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I Need Some Help (Shannon)

February 17, 2011

Previous entries here:
Missing My Baby Boy
5 Weeks PP
2.5 Months PP
6 Months PP
15 Month PP

I have posted on here 4 times already…and my last post was just a 1.5 months ago…but I need some help from you fellow Mamas…I feel so horrible about my body. I want to love it for giving me my boys, but I can’t. I cry about it all the time, and then I cry for crying about it because it gave me Connor and Liam. I just can’t help it. I feel so ugly…I don’t understand how my husband could find me attractive (I usually don’t even trust/listen to him when he tells me I am), I do not see a pretty girl at all. I see a fat, saggy, gross girl every time I look in the mirror. I know I am a good mother, I am just not a pretty mother. I hate my body so much that it is not healthy. If there is nudity in a movie I am watching with my husband I feel horrible, like he would want someone with a body like that instead of mine. I am fat, saggy, and stretched. I want to feel beautiful when I look in the mirror…I love my body for what it did…but not the way it looks. Please help…I exercise and eat healthy, and I am still gross…any exercise advice would be great…Sorry for the vent…I know there are worse things in life (trust me, I know) I just hate living like this…I want to feel pretty

Updated here.

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18 Responses to “I Need Some Help (Shannon)”

  1. Shannon Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Wow…I wrote this a long time ago. Liam is 22 months now (I didn’t even remember writing this, that is how long ago it was!). I still do not LOVE my body, and i still cry over it sometimes…but I have gotten better about it. I am trying to accept my body, and I am trying to eat clean and incorporate more exercise (which has been difficult with school and nannying…oh, and taking care of Liam!). Anyway…I don’t feel THIS bad anymore (well I do sometimes). I do not let my husband see me naked, it is always lights off…even in the shower…so I know that’s not healthy! I am sure I will post by Liam’s 2nd birthday. This gives me 2 months to work on my confidence :)

  2. amber Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 8:09 am

    I am 8 mos post partum and feel and see myself just like you do…excatly. there are constant negative thoughts. And I feel like a horrible person because there are people out there who have “real” problems and I just want to cry about some loose skin. I dont have any advice for you but I though you might like to know you are not alone.

  3. Mina Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Oh Shannon, I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I have gone through periods where I have felt as desperate as you describe yourself, and it’s a terrible feeling. I wish I had concrete advice for you…is it possible for you to talk with a counselor at all? I suggest this because you have been through so very much, and it seems possible to me that your feelings about your body are intertwined with the terrible loss you’ve suffered and the emotions that have followed. So glad you wrote and recognized that you need help.

  4. Mary V Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 8:19 am

    I know how you feel, to be honest I spent the last few years hate/loving my body. Its not fun, and I think I may have had post partum depression after my second. Over the last year I have been doing yoga and pilates, I also picked up running which has relieved a lot of anxiety (I run about 2-3 times a week).
    My husband and I decided to try something different for intimacy, since I was uncomfortable with my body. We spend the evenings doing something together, movie or just before bed chatting. But we spend the entire time holding hands, and exchanging kisses. It has helped us reconnect, and I am feeling more sexy.
    I think that being satisfied with my relationship and overall more happy each day has helped my body let go of some post partum weight, I havent lost much but the “fluff” has slimmed down to reveal a more toned body.
    I have a new post that will be on here within the next week or two, mentally I am so different and its shows on my body. Try to stay positive and do what feels right for your body. Good luck on your journey :)

  5. sia Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 10:10 am

    i swear when i was reading it it was like i wrote it. I know EXACTLY how you feel about movies. when we watch one, he now looks away because he knows i get really upset. My weight is on my mind 24/7. I cry about my weight and then cry about crying about it too. its the worst cycle. I love my daughter more then life but i cant love myself. I am only 7 months pp so your acceptence to your body has given me hope :)i love forward to your next post!!

  6. Ana Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 11:42 am

    I am new here, so I just read your previous 4 posts. You went through so much and I just want to say that you are an amazing, strong person. You do look great also on your PP pic, honestly.

  7. amber Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    I know how you feel. I struggle daily – i posted blessed&tortured.

    I find that the more i exercise the better i feel MENTALLY about myself…. its helps SO much

  8. terri c Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Oh, Shannon, I am glad you are feeling somewhat better. I looked at your 18-month update again and hope you can come to trust your husband’s admiration of your body–we as women can be our own worst critics. And Mary V., I love the way you and your husband have found for connecting to one another. You deserve to feel your beauty and appeal!

  9. MJ Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    i think you look perfect! i am sooo sorry for your loss… you are a very strong person to be able to go thru what you have! keep up the good work, i use to think the same thing about other naked women on tv but i dont care anymore i figure if my dh wants someone else he will go find it and he apparently doesnt cause he is still with me!! GL! and congrats on your new addition Liam!!

  10. Sarah P. Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Shannon, out of all of the journeys I have seen on this site, I have enjoyed yours the most. I always remember you. You have come so far! Keep on going. Keep your chin up. I hope, though, that when you say you’re crying a lot that it isn’t so often that it’s debilitating. If it is, I urge you to seek counseling of some sort. I think that will make a huge world of difference for you. I’m wishing you all of the luck and blessings in the world. God bless you. :)

  11. Sarah P. Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    ETA: Shannon, I just had a thought. You said that you’re in nursing school. I’m also in school and I’m finally graduating in May. We have on campus free counseling for MA students. I bet your school has that, too. You don’t have to deal with this alone. I hope that helps. :)

  12. Sarah P. Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    *Sorry… I meant that the counseling center is run by Master’s students. Ugh. I can’t write today, apparently. :P Anyway, it’s free for all students.

    Sorry, TSOAM for all of the posts.

  13. Jenny W Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    I completely understand how you feel. I hate looking at myself naked or anyone else looking at me for that matter. I used to feel pretty and I no longer feel that way about myself. But I do have to say I have read your older post and you are very beautiful. I honestly do think you are a very sexy woman, but I know hearing that doesn’t mean much. People can say it to me all day and it doesn’t change how I feel about myself. But with that being said, we somehow need to find a way to feel good about ourselves. I have only been doing the Tracy Anderson PP dvd and it has helped so much. It doesnt look the way I’d like but from the time I started it til now, it has gotten sooo much better! So maybe it is something you could try! Btw my post was under 22 and 2 kids later!

  14. Shannon Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Everyone: Thank you so much :)
    It means a lot to have the support from all of you other moms out there.

    Sarah P: It is not debilitating…I still get out of bed every morning, shower, take care of 2 kids, cook, clean, and go to night school! I just get really down sometimes, and if my husband and I have plans to go to dinner I may be too sad to go :(

    Jenny W: I have seen your post, and you look awesome!!!!

    Mary V: I like the idea of holding hands and little kisses…like puppy love all over again!

    Amber: I have looked at your post, and you look awesome to me! Our bellies are similar (except you don’t have the ledge)…and you look great!

    Everyone else: Thank you so much for all of the kind words. I am trying to love myself. I get so embarrassed that I cry over my body when I have been through such more difficult things. I should love it! So, I will try to keep working on that. i have a horrible sweet tooth, and I give into it a lot (today I had 2 coco cream puff donuts from dunkins!) and every time I give into the sweet tooth, I feel shame and guilt. I really home to be able to eat clean at least 85% of the time. I hope to start working out more regularly soon. I am getting a mini trampoline this weekend…so even just 10 minutes on that a day will help :) Again, I will post on Liam’s 2nd birthday, hopefully being proud and confident of the new body my babies gave me.

  15. Christina Says:
    February 17th, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Shannon,
    I am a personal trainer and mama to five kids. I haven’t read through the posts, however if you’d like advice feel free to contact me via email.

  16. Shannon Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Christina: Thank you! What is your email?

  17. Candice Says:
    February 26th, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    I remember your other posts, as I’ve been following this site for a couple of years. When I first started coming here, my husband completely misunderstood why I did–he thought I was “torturing” myself by beating myself up. But what I was doing was trying to find other mothers whose bodies resembled my own and who were enduring body image issues/lack of acceptance like I was (and still am, to a lesser degree). I wish I could make you feel better about yourself. You’re a young, beautiful woman who has made beautiful babies. It saddens me that we live in a society where so much emphasis is placed on body image, rather than the truly important things like being a good person and taking care of oneself. It makes me angry, too. I hope that you come to find peace with yourself and your body. No one can do that for you. I still struggle–my body is similar to yours and I have the “mother’s apron” or “ledge” as you call it. I’m 7 months pp with my third child, so I still have a long way to go with weight loss and getting in shape, plus I’ll be 40 in a couple of weeks. I always have to remind myself that I have healthy, beautiful, and amazing children and that my body, for all its bumps, spider veins, stretch marks, and other various battle scars, carried these humans for 10 months each–that’s no easy feat! Please try to be more gentle with yourself, you really do deserve that! And enjoy that beautiful little boy who helped shape you into who you are today.

  18. Pastor David, RN Says:
    December 14th, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    My wife gave birth to 12 children, and the extra skin of her abdomen shows it. She is the most beautiful woman in the world, in my book, and as an L&D nurse I routinely see the bodies of many very lovely ladies. Believe your husband when he tells you how beautiful you are. Believe him now, and believe him forty years from now, when hopefully he will still be saying it. If those words truly come from his heart, rejoice that you have a man who has not been sucked into the popular but superficial standards of beauty that pass so quickly in this life. Your mother love, forever embedded in your body and soul, is a divine standard of beauty that will outlast the stars. Believe it.

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