# of pregnancies/births/cesareans: 2
Age of children: 2 1/2(born:2008) and 13months(born:2009)
Postpartum: 13months as of 10/10
I got pregnant for the first time at 17, before then i had always worried about my weight and at 5’6″ 147lbs i wasn’t over weight. Now i am 286lbs and i cant stop thinking about it. Not only do i feel bad and unattractive, but i know it is bad for my health.
during my first pregnancy i didn’t really care about my weight gain, i guess i always thought it would be easy to lose later. but after i had my first son i felt (and looked like) and empty vessel. i had gained at least 40lbs during my pregnancy, though I’m not sure how sense i was vomiting the whole pregnancy. i was all stretch marked and i hadn’t really lost any weight after giving birth, which BTW i had a csection. and then i actually gained weight after the birth. so after my csection i had that as an excuse not to exercise, that and ya know being too tired and any other excuse i could think of. then me and my then boyfriend/baby daddy got married. then we decided to have another baby. and at 18 i got pregnant right away(9months after my first). and i had actually been put on pills to get my period back, which I’m sure i didn’t get cause of the weight gain. but after my first period on the pills is when we got pregnant. then yet again i really didn’t worry about how much weight i gained. i monitored it a little more but i still ate what i wanted, when i was not barfing cause yet again i had morning sickness the whole pregnancy. and at the end of my second pregnancy i had gained I’m sure at least 30lbs. and after the birth of my second son i still didn’t lose the weight. and yet again gained more after the baby was born and used the excuse again that i had a c section.
now that I’m pushing 300lbs, I’ve gone from a 38C cup to a 44 DD cup, I’m stretched marked to hell, and have horrible back, knee, and hip pain, it really is alot harder to exercise. i tire a lot easier and the pain gets almost unbearable. on top of all that, I’m really scared of exercising alone. I’ve set up dates to walk with friends and they some how always end up blowing me off. and i know that i need to just get over it and go do it. and even if i do lose the weight i do not think that i will ever be satisfied with my body again(not that i was really before). all i keep thinking is “I’m 20, my body shouldn’t look like this.” i don’t like looking in the mirror or shopping for clothes cause its just depressing, when you used to be able to pick up a size 11 or 12 and it would fit now you’re in a 20 something. my husband hates when i say things like this, about being fat and such. he doesn’t understand cause he has the high metabolism, and so hes skinny. and i know its horrible but I’m so jealous of him. he says I’m beautiful, and i just really wish that i could see it that way. I’ve read about a bunch of women who are embracing their post baby bod, and i just wish that i was that strong. and the crazy thing is while pregnant i feel so much more beautiful, but as soon as the baby is born i don’t.
I love my boys so much, they are everything to me. the only thing i would change is i would exercise and watch what i ate while i was pregnant and after.
yet again we are talking about another baby. i really do want a big family, but i know that i need to be in good health to have a healthy baby. so i want to at least get close to my pre-pregnancy size. i just wish that i knew now how to do that.
Thanks to all of you brave women for posting your stories.
1. before pregnancy
2. pregnant with #1
3. PP after 1
4. pregnant with #2
5. PP after 2
6. c section scar after 2
7. 13 months PP after 2
8. 13 months PP after 2
9. my 1 year old
10. my 2 1/2 year old