I think this site is amazing! I?ve had body issues for a VERY long time. I was stick thin throughout much of my childhood, I remember in middle school someone joking with me that the crap food I was eating would catch up with me, I laughed at them, now I LOATHE them. Because it did! By high school I developed, I don?t remember ever buying a bra in a cup size smaller then C? I was ashamed of my body and my chest. I hid them as best I could, sport bras worked great at this. I struggled with my weight, never feeling pretty enough or thin enough. Being tall and wishing I was the tiny, cute cheerleader? it sucked!
In 2001 I managed to lose 30 pounds and for once in my life actually liked my body. Slowly the weight crept back on though and by the time I got pregnant in 2006 I was right back where I started, at least it was gradual right? HA! I was really worried what pregnancy might do to my body, but dieting while trying to conceive was darn near impossible. Each month that my period showed I needed to drown my sadness and when my period wasn?t here I didn?t want to diet IN CASE I was pregnant?. You get the picture.
So I started my pregnancy at the overweight range for my height. And somehow I never loved myself more, I actually loved the belly I was growing and wore it proudly. I was fine with showing early, I wanted the world to know I had finally achieved the goal I had worked so hard for. So, I ate everything I could for the first 26 weeks or so, then came the diagnosis for Gestational Diabetes. I was devastated. Again my body issues resurfaced, because to me this was an indication that I was fat and/or unhealthy. The diet depressed me, who wants to diet when they?re pregnant? Well let me tell you, that that diet was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. It made me stop pigging out, and made me take notice. My weight gain slowed down and I was able to control the GD with diet! Best of all, my daughter was safe, as I had done my job.
Towards the end of my pregnancy the scales got dangerously close to 200, but thanks to the diet they never tipped over it! By the time I made it home with Antonia I was down 3 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight and within a couple months I was down approximately 15 pounds from my pre-pregnancy and 35 pounds total! I attribute this to breastfeeding and SHEER exhaustion, but whatever works! I am still not happy with my body and I miss how proud I was of it when I was pregnant. I know I will never have a flat stomach, my one trouble area, but I wish it wouldn?t bulge in weird ways. I hate how even now with the weight loss nothing seems to fit right, one size up and they fall off, the current size and my fat starts to roll over the waistband of pants. I wish I didn?t care, I wish I didn?t walk around sucking my stomach in to be something I?m not, but unfortunately I do. Here are some pics?
Here I am today? the stretch marks are still there and while my stomach may look great to some of you, I am ashamed of how it hangs. OR I WAS, this site has helped me to understand why it?s that way and even more importantly embrace it? as long as I have my little bean to look at, all the marks, fat and body issues are worth it. Can someone please just tell me how I can keep her from having these issues?
That?s what I meant about the bulge over the pants? I HATE IT!