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I Need Encouragement (Anonymous)

January 3, 2009

My beautiful, rewarding, amazing son was born ten months ago. I wanted him, but had no idea how much my life, including my body would change. Most of the changes are awesome. Sometimes I wonder if I suffer from post part em depression. I see this site and think I am being heartless and selfish for complaining about the way I look. I am just having a difficult time coping. I feel like I do not have the time or motivation to work out. My husband is big into fitness and is always at the gym and eating right. I try to watch what I eat, but sometimes I just give up and feel like I am always going to look like this. My boobs fell, my nipples are enormous, my butt fell,my arms wave that “thing” with the slightest motion, and I still have about fifteen pounds of baby fat left. I am only 22 and when I get the chance to go visit old friends and we are getting dressed for the evening, looking at them hurts. I remember looking like that and I envy their bodies. I want to love my body, but the truth is I don’t…I obsess over my naked body and how I wish it looked. The women on this site are amazing and I hope to gain the kind of hope and confidence they possess. My husband tells me Im beautiful all the time and that he loves how I look. I just get so jealous and hurt even when a Victoria’s Secret commercial comes on. I am secretly hoping he does not notice because I do not want him to see them and wish I looked like that..my son is so worth this pain I feel, I just feel like I am in a slump that I can’t get out of..all i want to do is sleep all day. I love my life, I just don’t enjoy shopping anymore or getting ready to go out..am I cold? Is this normal? Almost a year..I just want to loose the 15 pounds or so..advice please!



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14 Responses to “I Need Encouragement (Anonymous)”

  1. Tee Says:
    January 4th, 2009 at 12:21 am

    I so can relate to what you are feeling. LOL as I read what you write about how those Vicki’s secret commercials make you think, cause the exact same thoughts run through my head when I see em’too. But you know most of those girls will not experience the joy of motherhood for fear of what it might do to their bodies and for fear not being able to maintain the abnormal weight and figures they previously had. Sad! But you my dear have gotten to know what a joy motherhood is! And as for your pics I think you look awesome! Hold your head high and be proud of what your body has done.nothing is sexier than a lil confidence even if things don’t look quite the same. You look great!

  2. Ange Says:
    January 4th, 2009 at 2:36 am

    YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!!! and congratulations on the birth of your son, well done mama!!

    Firstly I reccommend you talking to your local doctor about possible post-partum depression. Its possible for it to happen even up to 3years after birth!!!

    I can totally understand your skirmishness toward other women, but remember those flaming models on tv have nothing in their lives (probably) other than their bodies. I would presume most of them aren’t mothers. And tv ads etc are all computer generated and modified. I’m sure if you saw these models in real life they would look very differently. Pimply faces etc :-) And anyway, they’re probably only 15!

    Listen to your husband. Ignore that he’s a fitness fanatic in the sense of it making you feel guilty. He loves you so keep that in mind. Maybe get him to help out with a bit of a fitness regime for you, or get him to take your son so you can do something fitness-like at home – away from other people so you can build up confidence before ‘going out there’ in front of others to a gym or so.

    In my eyes you look very beautiful in these pix. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. But mentally I get your situation. Therefore I do suggest talking to someone.

    Take it easy on yourself, your body has been through a lot recently. Forget the others (superficial people) in life, they don’t matter. Change the chanel, leave the room, whatever just get away from it.

    Best wishes
    Ange
    xx

  3. admirer Says:
    January 4th, 2009 at 6:29 am

    Your so-called “enormous nipples” are actually quite gorgeous.

  4. charity Says:
    January 4th, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    i believe only two of them are moms… heidi klum is a mother of 2… and if she wasn’t so sweet in all her interviews, i’d hate her. as it is, i look up to her.

  5. Rachel Says:
    January 4th, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Hi! When I was reading your thoughts I was not expecting you to be so thin! But I understand. I had my daughter almost 6 months ago and people always say “you look so good for just having a baby!” but all I can think is: “and you haven’t seen me naked!” I am constantly in envy of models I see on tv and magazines. I can’t make love with my husband sometimes because of the loose skin (which he says is imaginary) no matter how thin or thick you are it is hard to accept the postpartum body. It changes so fast during pregnancy that we aren’t prepared for the even smallest things! I don’t think there are many women who are satisfied anyway. I was taken aback by you if that helps. Try not to be hard on yourself!

  6. Mike Says:
    January 8th, 2009 at 4:31 am

    I hope this encouragement helps because you have a wonderful body. It great to see you want to lose weight. I suggest you cut out all High Fructose Corn Sryup and high doses of regular corn sryup. As the body can not break down these substances normaly like regular sugar. Try to walk 30 minuetes everyday and or ride and excersice bike or some other activity.

    Your breasts are perfect and if you could see it from a mans point of view you would see you how apealing you are. Your average man prefers a natural women to what they show on TV as Telivision does not potray what real men are attracted to. Just because some big shot TV producers like women to look that way, they speak for a minority of men.

  7. Jessica Says:
    February 17th, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    I am soooo glad I found this site. I was beginning to think that I was crazy for the way I thought! I think exactly like you; however, I know I have depression! My second son is also 10 months! I just found this site today so I won’t have the courage to post a pic yet but i’m hoping some day i will!

    I wish I could meet people like the gals on this site in real life! Im starting to deal with the changes but my first son is over 2 now and its taken me that long to start accepting!

    You look great! :)

  8. Veronnica Says:
    March 5th, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    I can relate. You may have post partum depression. My youngest is two and I think of suicide on a daily basis.

  9. Molly Says:
    March 16th, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    First off: Victoria’s Secret ads just plain suck. They’re an embarassment to women everywhere!

    But your body isn’t! You look like -me-! (And I’ve never been pregnant!)

    :) <3

  10. Elisa Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    i also have never been pregnant and i wish i had your butt! but that’s okay. It may take time for ALL OF US to realize we’re being so neurotic about the way our bodies look and the way the media says they SHOULD look. To me, you look perfect and I really, TRULLY hope I’ll be looking like you after I give birth.

  11. sarah Says:
    April 21st, 2009 at 2:38 am

    Its sad how we as women are BOMBARDED with media images of half naked airbrushed women. We have fake women on t.v., at the movie theater, sheesh we even have them staring at us from the magazine stand while we’re waiting in line to buy our groceries!! It makes me sad for women everywhere, young girls growing into their bodies, post pregnancy women adjusting to their new bodies, and older women coming to grips with their aging bodies. Somewhere within though we must find the confidence to overcome these social stigmas and rise above what the world wants to deceive us with. Our bodies are not made to be perfect, they are made to be loved. I really encourage you to cherish your husband and BELIEVE that he thinks you are beautiful when he says it. He loves you and I hope and pray you can someday find the beauty within yourself because YOU DESERVE IT!! And by golly, turn OFF that t.v. for a while!! It can really help clear your mind and get those negative images out of your head!! Good luck sweetie and I pray that you will soon admire your body for the beautiful LIFE it created! :D

  12. Pamela Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    I can so relate to you. I was tiny before my daughter (5’5 110) and I always thought I would bounce back but now 2 years later I find myself still struggling to accept my body. I had my daughter a month before my 23rd birthday and like you I envy my friends perfect boobs and there stretch mark free stomachs. I hate looking at VS catalogs because I think that stomach was mine once, why can’t I get it back? Don’t beat yourself up with the images of all these moms with perfect bodies, who wouldn’t have a great body if they had an in home nanny, chef, personal trainer and nutritionist at their beck and call? Think about that? And unless she has some superhuman gene, there is no way Heidi Klum had 3 kids and a stomach like that..its called laser surgery, expensive skin treatments and air brushing! For us moms who might not have the time or financial resources to look like that, we are forced to come to terms with our bodies. So I may not look like Heidi Klum, but my kid is way cuter than hers..just kidding..lol! Even if I may never walk a run way in my lingerie, I have a beautiful daughter to show for it and like you we have to learn that it is a journey to accept and love ourselves for the amazing women we know we are.

  13. Julie Says:
    November 4th, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    I just had my fourth child, 10 years after the birth of my 3rd. My body was never the same after the birth of my first son…he gave me every stretch mark I have and was born C-sec. so my belly has never been the same. I never really worked out hard until I left my husband in 2009…I really didn’t think anyone would ever want to be with me b/c i had 3 kids AND my body was a road map of stretch marks and loose skin. I ended up with a gorgeous man 4 yrs younger than me who loved my body and didn’t care that I wasn’t perfect!!! Imagine that, he could have had any young girl he wanted but he chose ME and my body!!! I gave birth to his son less than 2 months ago and even though i don’t look like i did when i got pregnant he still loves my body…I have lost all my pregnancy weight but will always have my trophy scars…for my 4 beautiful children that were so worth it!!! Hold your head high and love your body…mothers are beautiful creatures!!!

  14. Leona Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 7:43 am

    Your butt didn’t fall! You don’t even have a crease under it!! And men love big nipples. I can tell you are young as your skin is quite firm and you are still slim. I had four kids in five years and when I first gave birth at 24 I was horrified – my stomach muscles split during pregnancy and damaged my skin so badly, my stomach just collapsed after I gave birth and it looked like a giant wrinkled sack that hung down. I had to have a tummy tuck after the fourth baby to repair the damaged muscles and remove all the extra skin. My abusive marriage also ended after 10 years and I thought no man would ever love me again. However, I started going out dancing, lost weight, started exercising regularly and although I am not perfect, I still wear a bikini at my age and have allowed myself not to be perfect but I have men chasing me all the time now. It’s all in the confident, sexy attitude that I project and truly feel even though I am 40 lbs heavier than I was prior to babies. You could be suffering post-partum depression. Please go talk to a therapist and deal with this now.

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