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I Feel Deformed (Sarah)

October 13, 2010

Age- 29
Number of Pregnancies – 3
Number of Births- 2
Daughter 3 years, son 1 year

I can’t quite remember what I thought my post pregnancy body would look like…. but I can remember not thinking it would look like this.

I gave birth to my daughter On September 1st 2007 by emergency c-section. She was breech and the waited until I was fully dilated to tell me. I had imagined the perfect drug-free birth and that was taken from me. I had to come to terms with that and I needed some major healing. I also suffered from a severe case of post partum depression. I can clearly remember, as my belly started to shrink (which happened very quickly), asking people if what I had was normal. Too many people said they had never seen a belly like mine, no one could answer as to whether or not it would go away. Well, it never did. I was left with a pooch of skin hanging over my pants and extra skin everywhere. It only got worse after I had my son July 29th 2009. He was a successful VBAC and for that I was happy but the saggy skin was still left behind, another scar on my “mother’s body”. Both pregnancies I was fairly heavy (around 170lbs) and post pregnancy I am down to 155lbs. I recently consulted a plastic surgeon to see if I could have surgery done to correct it and I was rejected because it wasn’t sever enough. I am 29, and now single, the mother of 2 young children and I feel deformed, unattractive. How can anyone love me if I can’t love myself? This site has helped me a lot to realize I am not alone with this problem and I hope that this entry can help someone else.

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16 Responses to “I Feel Deformed (Sarah)”

  1. Stacy Says:
    October 13th, 2010 at 7:57 am

    Belly twins… It will tighten and strengthen with time and core exercise. U r beautiful!

  2. Eleanor Says:
    October 13th, 2010 at 9:55 am

    My belly looks the same. Eclampsia – bedrest – hospitalization – then emergency c-section as well. I was 175 when I delivered & am 137 now but it is all in my belly & my belly loos just like yours. I am in the gym 2-3 times a week. Its very frustrating. You aren’t alone!

  3. Astrid Says:
    October 13th, 2010 at 10:43 am

    I feel for you, I was a single mom too (only with one kid though) and had the same thoughts about how anyone would love me or even like me when I felt so unattractive and unhappy with myself. Well, i was lucky enough to meet someone who came to love ME – not my body but my personality. I know its a cliche but it seems that we all need to be reminded from time to time that people will love you for who you are – not what your breasts or your belly or your legs look like. Right now just focus on your kids – lots of loving for you right there! Try to think of ways you can be active together with them or if you ever have a moment to yourself. Focus on feeling good, healthy…. and please don’t be so hard on yourself. I know how though being a single mom is and with two kids… I bow for you, you are doing a great job!

  4. Jessica Says:
    October 13th, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    You are beautiful, i too was left with a saggy pouch more severe than yours i know have three children but i got my belly after my first when i was 18, she was a 9 pound 1 ounce baby and i also had suffer from post partum depression a little over two years later i had my son and shortly after became a single mom with the same thoughts but i am now remarried to a man who thinks i am beautiful just the way i am and he loves me for who i am and what i look like now. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and happiness can come. Mine came when i had to learn to except who i am yes i have a saggy belly and i do not like it, but always remember if it wasnt for you your children would not be here.

  5. Kai Says:
    October 15th, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    Like it has already been said, if you love yourself for all that you are, you will find somebody who will love those things in you too. My body, too, shows the marks of nurturing the lives of by sweet children, and I sometimes struggle with my body not matching my image of what I want it to be. I don’t let it get in the way of me enjoying my life though. My body is still beautiful, even if it is marked and loose in some area. So is yours. You should work on somebody who will love you because of these things, not despite it. Scars are sexy on men AND women too! Nobody is perfect, and we will all get old and wrinkly. Don’t waste your time on somebody who is caught up in such a superficial piece of you.

  6. Patricia Says:
    October 17th, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    3 boys too, all C-section… 1st was emergency too and had to cut vertically into uterus so no VBAC for me… I’m 44 and really just sick and tired of striving to be a size 6 and get rid of the little flesh that hangs over… I am a healthy weight, and my body is beautiful… so I have some stretch marks on my belly and a bit of extra skin that NO amount of sit ups (NO AMOUNT) will ever remedy because in a C-section, your muscles are cut, and they do not get flat again… I’ve tried bellydancing (which did add some tone to the uppers and obliques, but still, nothing below the bellybutton responds… the nerves are numb too…

    Stop watching TV. Stop buying magazines that portray women in anything other than a natural realistic light. Visit places where women are esteemed and valued not for their physical beauty alone but for their contributions to humanity, and as mothers as well. And focus on you and your children. You are beautiful and perfect just as you are.

    Cultivate your inner beauty and it will shine through so much that you will no longer even be able to notice what you perceive as “imperfections”. The perfection that you Truly are is Real, and that is all you will eventually see.

    Spend time loving yourself and becoming the person you would like to have in your life as a mate, and that will come too. And it won’t matter one bit what your physical body looks like, because you (and your mate) will be whole beings, full of the kind of Love for your Inner Being that will have no choice but to spill out into Love for your outer beings as well.

    It’s time to start recognizing that the body is a vehicle designed to protect the more important soul stuff on the inside, not the other way around. Peace Love and Light :D

  7. Ash Says:
    October 19th, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    I just wanted to say I feel your pain. I had my first in Sept 2007 with minimal stretch marks and a cection scar as a result. I just had my second baby 3 months ago and the damage my belly suffered depresses me too. Looking at your pics is like looking in the mirror.

    I want you to know you are not alone, and anyone worth having as a mate will think you are beautiful regardless. Let your personality shine through because that is all the really matters!

  8. Amanda Says:
    October 23rd, 2010 at 12:51 am

    I feel like you wrote my story. I am blessed to be married to a truly wonderful man – we have been together for 12 years now and have 2 beautiful children. Our daughter was born in November 2006 and our son in July 2009. I too am 29 years old, but I feel like my body is way ahead of me in years! I actually weigh less now than I did when my daughter was conceived, but I still feel aweful about what I see in the mirror. The worst part for me, for my relationship, is that I haven’t been able to bring myself to let my husband see what I look like post baby…actually, since I was about 8 months pregnant with our daughter. He’s so supportive and encouraging, so it has nothing to do with his attitude, I know he loves me and he wouldn’t judge me, but I just can’t bring myself to let go. I’m glad I found this site…anyone else going through this with their partner??

  9. mantis Says:
    November 5th, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    you are beautiful!

  10. gabrielle Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    my belly looks ten times worse that yours, with a vertical scar that divides it in two. my daughter said “mummy you have two bums, one in back one in front!” I learned to live with it, never a man made a slightest remark, if he would he’d be dropped instantly- it means he has no idea what a woman is about- don’t worry, don’t focus on it and don’t be afraid – these are not empty words – I’ve lived them – it’s a waste of time! good luck -life is beautifull if you just let it be!

  11. Kat Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I have the same belly after two pregnancies (11 lbs, and 9.15 lbs) and a huge weight gain. After my births my belly looked deflated, and almost six years after my last kiddo was born, the belly is the same. My husband has never told me it looks bad. He says he likes the way it feels. It’s difficult to come to terms with a body that looks so different from what’s always shoved in our faces via advertising/magazines/media, especially since we don’t understand just how common this belly type is.

    I want a tummy tuck, too, but not entirely because of the way my belly *looks*. I’d like it to look more idealistic, of course, but what I’m really longing for is to have clothing fit properly. I struggle with fining pants that fit and feel right.

    I hope that you’ll be able to accept your belly as natural and beautiful, because it really is. It’s *real*, and real has value, and deep beauty. But if you’re unable to get to that point I hope that you’ll get what you need on an emotional level, even if it means surgery. {{{hug}}}

  12. Jadda Says:
    November 29th, 2010 at 4:41 am

    You said you hoped your post could help someone else, you have, thank you. My belly is very much like yours, and you’ve helped me see it in a new light.

  13. L Says:
    February 11th, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Hun belly was similar I decided to lose weight by excercise and it did eventually change. It probably will never be flat again but it toned up quite a bit. Im not trying to tell you what to do but it has helped me alot even feel better and healthy. It will get better and also life is more then what the world portays what a woman should look like. Its more common for moms with loose skin and stretchies then unmarked flat moms. This site has confirmed what my husband has been telling me for yrs. Were not alone yes our bodies are changed but we are moms and we self sacrifice for our babies.. best wishes and love what patricia said ..

  14. Aleana Says:
    July 25th, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Hey! most women get this kind of belly and skin after pregnancy and a most of these women think they can rid themselves of it by working out or losing weight. This is not true. For most women, the muscles in the stomach were not toned enough before or during pregnancy and thus when your stomach expanded your muscles weren’t strong or thick enough to resist or pull back together after the pregnancy and in some cases pregnancy can actually cause the muscles to seperate and to fix this you have to get them sown back together. My mothers muscles seperated during pregnancy as she didn’t have a strong enough abdomen, about a year ago (16 years post partum to having me) she got a tummy tuck. No doctor can reject you for a tummy tuck unless your trying to get health insurance to cover the cost. They are expensive but well worth it!

  15. Sam J. Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    I thought I was seeing pictures of me! And then I read the story and thought that’s me! That’s my belly! I too felt unattractive for so long but hubby loves my mommy curves and can’t get enough. With his help I have come to love my “new” body. And when those thoughts creep up I remember what I did. I carried and birthed 2 children. Lets see a man do that!

  16. Jehn Says:
    November 23rd, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Hi Sarah,

    Just wanted to say that my story is very similar to yours – c-sec with my first due to breech in 2006, VBAC with my second in ’09. I had the same feeling about the c-sec that you did, but my VBAC helped heal that.

    My stomach looks similar, the pouch is smaller but the skin is more wrinkled now. I am 28,, 5’7″ and about 145lbs. I too found myself single after a 7 year marriage and two children… Didn’t take long before I found a great guy, we have an incredible sex life and he makes me feel sexier than ever. He is not the least bit concerned about the way my stomach looks. A little post-baby flaw like this wont prevent you from finding someone! Love yourself, you are beautiful!

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