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Fanny Pack (Anonymous)

August 31, 2010

Im 21 and had 3 childern in 2 years.After having my son I got stretchmarks below my belly button and there was slight sagging. I dieted and exercised for a year untill someone said how far along are you. I went bulimic and got down to 98 lbs then recovered and went to my pre pregnancy weight of 112 lbs. Then i found out i was pregnant again, but this time with twins. My stomach is now severly deformed and the stretch marks are now above my belly button, I still have a buldge and a flap of skin that hangs over, its my fanny pack. My relationship with my childerns father isnt the same because of my belly. I cant wear jeans, I cant even wear form fitting shirts.I cant beleive I cant go shopping at hollister anymore or wear a bikini,I have to wear granny clothes, I might as well get those long night gowns and wear those for the rest of my life. :( Im constanly depressed, I love my Childern but im bitter, i have friends that were 100 lbs and got to 180 lbs being pregnant, then going right back down to 100 lbs in 2-3 weeks and they dont have a single stretch mark and on top of it thier babies were 7 1/2 to 8 lbs. I hate it, ive pulled myself away from them because when i see them I cry, Them wearing cute hollister clothes with flat tummys pushing thier child in a stoller.I dont like going anywhere anymore becuase of my body,I was a social butterfly,loved hanging out with people,going places. Im not sure how to deal with it and never will.

The photo with the green shirt is “1 month before finding out I was pregnant with my son.”
The photo in the white undies laying on the floor is “after having my son,a little bit of stretch marks”
The other two photos are after having my twins.

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14 Responses to “Fanny Pack (Anonymous)”

  1. sarah Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 8:15 am

    I didn’t read in this post how far PP you were. Congrats on your twins! That is amazing that you had two precious babies in your body. Don’t get clothes that are trendy. Hollister is not everything. There are clothes much more flattering for a body than a cotton t-shirt. Be proud of yourself mama!! much love your way

  2. kristen Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 8:52 am

    I also had my children young and close together and my body shows it! My best advice is learn to love yourself and remember that your belly helped bring your kiddos into this world!

  3. Kim Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 9:32 am

    How far postpartum are you? As far as comparing yourself to your friends- don’t do that because you don’t know what they are horribly insecure about. Under those cute Hollister shirts their bras might be holding up boobs that fall flat to their belly, maybe they are jealous of you for yours. And no one goes from 180lbs to 100lbs in 2-3 weeks without amputating something.

  4. alam Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 10:41 am

    I think you should look at the bigger picture..ur kids all this weight will come off in time..I had one kid via c section and I’m still depressed over my body but I have a beautiful son and a loving husband…enjoy ur kids and be happy..and holister isn’t the only store..

  5. Kit Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 11:17 am

    Firstly, congratulations on your fabulous babies. One baby and then twins means that your body has done an amazing job. You don’t say how far post partum you are so it’s difficult to guage your body. I could easily say “don’t worry, you’ve done an amazing thing, your children are worth it” because that’s all true (and then some!)…BUT…BUT…for some people it’s not just about that. Some people mourn the loss of their ‘old’ bodies more than others and that’s still valid. I know this because I’m one of them. I’m not sure if that makes me vain or shallow or selfish but it’s just who I am. I love my daughters more than the sum of me and they are truly the best thing that every happened to me, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that getting my figure back post-babies wasn’t important. For me, it was.
    I had twins four years ago. Before babies I had an amazing figure (washboard stomach, slim and tall) – I was really lucky in the genetic stakes. Straight after babies I was pretty shocked. My stomach was a mess of wrinkled ‘twin skin’ that had no elasticity. I had no stretch marks (just down to genetics I think, although I did oil every day just in case it would help) but the rest was just horrid. My tummy button was a horribly wrinkled mess, I had an abdominal separation. There are no photos of my tummy post babies but I wish there was and I could show you as it would give you hope. I’m pretty sure I looked a whole lot worse than you (I was 35 when my babies were born so my skin elasticity wasn’t as good as your lovely young skin is!).

    I tell you this because I can promise you I got my figure back. Running and pilates and time are what worked for me. It probably took me a good year (really two before my stomach was washboard flat again). I still have slightly funny skin around my tummy button (twin skin never truly goes…) but unless you’re me you’d never know I’d stored two babies in my tummy. So it’s possible. Don’t despair and be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to do this and don’t beat yourself up – your body has done an amazing, hard thing and it’s going to need time to get itself together again. Your friends probably have issues of their own that you don’t even know about so don’t worry about them. Concentrate on doing what you need to do to make yourself happy again but be kind to yourself in the process.

    Have heart, brave girl.

  6. Kady Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 11:54 am

    It is so hard to come to terms with your body after having a child, and seeing what its done to you. I wonder how other women learn to except their bodies so easily and I want to know their secret. I am twentyone also, and am 5 months pp, I shudder to look in the mirror naked. But finding and making time for exercise, while hard to do, does wonders for your self esteem if not just for your body. You do feel better about yourself and its a chance to exert your emotions. Something like boxing or teabo. You cant look at your friends and compare yourself, we are all built differently and handle childbearing differently. I hope you can see how special your body is for giving life to your babies :)

  7. Susy Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Just because you can’t wear holister doesn’t mean you can’t wear nice clothes! Have you tried different stores? I still wear non-grandma type clothes since having my son. Cute tshirts and tank tops, and regular semi low rise jeans. (not super low cut but not mom jeans, kwim?)

  8. Natasha Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 4:22 am

    Hello! I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I am 21 years old, and mummy to Anna (2 years old) and identical twin girls who are 8 months old. My body went back almost to normal after having my first daughter, and has been ruined by my twin pregnancy and cesarean birth. There is no other way of saying it, it has been ruined.

    I love my children to pieces, I am happy in my marriage although my marriage has suffered due to my body confidence issues and the fact I’m pretty sure my husband no longer finds me attractive :( He loves me, but I’m not the sexy 18 year old that he married anymore! I think he respects me more, though. I have gone from being that sexy 18 year old, to the mother of his children, the woman who brought his girls into the world, who nourishes them and cares for them while he is at work. He might not be so passionately attracted to me anymore, but I know he still loves me, and has the greatest respect, appreciation and admiration for what I do. His love has gone from burning and raw, passionate, to a different kind of passion, a tender, love-filled, overwhelmed passion for who I am and what I do… his love has changed, but it is just as great. It is different, but it is still love.

    I do have a lot of issues with my body. That will never change. No matter how much weight I loose, I will always have these stretchmarks, I will always have these wrinkles, I will always have those saggy bits and I will never look the same as I did when I was 18 pre-baby. I need to stop pining for it, accept what I am now, and how great I am in different ways! I need to stop agonising over what I have lost and what I am not anymore, and respect myself for what I am, and what I have.

    What I am is the best mum, and a loving wife, what I have is the perfect family, a husband and three kids who love me more than I can possibly conceive. Life is good.

    I believe the only thing that will make you happy is if you can almost let go of what you had before, and look to what you have now. You are not body-perfect ‘sexy’ in the way that you used to be, in the way the media would have us believe is the only way, and noone can lie and say you are… if we did you wouldn’t believe us. But you are sexy in a mature and womanly way now. You are sexy in a REAL way. And more than that, you have the love of your man, and the love of your children, which will never falter.

    Sending a great big hug your way, and lots of love and respect. Having twins is a massive honour, and very rewarding and you’re one of the lucky members of our exclusive twin mama club! Be proud of that. And be proud of the job you do with your children, it’s hard work, and there’s nothing more rewarding and more deserving of admiration, envy and respect.

  9. Kerry Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 6:37 am

    The great thing about becoming a mother is that our bodies do change and mature, we no longer have the body of a teenager. I like to think of my belly as something that should be honored, no it doesn’t look like my little sisters, it sags a little and is covered in stretchmarks, but why? Because we carried babies in there! And what an awesome blessing you got to experience, twins! Maybe in some society across the globe our bodies would be revered, but I think it needs to happen in the U.S. too! Your body really is beautiful, I’m sorry you’re bf/husband isn’t able to appreciate and respect your body for everything it’s accomplished.

  10. me Says:
    October 30th, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    I was 4 months post-partum

  11. Marz Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 11:00 pm

    yknow… not all women are happy to look like they’ve never been pregnant. I had a friend a few years back– we were both 20– she had a child and I didn’t. She was one of those who bounced right back to having a stick-thin body. I was natually curvy but with a very hard, flat stomach.
    Even though I had practically a six-pack, whenever the two of us and her her toddler went anywhere, someone would ask ME how old MY child was. Everyone thought that my friend was her own child’s baby-sitter (even when I wasn’t with them). They’d ask her with shocked looks, “is that baby really yours?”
    And it really hurt her to go through a difficult pregnancy, give birth, lose all the weight, and then essentially get no credit for it whatsoever.
    Just a different view on a PP experience. I found it interesting.

  12. O. Says:
    November 5th, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    Sweetie there is one thing that I think no one has commented on: I’m wondering if you are really actually doing OK? Maybe you’re mourning the passing of your “before life” in general. I think a lot of us see our post-twin bodies as yet another way in which our lives have changed so much. It’s easy to get depressed about your body if you’re not yet comfortable or settled into that new life! And it’s a hard life to get used to – don’t forget that!! We have double the screaming/diapers/colds/sleep deprivation, but we also have double the smiles, double the magic and double the love. Have you talked to your partner or a friend/family member/doctor about the way you feel?

    For whatever it’s worth, you and your body did an amazing thing – bearing 3 children – and there is nothing more beautiful than that. If you’ve got wrinkles in your skin, consider them “war scars” – something to bear with pride! And yes, my wrinkles are getting less deep with every month.

    And I love the comment someone made about the impossibility of losing 80 pounds in two weeks without amputating something – it’s so funny and so true.

  13. Lesli Says:
    January 16th, 2011 at 2:23 am

    I really relate to you. I am also 21, had twins and have horrible stretch marks (your tummy looks way better than mine, I have the really deep and brown stretch marks going everywhere to my thighs, inner thighs and even on my vagina) and I just hate being around other moms. I really despise them and feel like I am stuck because I just love my children so much… I don’t go anywhere either.

    I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, and that no matter what happens your children will always look at you as the most beautiful woman in the universe. Seeing my babies smile at me and their innocent love gets me through the days.

  14. Danielle Says:
    May 10th, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    You are not alone at all. I was 21 when I had my fairly large fraternal twins. Because I got so big I had some nasty looking stretch marks on my stomach. They do fade in time and this is even after having another baby 2 years after the twins. Your belly doesn’t look different than mine other than you don’t have nearly the amount of stretch marks I do. And you can wear jeans just don’t wear the really low ones. All you have to do is find the right clothes for you.:) I have also found that if you work out even a few times a week it helps with the belly and self confidence. Be strong because you can get through this! You are still beautiful!

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