After meeting the man of my dreams and spending two years dancing and modelling at 173cm and 57kg and 10d Bra size, I fell pregnant with my first son.
I quit smoking, Nightshift, Dancing, Vegetarianism and took up a healthy diet.
10 months later i weighed 85kg- I had put on 28kg.
My bra size went up to a 16EE.
After the gentle birth of my 9pd Son, I lost all the weight and was back modelling 7 months later.
My breasts were smaller and saggier, but If I dressed accordingly- I looked firm and fit.
I continued to dance and model and kept my family on a good wage and paid off my home.
We had a good quality of life and I spent a great deal of quality time with my son.
I conceived again- My second son.
This time I was 75kg pre-pregnancy weight.
At 20 weeks I quit dancing and modelling and took up office work for my partner.
Sitting on my bum in front of the Computer, Drinking Hot-Chocolate in Winter took me up to 95kg.
For a girl who relied on her looks and body to look after her family- This was disasterous.
I felt like I had let myself down, and that I had taken my income stream away.
I apologised to people why I was so fat and had a terrible time finding nice clothes that fitted well.
My 10pd Son was born unnassisted in the most amazing home water birth and His presence has been an absolute gift.
I would despair at my figure- Knowing that my partner was attracted to a thin-lean look and small breasts.
He Never mentioned anything, but I knew he was not attracted to me- As loving as he Is.
This broke my heart. I began to get jealous of Younger Girls with thin thighs hips and Arms.
At least twice a week, I would be holding my newborn and peole would ask me when the next baby was due…
I commented- “this is what you really look like after a baby for a little while…”
I would see my reflecting in the mirror and get a shock and then cringe.. I realised how judgemental of myself I had become.
I stopped going to social functions because I felt “too fat”..
I lost only 5kg after baby was born.
At 85kg and 4 months post-partum I conceived again!
I was breastfeeding and still in my maternity pants! I surrendered and decided to change my attitude and lifestyle.
I accepted my roundness and simply decided to be very healthy and exercise frequently enough to get me in good habits so I could get fit again after the birth of baby number three.
I am now 7 months pregnant and have put on 3kg with this pregnancy!
I am still quite heavy- But I am proud that I have limited my weight gain to a healthy level.
My Two sons are the Sunshine of my Life and their happy smiling faces are all I need to feel blissfully contented.
I am enjoying my new exercise routine and am quite proud that at 30 years old I have started to take responsibility to my health..
I will never be the same again- But this is the transition from maiden to mother….I am celebrating my fertility and enjoying it while I am ripe and luscious…I know that when I am older I will look back and remember these as the best years of my life- So I am making an effort to surrender and love myself for me- not for what I look like to others…Peace.