2 pregnancies, 1 birth
5 wks post partum
I found out I was pregnant when I was twenty years old, a week before my husband was set to deploy for iraq. I was pretty upset that he was going to be gone, and I would be alone. But i was partially pleased because he wouldn’t be here to see me get huge and, what i thought, unattractive. I’ve always been incredibly self conscious, never really felt I was attractive, so I was terrified what pregnancy would do to me. At first I felt gross. If you knew, you could tell i was pregnant, but to everyone else it just looked like I had a beer gut. I finally got the stage where I looked pretty darn pregnant. And I LOVED it. I felt SO beautiful. I was stretch mark free until thirty three weeks, &&than they came in droves. Still, I felt beautiful. My taut belly stretched tight over my little girl. I was constantly rubbing my tummy. My husband came back from Iraq in april, a month before the little girl was due. I was terrified of how he would see me. But I still felt beautiful. I loved walking around with my tummy out.
The last week of my pregnancy, I blew up like a balloon. I started retaining water, and my hips and thighs got stretch marks overnight. After my princess was born, i instantly felt… deflated, and jiggly. I had terrible tearing and couldn’t do anything physical for nearly a month. Today I am five weeks and three days.
I’ve got fifteen pounds of baby weight to lose. I don’t own a single pair of pants that fits. I was a size seven before the baby, and now, I’m borrowing my sisters size 12’s which are sometimes too tight.
I found out my husband cheated on me the day my daughter turned three weeks. It devastated me. I already felt terrible enough about the way I looked…. it just seemed to confirm the fact that the mess my body is now is really that disgusting. I have a hot mess of stretch marks, which I’m not terribly bothered by, I’m fair, and they’ll turn white soon enough. I just hate my body, and i don’t know if it will ever be even CLOSE to what it was before, which wasn’t all that much
The first picture is me before pregnancy.
The second is me 33wks pregnant. I felt the most beautiful there
The third is me &&my baby girl… SO worth it
The fourth is me 5 wks post partum. ugh
The fifth is a close up, stretch mark cental
The sixth is my big side