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I am Depressed (Anonymous)

February 25, 2008

Hello… I really don’t know where to start, but here goes.. I’m a 24 year old divorced mother of two beautiful amazing children. I have severe depression. I haven’t always been this way until after I had my first child. I love my children and I love being a mommy but no matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to accept the changes that have happened to my body, and this is why I’m depressed. My ex husband physically abused me for five years. He was a very cold heartless person, and I tolerated it for so long because I was afraid to be alone, I had convinced myself that no other man would want me because the way I looked without my clothes on. What’s crazy is that he had never once said cruel or hurtful things about my body. I guess I’ve been brain washed by the media. I just don’t understand why I’m so hard on myself. I don’t judge others by their apperance so why do I think this way about myself? I’ve spent so many nights just crying myself to sleep, even going as low as having suicidal thoughts but would never do it because I love my children too much. I was seeing a councelor for a while, and it didn’t help me one bit. I just wish I could accept myself because I know my body will never change. I guess that’s why I stumbled across this site… Hopefully you all can talk some sense into this girl! Cause God knows I need it!



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18 Responses to “I am Depressed (Anonymous)”

  1. anon Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 8:28 am

    If you’re having trouble with depression, it’s really important to get counseling. But counselors are like friends–sometimes a counselor who’s GREAT for one person just isn’t a good fit for someone else. You may have to try several before you can find one who will work well with you.

    Don’t neglect your mental health. It will affect your children just as much as it affects you.

    Best of luck to you.

  2. Amy Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 9:00 am

    What really helped me was antidepressants. I was so against them.
    But now that I am taking thm they have done a world of difference.
    And I am going to get back into counseling.
    You need to learn to love yourself before you can find someone to love you.
    Whenever you really start feeling down about your figure. Go do something for yourself, buy a cute new outfit, get a pedicure.
    Or get your hair done.
    Anything to make you look in the mirror and say “Man I am hot”

    Afterall, you are a mother of two children, and sometimes it is okay to spoil yourself a little.

  3. tiamama Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 9:04 am

    I agree with anon’s comment. Please keep searching for a great counselor. The right one WILL help.
    And what gorgeous curvy hips!!!!

  4. Monique Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    You clearly love your babies sooo much, I am sure you are a terrific Mother. I am sure that you would never want them to feel small because of their appearances. You need to find a way to role model that. You owe that to them.
    I wish you peace.

  5. Sarah Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re so depressed. I really don’t have any general run of the mill suggestions or advice, but if I knew you personally I would tell you that we were ALL made in God’s perfect and beautiful image which means that we are beautiful and that is how He sees us and His opinion is the only one that counts. No, you don’t look like the magazines, but neither do I or 99.9% of the world (Thank God!) and that is what adds to your beauty and perfection. How can we be beautiful if we all look the same? We don’t. And that’s why you are so beautiful. Not only to God, but to the people around you who love you, too. You are beautiful!

  6. Kristin Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 5:20 pm

    I too have suffered with some VERY serious depression since becoming pregnant with my son 3 years ago. Being an ‘organic’ type. I tried exercising, vitamin D, seeing a therapist, anything to ‘cure’ myself. I finally decided I needed more help than that and saw a psychiatrist and have been taking the anti-depressant Lexapro. It has helped ENORMOUSLY. Just a thought.

  7. Kelly Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    I wasn’t diagnosed with Post Partum depression until almost TWO YEARS after my daughter was born. It can sometimes take a long time to develop. When I collapsed in tears at my gynos office because I was so “fat”, thats when she knew I needed help. She gave me a prescription for Zoloft and some names of counselors. Now, 5 years, 2 kids later, I look JUST LIKE YOU, but then I look at my beautiful wonderful healthy kids, and realize if I never lose another pound they are worth it. The Zoloft helps me deal with the craziness of life, but its my kids that keep me sane. I recommend that you see your primary care physician or gynocologist, and tell them how you are feeling. You need to find the right counselor and, probably, medications. Once you get help, one day, very soon, you won’t feel the way you feel right now. You will be healthy and happy and “present” for your children. Help yourself, the rest will follow. You sound like you love your children very much, and I’m sure you are a great mommy. One day you will find a man who loves you and your children, but you need help loving yourself first. Good luck!
    PS: I’m sorry that you were married to an ass. But you left him-you are STRONG. Good for you!

  8. C Gordon Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    Something you can practice starting now (meaning, you don’t need to wait on the counselor): positive affirmations.

    At night, when you’re lying in bed, thank your body for all the positive things it’s brought forth (your babies, etc.). Thank *you* for being you. Thank the Universe/Life/Deity/Whomever for all the good things in your life.

    You have created a habit of negative thinking and you can create a *new* habit of positive thinking. This will be of benefit, no matter what else you do to help with your depression.

    Good luck! And, remember: You are beautiful!

  9. Angel Says:
    February 26th, 2008 at 5:04 am

    Hello, I just wanted to let you know that we have the same look to our body. It used to really bother me too. I have a daughter who is 5, and when it really didn’t matter to me anymore is after the death of my son. He died at exactly 1 month of age due to SIDS back in June, 2007. Losing Michael made me realize how special it is what our body can do. I am now 21 weeks pregnant with my third child. I appreciate everything so much more now and will never resent the marks my beatiful children gave me again. Every lump and bump is 100% worth it.

  10. Rose Says:
    February 26th, 2008 at 7:40 am

    I felt the same way about my body – I didn’t start loving myself until the depression lifted. For me, I know i am depressed when i start self-loathing. I never had luck with counselors at all, they didn’t help one single bit. My savior was Cymbalta. It also helped me lost a tiny bit of weight (about 4 pounds) and that was a huge lift too.

    Now I love my body – it has given me three amazing miracles and in 7 months I’ll get another one!

  11. kat Says:
    February 26th, 2008 at 8:41 am

    Post-partum our bodies go through enormous changes–our hormones are so out of whack, we never sleep, we put so much pressure on ourselves. I went on Prozac and Yaz and feel much better. Also, everytime I get down on my body, I tell myself, “This is the body that grew two wonderful children.” I have to remind myself a lot. But it helps.

  12. Katherine Says:
    February 26th, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    If you are like me and don’t want to use pharmaceuticals to combat postpartum depression, you could also try strenuous exercise and/or meditation (if you can carve out the time in your day!). Oddly, lots of activity or an absence of movement and distraction have similar effects. As for meditation, it’s really nothing more complicated than sitting comfortably tailor style on a cushion or on a chair with your hands on your thighs. You should gaze downward toward the floor, softly focusing your attention on your breath. Notice thoughts as they arise, not judging them or following them, but saying to yourself, ‘Oh, thinking about groceries.’ or ‘Thinking about hating yourself.’ No matter what the thought, you just notice you are thinking, then let the thought go like it is a helium balloon, and return to following your breath in and out. I know this sounds ridiculously simple, but after awhile, you will realize that all your thoughts are essentially background chatter, and you’ll start feeling more openhearted and connected with your essential Being-ness.

    Lately, I find inspiration in the Metta Sutra (Buddha’s words on Kindness), as it reminds me to love myself as I love my child and to extend that to all other beings. Here’s a little excerpt:

    Let none deceive another,
    Or despise any being in any state.
    Let none through anger or ill-will
    Wish harm upon another.
    Even as a mother protects with her life
    Her child, her only child,
    So with a boundless heart
    Should one cherish all living beings:
    Radiating kindness over the entire world
    Spreading upwards to the skies,
    And downwards to the depths;
    Outwards and unbounded,
    Freed from hatred and ill-will.
    Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
    Free from drowsiness,
    One should sustain this recollection.

  13. Renée Says:
    February 27th, 2008 at 7:36 am

    There will come a day when you and your beautiful children will be *just* what your soulmate is looking for. You *will* meet him and he’ll love you just as you are.

    Until that day – do try and get yourself some help. It sounds like you need to talk to somebody every week and that’s okay! Please call your doctor today.

    A cyber cup of coffee and hug to you!

  14. jaclyn Says:
    February 28th, 2008 at 9:39 am

    Hi I am 24 With two little ones as well and like you have “the mothers body” Its an every day hour by hour road to acceptance. Some hours I love the way I look even with my cloths off other hours I am crying and asking why me. I think us women really need to stop being so hard on our selves (me included) WE MADE LIFE!!! WE GREW LITTLE PEOPLE IN OUR BODIES WE HELD THE FUTURE WITHIN US. Why should we feel ashamed of how we look after all the amazing things our bodies have done!As you can tell this hour is one where I feel good and thats all I can do is take it minute by minute hour by hour and day day by day . You and I are both beautiful people and we need to see that stretch marks extra skin all of it is the story of our journey to becoming mommys. Please no matter what kind of hour or day you are having love your self you are amazing you are a mom it dosent get better than that.

  15. marlo Says:
    March 9th, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    i’ve been thinking about this website all day (i found it this morning) and i realized something while i was in the shower. i have three kids (and depression) but my body was really forgiving of my pregnancies. my last baby was 10 lbs 12 ounces- i was absolutely huge! i’m pretty much back to my normal size with a small soft belly but no stretch marks. and here’s the thing. i think i’m fat. i think i look awful. isn’t that silly? and then i realized that this isn’t about me any more than your body shape is about you. this is about being told that we must look a certain way or that we aren’t lovable or beautiful. that thinness is associated with beauty and i KNOW that just isn’t true!

    the posts on these pages make me want to cry- these women are so amazing and i’ve been missing this all my life by being scared of them and mean to myself. i hope that doesn’t happen to you. i hope you let everyone else work through their own “stuff” and find the ways that you are beautiful and celebrate those every single day.

    there’s a lady in my town who has a shape similar to yours. she belly-dances. she belly dances in cute little outfits and she does it in public, in parades and as often as she can. she’s not some crazy woman, either.

    i have to agree with the other posters though, that the depression is not going to get better even if you look great. i don’t know how i did it, but i finally started exercising and that almost always helps now. around this time of year the desire to give up on everything takes over even when i exercise, but i’m learning tricks for controlling it.

    much love to you,
    marlo

  16. NatureMama Says:
    March 14th, 2008 at 7:26 am

    God bless you. You have done an amazing thing. You are a single mom of two. That is unimaginably hard, I know because I have done it. And you left an abuser. You are so strong. Unimaginably strong. My PPDepression was due to lack of sleep. Let me rephrase that, total sleep deprivation. I had a two year old and newborn to night-parent alone. I was awakened often to breastfeed or calm my toddler, then they woke up early. Ring any bells for you? Is there anyone who could help like a mom, frien, or relative who could give you some “me” time to sleep, rest, destress? Also you need to pamper, pamper, pamper yourself and spoil yourself. Give yourself everything you need and that terrible husband denied you, most importantly affirmation. Affirmation of what an amazing mom you are. I don’t think counselors help, but thats just me. If you’ve tried everything, I think its better to go on an antidepressant than to suffer. I was close to it. I found a chinese medicine doctor who gave me what she called “happy pills” to bring up my CHI (energy), this was after a very simple tongue diagnosis. I took them for two months. It really helped me, something to think about. You are an amazing woman inside and out, just because you are alive. So is everyone, just because they exist they are perfect, whole, God’s perfection. You really need to deprogam what your ex programmed into you. It starts with denying each negative thought that enters your consciousness, by questioning where it came from, then reprogramming your mind with the TRUTH which is GOD/”the one truth”. If it is not true about God, then it’s not true about you. It is an understanding I have from Christian Science, but it is also found in the program “The Landmark Forum”, and most other religions/belief systems or self-help systems. EXAMPLE: THOUGHT: “I am ugly” ORIGIN: from an abuser, from media, from growing up teased TRUTH: “That is ridiculous, I am beautiful, perfect, God made me wonderful.” MENTAL ACTION: go back mentally to your first memory of that problem or when you first thought that untrue thought, and correct it, if it was in school at 8 years old when someone teased you, you are living a life based on a decision you made about yourself when you were just an 8 year old, and you tell that inner child the truth and correct your thought RESULT: you “wake up” out of the “mesmerism” and you are able to be free. God bless, I hope this helps, I have been there girlfriend. I hope you and your kids are safe now from the abuser. Abusers are weak, you are strong. The strongest people are the gentlest. The weakest people often use low/abusive tactics to feel a sick and artificial counterfeit of power. God loves you and your kids and has led Moses and the people of Israel out of bondage and saw them through to the promised land like he is seeing you through right now. He doesn’t leave you stranded in the dessert, depressed, no, awake to the promise that you have of joy, “arise and go forth in joy”.

  17. sabrina Says:
    March 17th, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    I posted a picture on here last year. I think it’s titled “old lady boobs” or something like that. I had my daughter almost 2 years ago. I hate my body too. My breasts look like disgusting lumps of skin. I also have issues with depression and have suicidal thoughts but can never do it because of my daughter. I’m going to get my breasts fixed as soon as I can because I know that is the only way I’ll feel better about myself. Just try to stay strong and you have your kids who love you more than anything and they want their mom to be happy:)

  18. mischa Says:
    June 28th, 2008 at 6:20 am

    Hi,

    My heart goes out to you. I think what helps me is that I realized that those who abuse us are just insecure themselves, and we have to learn to be the bigger person. Every time I’m hurt by someone’s words, I remind myself that it takes a smaller person to make those comments/actions. I truly admire you for being able to stick through this all for your children, keep strong and I’ll be rooting for you:)

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