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Finding the strength to keep moving forward (Brittany)

August 19, 2010

Brittany, 23
1 pregancy, 1 birth
12 weeks postpartum

I have always been a plus sized girl and struggled with my weight. Finally i felt like I had my weight problem under control for the first time in my life i lost 70 lbs and felt great about my life and the direction it was going. I started going out more showing off my new body and loving the new attention I was getting as a single female. That is when I met Him, the man that turned my life upside down. When we started talking he had approached me at a bar, his smile was captivating and from the moment he approached me we were inseparable. I told him I wanted to take things slow and he agreed we didnt need to jump into anything too fast. But soon he told me he wanted us to be together, how we wanted to be with me for the rest of his life, how he wanted us to get married and be together forever. He made me feel special, he made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. As our relationship grew things just kept getting better he would take me out to dinner, to the movies, anywhere I wanted to go, I felt like I was in heaven. 2 months after we met I got pregnant, I was really excited even though we had only been together for a short period of time because we had so many plans for our future together. He told me he had 3 kids already and how much he loved his kids and all that he did for them. When I told him I was pregnant he was excited and told me how proud he was. He soon moved in with me so we could start our lives together. But things soon started to get rocky. He agreed to help pay the bills but every month he would come up with an excuse of how he had no money. I was struggling to pay everything on my own but figured we had just hit a hard spot in out relationship and things would get better.His attitude started to change to, he would come home from work mad and accuse me of cheating on him while he was gone. He started questioning if my unborn child was his and demanding a paternity test once my son was born. Then he started going out by himself more often and saying I couldn’t go because I was pregnant. First it was a few nights a week and gradually became and every night routine and wouldn’t come home till 3,4,5 in the morning. I was scared to go threw my pregnancy by myself and just prayed that he would change, but he didnt. Regularly starting to not come home at all for days. I thought maybe he would stop acting like this after the baby was born so I waited it out. I would come home from work and he would have already showered and left. And when I would see him he would accuse me of being with other men while he was gone. He stopped taking me out all together, and would get very angry if he did come home and I hadn’t cooked dinner for him. I soon started to gain ALOT of weight and by the end of my pregnancy I had gained every pound back that I had worked so hard to lose. I felt fat and worthless, my boyfriend stopped having sex with me, stopped taking me out, and left me alone all night. I felt it was my fault because I couldn’t control my eating habits. I stayed with him my entire pregnancy and supported him even though he treated me like crap, I wanted us to be a family so bad nothing else mattered. When my son was born he was there to witness my emergency c section, it was a beautiful moment to see my son for the first time especially after everything I had been through. My boyfriend looked so happy, tears were in his eyes as he smiled from ear to ear. I thought everything was going to be ok, but it wasnt. The night after my son was born I got an unexpected visitor from his other childrens mother, she told me they also had a new baby that was 2 months old. I couldnt beleive he had another woman pregant the whole time we were together and was so mad at him. My boyfriend left me in the hospital alone with our new baby and didnt come back till the day I was discharged. He took us home that day and left again for 2 more days. After all this I still felt scared to be without him and forgave him..again. He said things would change but they never did. Although he would come around every other day or so I was forced to take on the role of a single mother. It was hard and I was angry that he could just leave me and not care about his new baby. A few weeks later another woman contacted me via facebook, she too, said my boyfriend was the father of her one moth old daughter. I stared at pictures she had of my boyfriend and her holding this baby together. I confronted him and he denied that this was his child saying it was his friends baby and she was trying to set him up. I soon started finding out about all these women he was having “relationships” with. And found out that my baby is his 7th child and that I am one of 5 mothers to his children. He doesnt help support any of his children, nor does he make an effort to see any of them. once my son was born I couldn’t work or pay any bills and he left. I now live in a spare bedroom with my son at my mothers and finally found a new job I start next week. I start school again in the fall and going to rebuild my life for me and my son. I have lost 40 of the 68 lbs I gained so far and continue to live a healthy life style. I never knew my life would turn out the way it did but I stare at my beautiful son and know all the suffering I went through was worth it to have such a blessing in my life. I thank my ex for being a great “sperm donor”, and feel it is his loss. I am a great woman and my son is wonderful, one day my ex will realize all that he has lost, and the relationships he could have had with his children.

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7 Responses to “Finding the strength to keep moving forward (Brittany)”

  1. DL Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 8:16 am

    wow you are such a strong woman, you are far better off without him. You are doing a great job, just keep up the good work. what an adorable baby boy.

  2. Tracy Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 10:23 am

    I can’t believe what you have gone through, I’m glad your beautiful baby boy has such a strong loving mother.

  3. Ali Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 10:50 am

    My gosh…I am so sorry you have this story to tell (except for that smiling, handsome boy that resulted of course!). Please don’t let this “man” affect your goals, hopes and dreams moving forward. It sounds like you are on the right path now. And also, I promise you that there are AMAZING, trustworthy, men out there to be found… I’m just sorry you ran into this one. You sound like a sweet, strong, woman and I wish you everything positive!!!

  4. Amanda Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    This brought tears to my eyes :( You are SO STRONG! I went through a simliar situation, up until the other children part. It is so difficult being pregnant and having a reluctant father staying out all night. I too gained a lot of weight because of it (75lbs); and I wish men wouldn’t put such stress on a woman, especially a pregnant one because it is such a stressful time anyway. But, you’re little boy is so handsome :) Congratulations on him, and on being a real woman who doesn’t let a jerk ruin her!

  5. Colleen Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Who knew such a jerk could beget such a handsome little man?

    I have no idea if this is a terrible idea or not (I’ve never been in a similar situation), but have you tried talking to the mothers of his other children? It seems like you’ve all been through the same crap and have children around similar ages, so maybe you could form a little support group or something. I don’t know. It could turn out horribly or really well–it’s kind of a crap shoot. But if it worked out well at least your son would get to know some of his half-siblings, right?

  6. Sarah P. Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    I can’t believe the way he manipulated you and those other women. But you have a beautiful son out of it and that’s what counts! Whatever you do, stay in school. That will make you a stronger woman in the end. Congrats on being enrolled and on your weight loss and beautiful son! :)

  7. Marz Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    I take my hat off to you. I have no idea how you managed to come out of such an abusive, manipulative relationship with such a positive and accurate outlook on life and yourself. You’re my hero :)

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