The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother

« | Home | »

From Darshani

July 28, 2006

Thank you once again for providing a safe place for us to share our feelings. Just because a woman does not lose the weight does not mean she is lazy or irresponsible. When I was expecting my first child, a friend told me, “When you become a mother, you give up part of yourself.” Mothers that I know will breastfeed on demand, hold their babies close in slings, hold little ones who are sick all night long so they may breathe better. They are so busy in the early days taking care of their babies that they often forget to eat until noon. So while they may not be able to work on their bodies immediately after giving birth, they have more important work: making bonds of trust that will last a lifetime.

My youngest is now 2.5. She was born with serious health problems and I felt I was running a marathon every day just to keep her alive and keep my older child nurtured and loved. The last thing I had on my mind was the shape of my body. My youngest will probably always have her health problems but now we now she will live and thrive and be okay. My out-of-shapeness represents her survival. I have just started to exercise last month and nurture myself. I have my entire life to nurture myself. I only have a few precious years to nurture my babies.

When you look at someones picture here, or a mother in pubic, you cannot assume that she is overweight and lazy. She is probably working harder than she ever has in her life. Her shape is not high on her priority list. So maybe it should not be high on yours to notice it, either.

These videos show what I have been doing the last five years: having and raising my children. I hope the world is a better place because of it, even if my body is not.

The Story of Abirami

Nitara’s Journey

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

23 Responses to “From Darshani”

  1. Emma Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 9:22 am

    Your photo/video montages are beautiful,as are your gorgeous girls.

  2. Amber aka PinkRaider Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 9:44 am

    Wow..Awesome videos. Thanks for sharing them and your story.

  3. TweedleDea Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 10:14 am

    So beautiful.

  4. ~JR~ Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 10:18 am

    This post, I think, is the most beautiful I’ve read on this site. The videos almost made me cry, remembering my own baby’s brief 6 day stay in the hospital that seemed to last years, and his countless blood tests and MRI. Yes, we are busy doing something more important than anything else in the world. Namaste.

  5. A. Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 10:21 am

    Beautiful video!!!

  6. A. Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 10:22 am

    Beautiful video!!!

  7. Ellen in Conn Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 10:33 am

    Wow, Abirami’s video is so beautiful and so true. The mountains of diapers, the connection to her distant family and religion, the self-expression and work-play and learning and involvement and very obvious love in your family. Just so beautiful. Thank you for letting me see.Ellen in Conn

  8. Bebu Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 10:39 am

    The videos are awesome. Your daughter are really beautiful. I can fell your love for them through the pictures.Thanks for sharing!

  9. Renee Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 11:12 am

    I just watched both of the videos and they are truly beautiful, the videos and the girls both. I love the music you chose for both. Do you have a blog? I’d love to learn more about your family.

  10. Jen Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 11:14 am

    Thank you for re-opening my eyes to such a wonderful part of life. I too have two girls, 4 and 2. Each day brings with it love, struggles, laughter, frustration, tears, hugs…this morning there were more frustrated tears than I would have liked but after reading your story I was moved. They grow up so quickly. Your video brought me to that place in my heart that sometimes gets ignored. I LOVE my girls so much!! Thank you for letting me see how much you love yours. They are beautiful.

  11. Agi Graham Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 11:45 am

    Your family is gorgeous. Your videos made me cry. Thank you so much for posting. I agree with one of the above comments that your post is so beautiful and so true. I hadn’t thought of it that way; that we have more important things to worry about than our bodies.

  12. Anonymous Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 11:48 am

    Awesome video. Your children are beautiful. I have tears in my eyes…

  13. Breck Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 12:10 pm

    Your family is so beautiful and your daughters are a gift to us all. And yes, the world DOES revolve around Ms. Nitara! ;0)

  14. Misty Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 12:10 pm

    very, very well said.

  15. Mama D Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 12:20 pm

    Your post was beautifully written and perfectly put. I cried watching those montages. Your babies are gorgeous! Thank you so much for sharing!

  16. peppypilotgirl Says:
    July 28th, 2006 at 7:41 pm

    “When you look at someones picture here, or a mother in pubic, you cannot assume that she is overweight and lazy. She is probably working harder than she ever has in her life. Her shape is not high on her priority list. So maybe it should not be high on yours to notice it, either.”Thank you so much.

  17. Anonymous Says:
    July 29th, 2006 at 4:12 am

    I disagree with what you said. I strongly believe that by not taking care of your body you disrespect yourself. Every young mother has the right to have some time for herself to recharge her batteries, pamper herself a bit, read a nice book, chat with friends. Just because we are becoming mothers, it doesn’t mean that we become a different person. Motherhood should, imo, ADD to our lives not take away from what we have been so far. Sure, your priorities shift, but by taking care of yourself by eating regularly and working out, you’re no less of a good mother. Every woman can make time for a daily 15 minute workout.

  18. deannie Says:
    July 29th, 2006 at 5:58 am

    Those videos are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing.

  19. Special Red Says:
    July 29th, 2006 at 4:38 pm

    Anonymous:It’s easy to say that “surely every woman can fit in a 15 minute workout”. Sure, a lot can, but a lot also can’t. It’s very easy to judge a situation before you have lived it. I don’t work out. Not by “normal” standards. I work very physical labor jobs, but I don’t “work out”. I get up at 5 am, open up our auto shop, and spend till about noon or 1 there. Then, it’s off to home to let the baby nap, grab some lunch, and as soon as she’s up we’re back out the door to work on the farm. We get back around dark, eat dinner. At the end of that day, NO, I do not have time to “work out”, nor the energy to do it. I barely have the strength to get my stinky, greasy, cow and chicken-poop-covered behind into the shower. We can agree to disagree, but no, sometimes, there simply isn’t time in a day to get everything done. And, quite honestly, my child is my first priority, not my figure.

  20. Darshani Says:
    July 29th, 2006 at 5:43 pm

    thank you all for sharing in the joy of my children. Motherhood has transformed my life in so many ways, my body being the least important. I do keep a blog but it’s private. I will be going to India in the winter and will keep a blog, and also will be keeping a nursing school blog at some point soon. Check my homepage http://www.darshani.com for the link to the India trip blog or email me at acuppachai@gmail.com Anonymous, many women do not have the support or fiancial situation to be able to treat themselves to a workout or other non-kid activities. Here are some of the reasons: (1) cannot afford to hire a sitter (2) cannot find a sitter that you trust with your baby (3) mother may nurse baby on demand and not bottlefeeding (some babies do not take bottles easily) (4) have no family around to watch babyI have never used a hired sitter in the 5.5 years since becoming a mother. My brother was shaken to death by a caregiver whom my mom trusted. For that reason I will not just hire anyone to watch my kids. I have no family around who can watch them, either. I have left my older child with friends about 5 times total in her life for urgent matters (such as giving birth, or going to OB on short notice). I have left my younger child with friends exactly once, just a couple of months ago. She’s 2.5 years old. Both of them are now left in the YMCA almost daily while I exercise or study but that has taken months. I am not willing to let my kids cry it out so I can exercise, besides the workers don’t let them cry and will come get me. My youngest has a feeding tube and was vomiting a lot, attached to a feeding pump, etc, so aside from the other factors, she was not able to be left with anyone until a few mos ago when she started to improve health-wise.In good weather I walk a lot, pushing my toddler in the stroller while 5yo rides her scooter or bike. I recently purchased a bike seat for the toddler so we can ride together in the evenings. Carrying a baby in a sling burns a lot of calories but does not tone you. Nursing, contrary to what they tell you, does NOT allow you to shed weight. Each woman is different. Some tend to hold onto the extra weight until they wean.Every mama has her story. This is mine. These are not excuses. I will not take a chance with my child’s safety or health just so I can get away and exercise. Do not try to judge others because you don’t know their stories. I only wish we all had the resources (financial, family, etc) to “get away” but many of us do not.

  21. Anonymous Says:
    July 30th, 2006 at 2:25 am

    Hi, first of all, I wasn’t judging anyone or anyones situation. I just said that I disagree with you on that single point. I don’t have a nanny or hired sitter, either. 15 minutes is so little time. I would do it when my kids were napping around midday or I’d do it while they were contentedly laying in their crib watching me work-out. Nowadays, my twin boys, who are almost four, and my daughter, who is two, even join me sometimes and work out with me (I do mostly yoga). I make a game out of my workout sometimes that me and the kids play together. My youngest is only six months old, so she can only participate by watching. I have always made time for myself, because (and I know I’m repeating myself) by not doing so, I would strongly feel that I’d be disrespecting myself. I have always have needs and wants. I did not stop to have them when I became a mother. Like now, I’m sitting here on the computer because I like to do that every now and then.Surely that doesn’t hurt any of my kids, nor does it make me shallow or a bad mother. Greetz, Anna

  22. The Shape of a Mother Says:
    July 30th, 2006 at 9:55 am

    Personally, I think that each woman who has come here is an amazing mother. It all depends on priorities, and not one is “better” than the next, but beautifully different. The diversity of this site is what amazes me most. You ladies are all beautiful!

  23. Kate Says:
    July 30th, 2006 at 6:24 pm

    That is such a beautiful post :-)

Comments


Support This Site