I have NEVER found myself attractive. I always thought,, once i accept the fact that I’m an unattractive person,,I would feel much better about myself and not worry about it so much. For some reason though, I got a decent amount of attention from boys,, I was the funny girl, but was too shy to really ever commit to a relationship. Had my first real kiss at 19, and tried to make it to marriage before having sex. I was 26 and he ended up being the man I was dreaming about. We’ve now been married almost four years :) I have always been petite with a flat stomach and a big round booty. I even adopted the nickname J.Lo. My husband has been a big self-esteem booster, always calling me little pet names like sexybutt and beautiful. But I’ve still never felt that way about myself. No Biggie I thought. After two years of wonderful marriage, we decided to start trying to get pregnant. Me not getting any younger at the age of 29 and him only 25. I’ve always LOVED children. They are so fun and spontaneous and just themselves. I taught Sunday school and worked with teens in church and have always been a kid at heart. Thought I would love being a mom and be a great one at that.After six months of trying, i was getting very discouraged, no one blood related to me ever had a problem getting pregnant, and it seemed every time i would start my cycle, some young girl with no boyfriend, or friend who wasnt even trying would announce their pregnancy. I tried to remain positive , but it was very hard,, finally after a year of trying, i found out I was pregnant!! We and our families were so happy. Everything was going smoothly, no morning sickness, a healthy amount of weight gain. Then with my glucose screening, found out I had gestational diabetes. I was heartbroken and felt like a failure. My husband and family were very supportive and things started going smoothly again. I wanted to have as natural a birth as possible. I wasnt happy when i found out that they wouldnt let me go past my due date,, and that inductions can sometimes lead to C sections. I took very good care of myself,, watching my diet and exercising. I gained a total of 26 pounds.. starting at 102 lbs at five feet tall. My water broke six days before my due date! I was soooo happy! 10 hours of labor later,, and still only dialated 3, i was NOT. I had a 101 temperature and was getting pumped full of antibiotics and was now put on a Pitocin drip. After two hours of that and only dialated to four,, I decided to get the epidural. I wanted to be strong for pushing. Which would never happen. My fever went up to 102 and my cervix was beginning to swell. After 18 hours of labor and a dialation of 7, they decided on a C section. I wanted to cry, but I also wanted my baby to be safe and healthy. My operation was done in under a half an hour and I got to meet my Beautiful baby girl weighing 6.5 lbs!!! She was finally here.
Recovery was hard,, but with a wonderful husband, supportive friends and family and God,, I made it through PPD without any medication. I now am working through a big battle with my self esteem. This site has already helped me soooo much! I still have about five pounds to lose. The scar doesnt really bother me,, but my softer boobs,, extra cellulite and pouchy belly do. I have posted pics of full term pregnancy,,, one of 4 weeks pp holding my girl and now 3 months pp. You are all awesome! Thanks for sharing your stories and being an encouragement to all these mothers! God Bless!