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I am Blessed with One (Cassandra)

May 12, 2011

Pregnancies: 6 Births: 1
Age:19
Postpartum: 4 months and counting.

This is very hard for me to write. I had my first miscarriage at 15. I was 9 weeks pregnant, it was very hard, no one knew I was pregnant it had to be kept a secret. I had to mourn my loss on my own, from that day forth I’ve never felt so alone. After that, I lost 3 more children in the years to come also at 9 weeks. Doctors told me I’d never be able to hav a child. :(

They were very wrong. On June 9th 2010 I found out I was pregnant, terrified when the doctor told “you’re 9 weeks!” I quickly bursted into tears. But as days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months my confidence in the pregnancy was sky high. I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl on January 12, 2011. She weighed 8lbs 12oz and was 21inches long.

And still I was very depressed. I still am. On April 15, 2011 I discovered I was pregnant 7 weeks., and on April 25, 2011 I miscarried, at 8 weeks.

My body is in a shape its never been before. I’m embarassed of my body, I hide it under layers of clothing. Before I had my daughter I weighed 120 lbs, after I had my daughter my weight has increased to 182 lbs. But with the help of my sister Jennifer Harmon and my husband Kevin Mendoza, I’ve realized… My body IS beautiful. My body shows a story of the struggles I went through, the tears I’ve cried, the children I’ve lost, and the child I’ve gained. I have the shape of a mother! Although looking in the mirror sometimes disgusts me, I have the strength within myself to see that the form of my body, that everyone else might see as flaws, I see as perfection. I carried a child of 9 months and 1 week. I am no celebrity, I am CASSANDRA RAE LEIJA and I am The Shape Of A Mother.!

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6 Responses to “I am Blessed with One (Cassandra)”

  1. luckychrm Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    I love your belly, and I know what it is like to want to loose it too :)

    I was about your same size when I conceived my daughter over 6 years ago. I got back there for awhile, but w/meds for health went up again.

    As the belly was drifting smaller after pregnancy, it was often a joy to see myself in the mirror as I returned to the body shape I thought I valued most. Now, even if I’m not totally satisfied with my weight, when I look in the mirror I make sure to check out the parts that I love as well as “what-in-the-heck-my-belly-is-doing”.

    Thank you very much for sharing your story, pain and joy.

  2. Jenny W Says:
    May 12th, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    You look great. Sorry for your loss but I am glad you got your baby. But 4 months isn’t long at all, you have plenty of time to get to where you want to be. Good luck

  3. Heidi T. Says:
    May 13th, 2011 at 5:33 am

    I’m 19 also, and funny enough, my son Ruskin was born Jan 12th, 2011 as well. I think it’s great that you feel you are beautiful. I’m struggling so much with my self-image, especially in a time where the average teenager disappears sideways.

    You look wonderful. I hope I can feel I look the same sometime soon.

  4. lizz Says:
    May 30th, 2011 at 5:57 am

    i love your attitude toward everything you have been through and i love the way you write! i hope you and your family flourish and i hope you keep writing because you have a natural talent

  5. Jen Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    You’re so brave and strong. Thank you for sharing your story. Our babies have the same birthday :)

  6. Cassandra Says:
    July 31st, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    Wow. I hadn’t came back to this page since I wrote this. I am very glad I returned to this page. Every women is beautiful no matter the size. I’m struggling to get to my old size, but I Will not give up.
    My daughter looks jus lik me now. She’s beautiful which helps me realize I am too. Thank yu ladies very much

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