came up with the idea and they meet every week 2x. I feel like it is a great way to bring women together….feeling good about their bodies :)

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