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I love my babies, but hate my body and myself. (Very Insecure)

November 27, 2012

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies: 2 births: 2
My son is 1 yr and 3 months my daughter is almost 3 months (i know crazy!)
I had both babies via cesarean births

Hello, i am 1 month shy of turning 21 and although i did not imagine having kids this early they are my little blessings. I got pregnant at 19 with my first child a boy and 2 and a half months later due to me believing breast feeding was a form of birth control, and not knowing how fertile a woman is after birth. i got pregnant again. I am pro life so i took the hand that i was dealt. Before my first pregnancy i weighed 110(i am 5″) and i only gained 16 pounds during pregnancy which i thought was GREAT! after i gave birth i was at about 113 but my stomach still looked about 4 months pregnant. I had a c section so i waited before i worked out and before i knew it i was pregnant again so i didnt bother trying to slim down my pouch again. With my daughter i weighed about 130 total with my pregnancy so i was elated i thought i would bounce right back with a little workout. I also only gained belly no fat in my arms or legs.

After i delivered my second baby via c section (both were) i was so eager to work out and loose all the extra skin and fat! i wasnt able to start until 2 months pp bc my incision would hurt alot. I am trying to find the time to work out but its so hard with two kids and a house to clean after. i do a 20 min ab workout everynight and i try to stick to it but my ugly body discourages me. My fiancé says i look great for two kids but i couldnt disagree more. Im disgusted with myself. I see other young girls having kids and springing right back. Although they did not have two back to back it should still be the same right? I hate my stretch marks my DARK belly looks so ugly, my belly button looks like its ben punched in, my linea negra is so dark and all that extra skin is just despicable. And on top if that i look 4 or 5 months pregnant.! i absolutly hate myself to a point that i think im becoming depressed. Im used to always being so petit and i loved my pre pregnancy body and now i cant stand what i see when i look in the mirror. Why is my stomach so ugly so completely loaded with stretch marks? I feel like i got the worst of both worlds. The stretch marks, the fat, and the dark skin. I wouldve ben okay with just one but i got them all! I hate my body! I am now 3 pp -sincerely a very insecure girl

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6 Responses to “I love my babies, but hate my body and myself. (Very Insecure)”

  1. mary Says:
    November 27th, 2012 at 7:37 am

    What stretch marks? I can´t see any. And your body is beautiful. Also you are just 3 months pp, it gets better. Believe me.

  2. Stacia Says:
    November 27th, 2012 at 7:40 am

    First off congrats on the two beautiful children! I think you look amazing for having two back to back. I too looked like that after just one child. I had a c-section with my daughter and i thought that it would just bounce back being i was very skinny pre pregnancy. But my belly did the same thing. Turns out i have muscle separation which is very common in pregnancy. Being that you are so petite and having two so close together you probably have the same thing. Its called diastasis recti. My gap is about 2 inches wide. If you do regular ab excerises it will make it worse. Research it and talk to your doctor about it. There are excerises you can do to help close the gap. I started doing them when my daughter was 12 months old, only because i didnt know i had this problem til then, and she is 17 months old now and my belly has shrank half its size. Some of the excerises you can do while cleaning or shopping or doing everyday things. Give yourself sometime, you just had two babies back to back. It took a long time to get there it will take a while to get back. But love yourself, you are beautiful!

  3. Jaami Says:
    November 27th, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Everyones body is different after childbirth, sometimes the change isn’t as physical or as noticable but it is there, we all change somehow in the process. I’m a year postpartum and I have weight on my stomach I’d like to be gone and I still look like i’m in my first trimester of pregnancy, my uterus obviously isn’t completely healed because even after intercourse I look like i’ve gained 3 months of pregnancy in my uterus area. It’s hard but it does shrink, your body took a big task to give you two babies in such a short period of time, give it some time to change a little more and give yourself enough of a break to stop judging what you look like and start to accept that you do look great for having two kids! :)

  4. Juile Says:
    December 5th, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Hey, I too was in the same position. I have mine 11 months apart and had the pouch. I understand feeling unsexy and not want to look in the mirror. I did binding ( GOOGLE it) with ACE bandages lost about 9 inches from my waste in a two weeks and it stayed that way with drinking lots of water, and exercise. You do get enough exercise chasing two kids around so even if you are not in a gym you are still busy. Hang in there! P.s You still look beautiful

  5. Olivia Says:
    December 5th, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    If you get knocked up again, try 100% pure cocoa butter. It’s in stick form…my best description of it is that it’s like rubbing on chapstick. If you see it, that will make perfect sense to you! Oh…it’s kinda the same size as those Push Pop ice cream things! :-) I got them at Rite Aide, they’re super cheap, and probably even cheaper at Walmart! (I got it when there wasn’t yet a walmart nearby, so I don’t know what price they would be there…)
    Also, motherhood something that comes with the biggest sacrifices in the world! Giving up your body is one of the things you sign up for when you choose to keep a baby. TONS of women look just like, or worse, than you. But I do absolutely know the frustration and depression that comes with your body not looking like it used to. I was 130lbs, now around 180. I felt disgusting for a LONG LONG LONG time. But I absolutely FORCED myself to do at least 15-20 minutes of exercise every single day, and followed a diet where I basically ate the exact same thing every day. Over the course of one summer, I lost 20 lbs (and actually went up a cup size, too! It was crazy)!

    Here’s the diet I followed, and you’re gonna LOVE the breakfast, lol, it was my favorite part of waking up!

    BREAKFAST
    One lump of fat-free frozen yogurt
    with: strawberries, blueberries, bananas, a slight drizzle of chocolate syrup, and a small dollop of cool whip.

    MORNING SNACK
    Small apple

    LUNCH
    Tuna Sandwich, with romaine lettuce and cheese, on wheat bread

    AFTERNOON SNACK
    2 Celery stalks with peanut butter

    DINNER
    Small pork chop, baked (not fried)
    Steamed carrots with fresh parmesan cheese sprinkled on them.

    EVENING SNACK
    2 slices tomato
    2 slices cheese
    2 leaves of romaine lettuce
    (Basically a mini deli platter with no meat.)

    Best of luck to you! I know others may say you look great, and I think so too, but I know that no matter how many times you hear that from however many different people…it’s not always about how you look to others (who, let’s face it, will never tell you anything negative) but all that matter is how YOU feel about yourself!
    I’ve had tons of people tell me how great I look, but they are not the ones crying when they see MY reflection in a mirror, or try to wear a pair of my old favorite pants!
    Ugh, I feel like crying just writing and remembering all this.
    Persistence is your number one friend here. I used to tape up pictures of inspiration. I’d even keep one in my wallet so if I ever got the urge to buy fast food or something, I’d have that pic there to remind me of what I’m working toward. OR working against…I’ve known some people who will use pictures of themselves at the weight they don’t like, just to remind themselves of what they want to change about themselves!
    I hope you succeed in your goals, and I hope the wee ones are doing well also :-D

  6. me Says:
    December 30th, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    thank you guys…ive started dieting and lost a couple pounds and stomach has gone down a bit yay! but still lots of work to do

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