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Fighting the Fear (Jessica)

July 18, 2009

21
2 pregnancies, 1 birth
5 wks post partum

I found out I was pregnant when I was twenty years old, a week before my husband was set to deploy for iraq. I was pretty upset that he was going to be gone, and I would be alone. But i was partially pleased because he wouldn’t be here to see me get huge and, what i thought, unattractive. I’ve always been incredibly self conscious, never really felt I was attractive, so I was terrified what pregnancy would do to me. At first I felt gross. If you knew, you could tell i was pregnant, but to everyone else it just looked like I had a beer gut. I finally got the stage where I looked pretty darn pregnant. And I LOVED it. I felt SO beautiful. I was stretch mark free until thirty three weeks, &&than they came in droves. Still, I felt beautiful. My taut belly stretched tight over my little girl. I was constantly rubbing my tummy. My husband came back from Iraq in april, a month before the little girl was due. I was terrified of how he would see me. But I still felt beautiful. I loved walking around with my tummy out.
The last week of my pregnancy, I blew up like a balloon. I started retaining water, and my hips and thighs got stretch marks overnight. After my princess was born, i instantly felt… deflated, and jiggly. I had terrible tearing and couldn’t do anything physical for nearly a month. Today I am five weeks and three days.

I’ve got fifteen pounds of baby weight to lose. I don’t own a single pair of pants that fits. I was a size seven before the baby, and now, I’m borrowing my sisters size 12′s which are sometimes too tight.

I found out my husband cheated on me the day my daughter turned three weeks. It devastated me. I already felt terrible enough about the way I looked…. it just seemed to confirm the fact that the mess my body is now is really that disgusting. I have a hot mess of stretch marks, which I’m not terribly bothered by, I’m fair, and they’ll turn white soon enough. I just hate my body, and i don’t know if it will ever be even CLOSE to what it was before, which wasn’t all that much

The first picture is me before pregnancy.
The second is me 33wks pregnant. I felt the most beautiful there
The third is me &&my baby girl… SO worth it
The fourth is me 5 wks post partum. ugh
The fifth is a close up, stretch mark cental
The sixth is my big side

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27 Responses to “Fighting the Fear (Jessica)”

  1. cmom Says:
    July 18th, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Your attitude is positive enough that it is obvious you will get through the changes just fine. You do need to understand that your husband DID NOT cheat on you because of your body; he cheated because he is a cheater, don’t deflect the blame, it’s his fault. Never, ever base your own self-worth on what some man thinks of you or your body.

  2. Lee Says:
    July 18th, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    i think you look fine, yeah stretch marks suck, iam 32 weeks preg and dont have any so far, this is my second preg so im hoping i get lucky again, but who knows…anyways, you look hot and have a nice attractive face, your husband is an idiot for cheating on you and he dont deserve you…

  3. Angèle Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 9:45 am

    You look beautiful! Your stretch marks are actually quite pretty! They are perfectly symetrical! Hard to explain but you look so wonderfully womanly and sexy! I agree with the previous post, he DID NOT cheat because of you, or your body, he cheated because he is a cheater and not the man you should be with! You deserve someone who makes you feel beautiful every single day of your life!! Trust me! I have the worst belly, I was 120lbs (size7) before pregnancy, 2 babies and 10 years later I am 160lbs and a size 14 at best! My husband has never once made me feel less beautiful! He still sees me as the taut 120lbs girl he fell in love with!! BE PROUD!!! Xo

  4. Polly Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 11:58 am

    I think you look *amazing*! Your stretch marks are beautiful, I thought they looked like flames working their way up from your tattoos :) . They will fade soon enough and only you will be able to see them. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience an unfaithful husband, but cmom is right: this was not your fault at all. Take care of yourself and your precious daughter…you both deserve every happiness.

  5. TracyKM Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    Gosh girl, you’re doing great! Considering your uterus isn’t even back to normal yet, you can’t expect your outsides to be too :)

  6. amanda Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    oh my love! we share the identical story, my man of 9 years cheated on my while i was prego. with my bestfriend of 10 years, who ended up being a cracwhore, thats why i stopped speakin with her. and he was goin to have her move into our house, i tricked him into admitting it too.. it crushed me when i busted him, now i’m alone with a beautiful baby gurl and the most unattractive body! i was a size 5 before my daughter, now i’m a 16 i gauned 70 pds, my daughter was 10 pds 9 oz. i didnt have 1 stretchmark till the last few weeks of my pregnancy. and i got hit hard….. so i feel ur pain! %100. keep ur head up! ur soo beautiful. if u want to check out my pictures i’m on here.. i’m about 15 people down,, my name is amanda..

  7. Shawna Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Your husband cheated on you and it’s not your fault. You carried a baby inside of you which can be traumatizing to the body. Your husband doesn’t have the slightest clue of the incredible sacrifice you made. All you can do is move forward.

  8. April Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    You look beautiful! I love the way your tattoos and stretch marks make a design together. You look especially great for having had a baby only 5 weeks ago. I’m sorry your husband cheated on you. He obviously doesn’t deserve you. My ex-husband cheated on me and now I have a new fiance who is the absolute best. You’ll find another better man for sure!

  9. mrs. petunia Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    You look so beautiful. I was expecting something quite different from your post. Your skin is nice and taut and your curves are stunning. And you’re right, the stretch marks will fade. Also, I’m very sorry for what you’ve been through with your husband. You didn’t deserve that at all.

  10. Christie Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Your tummy is so flat already! Congratulations on being a strong beautiful Mama xox

  11. nico Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 1:20 am

    girl, you look amazing – your body 5 weeks PP is a body many women would dream of having and many artists would dream of painting!

  12. Ali Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 8:42 am

    I have to start off by saying you have one of the prettiest faces I have ever seen!! You are gorgeous! I think your body looks great too! I know the stretch marks are probably shocking now (MINE WERE BIG TIME BAD) but I promise you they will fade away to the point where you will barely even notice them. I’m about 1 1/2 post partum and mine looked exactly like that….and now unless I am really, really looking for them- I don’t notice a thing. I’m fair skinned too. I would just say don’t even worry about them and keep the focus on your daughter and just know that with time, even though it isn’t overnight, they won’t be a worry. Even with them though, you look super sexy! I’m really sorry your husband cheated on you. To have to go through all of these changes, emotionally, physically, and have someone do that to you is terrible. You are going to be one strong person and a strong momma in the end and I send you all my best

  13. billboardz360 Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 9:26 am

    Jessica, congrats on the birth of your wonderful little woman.I wish you courage in dealing with your situation with your husband. I do agree with the ladies, don’t let someone(your husband, nor any other women) determine your value. The Lord won’t put us in a spot we can’t handle. That body brought new life, new hope, and yes, a new you. I really don’t see your new body as a “mess.” You are only a few weeks out. What are your goals, plans for the new you? Would love to hear, contact me @ billboardz360@gmail.com anytime. Thank you again for sharing such a powerful story.

  14. Misty Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    u and your daughter have the most gorgeous blue eyes!

  15. chris Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    You look Great!! Before, during, and after your pregnancy you are a BEAUTIFUL woman!! Like the other have said, he cheated because he is a cheater. Do not base his actions on how you look or feel. You are a strong woman, so keep your head high and your daughter close.

    Hope that you keep in touch with the site. Best wishes to you and your daughter!!!

  16. L Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Your still beautiful!

  17. Tinia Says:
    July 24th, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    Honestly, having two boys (7 years apart) and being pregnant with my third now, I can say you look amazing for 5 weeks postpartum. It takes time. . .In a year, your body will not look ANYTHING like now, and you will be shocked at how well it can go back and stretch marks fade SO much with time.

  18. brenda Says:
    August 5th, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    honey, you look great, and once those stretch marks fade away, you will look perfect.

  19. Marissa Says:
    August 6th, 2009 at 10:54 am

    Omg girl!! You still look absoulty beautiful!

  20. nicole Says:
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:27 am

    Cheaters never cheat because of the wife… they cheat because they are selfish little pricks.

    Look at Christie Brinkley – supermodel. Her husband cheated on her!

    Also, I love how your stretch marks are symetrical… looks like a tiger tattoo. Very cool.

  21. Leila Says:
    August 16th, 2009 at 5:42 am

    Sweetie just know that you came out of this pregnancy with a blessing no man can ever create, and still looking great! Drop that cheater and move on, you and your beautiful baby deserve much more than that. She will be your rock!

  22. arun Says:
    September 9th, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    jessica, stretch marks look beautiful. ur marks r very attractive. u r a natural well propotioned living artform. luv u and best of luck.

  23. tanya Says:
    September 19th, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    Omy goodness. you are gorgeous and i know you dont belive me but i wouldnt comment if it wasnt true.. yur breasts are amzing too . and you will find a REAL man if you havent yet cuz you and yur baby are one awesome package !!

  24. Dani Says:
    September 26th, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    i think that you are the most pretty girl i’v seen

  25. Ian Says:
    October 3rd, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    its not your fault if you had a stupid husband, most guys are so chuffed that their wife or partner are carrying their baby that the almost become a nuisance fawning over you. You look stunning, your body looks real and the best thing is you have a beautiful youngster. I know who is the winner in this!

  26. Lisa Says:
    October 9th, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    I have the exact pattern of stretch marks on my hips and the back of my thighs, but mines are black because i’m brown skinned. I started putting mederma on them. Its been a month and it has lightened them. I have 5 more months to go with the cream. Its expensive, but i have hope. U should try it.

  27. Jamie Says:
    March 21st, 2012 at 8:35 am

    The only thing your husband cheating on you confirms is that he doesn’t deserve you or your daughter. You did the most beautiful thing in the world by bringing HIS child to both your arms. He clearly doesn’t love or appreciate you for that and that’s his fault, not yours. I was cheated on while I was pregnant, I felt horrible because my fiance wouldn’t have sex with me for 9 months, even though I felt truely beautiful. Don’t let someone else ruin you, only YOU should have the power to let yourself feel soemthing about who you are and what you look like. You look abolustely wonderful. I’m not just saying that because I want you to feel better about yourself, but you need to realise how grateful you are to still be such a beautiful woman. and now, mother.

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