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Disgusted With Myself (Anonymous)

May 19, 2014

Im not sure what all to put in my submission… i just found this site today and i cant tell you how thankful i am to not be the only one with body image issues after having kids..

Well, i guess i should start off by saying i will be 26 in a few weeks. I have 3 children ages 8, 5, and 2 1/2 and i absolutely Hate my body. Im 5’3 and weight 90 pounds.. no matter how many times ive tried to gain weight i just can’t.

My sides butt boobs and legs are Covered in stretch marks, there is almost No breast tissue in my boobs now.. (i went from a full c before pregnancy to a G while breastfeeding, and now after having kids i barely fill an A cup.. and the extra skin on my breasts makes me sick. I have No self confidence… with no help from.my ex husband who told me how disgusting i looked on a daily basis, constantly looked at porn because he “couldnt look at me without wanting to throw up.” He also cheated during our marriage.
Now i dont even wear shorts because i feel gross.

I am engaged to the most wonderful man who tells me every day how beautiful he thinks i am… but i feel like he gets shortchanged because i cant even have the lights on when we are intimate.. and i almost Never let him see me nude. Before having kids i had the Perfect toned body… now its impossible for me to gain weight no matter how hard i try, so im just this Super thin saggy person who is completely 100% uncomfortable in her own skin

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9 Responses to “Disgusted With Myself (Anonymous)”

  1. Faith Says:
    May 20th, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    Let me just say giving life is beautiful and you are among friends here on this site. People who criticize others are so useless to society and your ex fits this mold 100%. Sorry to be so harsh I understand he is the father of your kids but he doesn’t deserve the wonderful things you gave him.

    You ARE beautiful because you are unique and if you spend enough time on this site reading through the rest of our stories you wont feel alone. We have all been there and are in one way or another making our way through to acceptance. It isn’t always easy—this I have first hand account. I am the mum to 4 boys and my body shows that journey. Love who you are and appreciate that wonderful person in your life right now—by no means are you short changing him! Are you kidding me—what a great person you are to be the mum you are! Stay strong and I will be thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

  2. Mother earth Says:
    May 21st, 2014 at 4:28 am

    Hello, I feel so sad that yr state of mind is concerned with yr body when you are blessed with 3 beautiful perfectly healthy children( many of my friends unfortunately cant fall pregnant and hence have wonderfully fit and toned bodies but I know where I’d rather be having had a daughter myself) I wouldn’t change my drooping breasts and stretch marked stomach for the world – id do it all agsin just to have my beautiful daughter) please start to love yrself for the incredible vehicle you’ve been to bring into the world yr beautiful children) you have found a decent man whom loves you and now you need to appreciate him (and leave the lights on!! :)) ) life is way too short to worry about appearance when it’s the mind and heart that matters most!!! Xo

  3. Sara Says:
    May 21st, 2014 at 10:11 am

    Your ex is a turd. No two ways about it. What he said says everything about him and nothing about you. Never forget that. Try to see yourself through the eyes of your children and the man who loves you. It makes a difference. If you want to gain weight I would suggest consulting your doctor. Get some blood work done to rule out any physical cause for an inability to gain weight. You might have an overactive thyroid. Having kids can mess with your thyroid. Also have him/her check for diastasis recti. It just looks like you may have some muscle separation in your belly. If you have a separation you will need to tailor your workouts a bit to avoid injury. Consult a trainer or hit the internet and see if you can find ways to gain in a healthy way that you haven’t explored. Please understand that I do not believe that you are not perfectly lovely just the way you are but if gaining weight would help you to feel more positive then give it another go!

  4. Isla Says:
    May 21st, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    You are beautiful. I would trade tummies with you in a heartbeat. My stomach is COVERED in stretch marks and not nearly as toned and taught as yours looks! I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I gained 50 lbs each time and you can def tell. I currently weigh 118 and am STILL working on getting back to 113. You need to quit beating yourself up. Enjoy your precious little ones while you can. I know it’s hard but you dont need to let this consume every single day of your life, it can get miserable. And don’t let your ex husband control how you see yourself. You weren’t the problem, he was. How he treated you, that isn’t love. It sounds like you found someone who sees how beautiful you truly are. my husband still thinks im the most beautiful woman in the world even though i have saggy loose skinned breasts and stretch marks on my tummy, breasts, hips, and inner thighs. and he would never think of looking at porn. thats cheating in my book. i dont see how some women find that acceptable. its not. and good for you that you arent with that scumbag anymore. you deserve way better. i wouldn’t be ashamed to let anyone see my body if I had one like yours… And I mean that. You should def wear a bikini this summer and not be ashamed to be seen naked. Stay positive and count your blessings.

  5. Have Hope Says:
    June 2nd, 2014 at 2:36 am

    You are beautiful and you are strong, you birthed wonderful, healthy children. You should take pride in that! I was once in a similar situation to yours and I know how emotionally and psychologically devastating it can be, to have gone through an amazing experience ie childbirth … but it has changed your body to one you no longer recognize and then to top it off the jerk who you thought loved you turns out to be the world’s biggest slime ball to put it mildly. I still affectionately refer to my now shriveled and stretch mark laden stomach as a prune and I see my two C-section scars as badges of honor. It is normal to mourn the loss of someone you thought loved you and the body you had before. Your ex sounds like a self centered creep without two brain cells to rub together. He may be the father of your children as a biological fact, but sperm donation does not a daddy or a real man make. Just remember that. You are not your skin, your boobs or your stretch marks. You are a beautiful soul and it sounds like you now have a man who realizes that. You shouldn’t “yeah right” his compliments of you (the way one adjusting to their new looks might be predisposed to do), instead you should thank him for his good taste… in you! You should just tell yourself, you are beautiful every day in front of the mirror with a smile on your face and eventually you will believe it. Remember to try and stay positive and focus on things that bring you joy and peace and please, whatever you do stay away from fashion magazines or anything else that tells you how you are “supposed” to look….those things are poisonous garbage and self esteem killers. There are legions of women out there like us, not perfect and because of that we are unique and special… we are not just pieces of meat like a bucket of kfc! We are all here for you and each other!

  6. queenofhearts Says:
    June 8th, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    I hate to hear stories of ex-husbands and ex-partners who disempower and hurt those whom they are with because they are selfish and spiritually undeveloped. I am truly sorry that you had to deal with your ex-husband beating on your self-esteem and appearance. If you have faith in the world, you will find someone one day who is his exact opposite: a person who loves you for you, and doesn’t degrade you in order to feel better about himself and who he is. Your body is normal and it is beautiful. You have undergone immense spiritual, emotional and physical changes and they have resulted in the beauty of giving life to this world. If a man cannot appreciate the scars or changes left behind from this wonderful process, and takes time to cut up a woman for her changes, he is TRASH in my book! You have not lost anything from his presence being gone from your life.

    Appreciate the things you do like about your body. Exercise and eat well each day. Appreciate the beautiful children you have because they are a miracle as life is a miracle. Good luck with everything.

  7. queenofhearts Says:
    June 8th, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    I just read the last part of your story and have seen that you are engaged to someone whom you are still very shy around… on a side note, it is important to remember that if someone loves you for you, they will love ALL of you and I am glad you have found someone who seems to be this way. Do not hide yourself or reject yourself from this person. Allow him to absorb the real you. Embrace life and his love. Do not hate yourself and keep yourself from being loved because you feel your body does not allow you to deserve it. Our bodies are impermanent vessels and none of us are spared from scars and changes, remember that! If he is a mature man, he will understand this too. xx

  8. maya Says:
    June 25th, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    Please don’t hate your body. You are absolutly beautiful. Your boobs are fantastic, I like this kind of shape. You gave birth for three times and your stomach looks so great. I know how hard it must be to have self-confidence with an ex who has hurt you so deep. Believe your boyfriend, he knows the truth. I wish you will see it one day. All the best for you and your family.

  9. mznewbie Says:
    July 19th, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    Don’t let your ex allow you to rob yourself and your new partner of joy, intimacy and celebration of your body. Turn those lights on, woman! If it wasn’t your body, it would have been something else the ex would have complained about and tried to control your emotional/mental health (“you’re not smart enough, funny enough, etc.”). You have a BEAUTIFUL body, believe your new partner, he ain’t just telling you that–he is telling the truth vs. the a–hat you used to be w/. Remember that only *you* give people power to make you feel bad and he isn’t worth it. Any time I feel bad about myself, in any way, I imagine a crippling, disfiguring car accident and realize, “Holy cow, a few stretch marks on my belly would be NOTHING if I couldn’t move my legs.” I know that is a bit harsh, but it shocks you out of focusing on the cosmetic, ya know? Good luck, beautiful lady.

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