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Body Image Issues, Husband Not Helping (Anonymous)

October 14, 2011

Age: 23
Number of births: 1
Age of Child: 2 months
Currently 2 months post par tum

My story goes back all the way to elementary school when I started struggling with body image issues. I had precocious puberty which is basically going through puberty way too early. I started my period at age 8 and had severe acne by age 10. Obviously I was very different than all the other girls my age, and not in a good way. Not only was I going through all this, but I was also at a very awkward age. I was a little chubby compared to all the “pretty girls”. Boys constantly teased me about my severe acne saying things like “pizza face” or they would tell me to go wash my face. I came home crying from school just about every day in 4th and 5th grade. My acne was so severe, I was the only 10 year old in the country at the time taking the strongest acne medication made. Fast forward to middle school. My face finally cleared up and I had the biggest breasts in the entire school. Boys were actually paying attention to me (because of my boobs lol), but I still compared myself to all the “popular girls”. First of all, I am NOT by any means “skinny”. I have never been skinny, I’ve always been “thick”. All the girls the boys were attracted to I had tiny petite frames and tiny petite weights to go along with them. I don’t know why, but I continued comparing myself. When I got to high school, I still wasn’t happy with my weight. (Looking back, I looked dang good but I always thought I was fat) I started skipping meals a lot toward my senior year and one summer all I really consumed was sugar free red bull. Living in Florida by the beach, makes it easy to be motivated to stay skinny. Like I said, I’ve never been super skinny, but when I graduated high school I weighed 145. It may seem a lot to some, but 145 looks really good on me.

My first year of college I met my husband. When we started dating, I weighed 150. My weight jumped from 150-165 over the next two years. Hubby decided to join the Air Force and when he was away at basic, I made it a priority to get back down to 145-150. I did this by working 12 hour day serving shifts, eating only one low calorie meal a day, and surviving solely on diet sodas for energy. I succeeded and looked really good when he graduated. Six months after he graduated basic, I moved up to Montana in February and we were married. From February 2010-November 2010 my weight jumped all the way up to 175. Everyone told me when I got married I would gain weight, but I didn’t think it would be that much. I got pregnant that November and of course my weight continued to sky rocket. Near Christmas, I discovered some racy videos on youtube that my husband watched. It wasn’t anything hardcore, but still upset me. He knew before we were married that I do not put up with porn or strip clubs. We are Christians and in my opinion, lusting after other women is considered cheating. He had never done that before when I was skinnier, and I felt so rejected. Because of the military, we didn’t have a wedding, so we had one on our 1 year anniversary to celebrate with our family since they weren’t there at the courthouse the year before. I knew my husband was having a bachelor party, but he kept assuring me he didn’t want to go to a strip club. Well stupid me believed him, and I found out the next day they did. It completely broke my heart. I already was feeling completely self conscious about my changing body and it made me feel uglier and uglier. I was half way through my pregnancy when that happened. Then two months later, I flew home for a baby shower. Because I was feeling very suspicious, I installed a program on our computer that tracks every move you make on it. I wanted to know if my husband was looking at inappropriate stuff on our computer. Sure enough, as soon as he dropped me off at the airport, guess what he was doing? Not only was he doing that, he was making moves to ensure I wouldn’t find out (deleting stuff, being in “private mode” on the computer, etc) This made me lose all trust in him and really took a tole on our marriage. All I could think about was how things might be different if I weren’t pregnant. If I wasn’t fat, he would want me instead of the girls on the computer. He said this was the only time he had done that since we were dating. (I just recently found out that was lie and he was looking at that stuff in December) It kind of made me resent my bulging stretch marked belly. My weight kept going up, and all I could feel was rejection from my husband. The day before I went into labor I weighed a whopping 223 pounds.

I am currently 8 weeks post par tum and weigh 190. I absolutely HATE my body. I still do not feel sexy, and don’t think I ever will again. I do love my son with all my heart though. I never thought I could love someone as much as him, and I don’t resent him at all for my body looking like it does. I am having a really hard time though because my husband comes from all brothers. The only other female in the family besides his mom is our sister in law. She is a size 0 and probably doesn’t weigh 90 pounds soaking wet. Her son is two years older than ours and you could never tell she’s ever had a baby. She has no stretch marks and returned to her pre-pregnancy size after a month post par tum. His family always talks about how small she is and how great she looks in front of me, and in a way I have built up resentment toward her because of it. I’m taking it one day at a time though and trying to come to terms with how I look now. My husband says I look sexy, but I don’t believe him. I just recently found a search of a porn star on his iPod. I know he cant possibly be turned on by me. We are trying to work and build back trust in our relationship though.If any of you knew me personally, I would NEVER in a million years show you how my body looks. But, because of all the wonderful women on this site, I am willing to open up and show pictures. I think this site is so inspiring. It makes me realize I’m not the only one who looks like this. You women are so incredibly awesome and I wish I could have one ounce of the confidence yall have.

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40 Responses to “Body Image Issues, Husband Not Helping (Anonymous)”

  1. Mina Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Your post partum belly looks totally normal to me – 8 weeks is really not very long.
    Just a gentle suggestion regarding your husband…I would guess that his attraction to viewing porn probably has nothing to do with you. I don’t mean that you should be OK with it (how each couple feels about that and where their boundaries are is personal), but I think it’s more than likely that his feelings/attraction to you vs the porn are completely separate and not intertwined. I guess I’m saying that just because he’s looking at porn doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you.
    take care.

  2. Anna Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 10:54 am

    I know exactly what you are going through. While my husband was deployed, I accidentally found out he was looking at and HAD been looking at porn throughout our marriage. I was devasted. Being Christian too, I had to not think about wanting to divorce him and instead try and make our marriage work. I am always paranoid that he is still looking, and I dont trust him at all. Our daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I feel like she is a tie that keeps us together. I think you looked fantastic before and after baby! Its only two months, I think when I really noticed I had lost my baby weight was about 1 year postpartum. You have to give yourself time, and just enjoy your little guy before he grows up, and he will grow up fast!! Best of luck to you and your husband

  3. Marz Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    I was expecting to see a considerably large woman that what your pictures showed. Honey, there is nothing any of us on tihs site can tell you that will fix your marriage and the broken trust between the two of you. I will say that if you’re feeling so terribly about yourself that it will eventually explode and become even worse (I too am a military wife and have seen this happen to too many people).
    The military provides free marital counseling. You and your husband need to communicate your feelings to each other without being condescending. Your husband was wrong to not tell you that he was interested in looking at other things, but you also violated his trust by spying on him– and yes, we’ve all been guilty of that at one point or another.
    I’m not trying to patronize you, I’m just trying to give you the best posible advice I can give. Sometimes good advice is just a nice compliment, sometimes it’s an anecdote from an earlier experience… in this case, I think that unless you get some counseling (which provides a moderator so you can both get your feelings out in a nonstressful environment), your feelings and resent will continue to build up and you will take it out on your husband– who, in turn, will seek alternate avenues– which, in turn, you find out about and get more resentful. It’s a vicious cycle.
    I hope the two of you are able to work things out, because you are a beautiful person who sounds like they are being stressed to the breaking point :( And you definitely deserve to be happy.

  4. shannon Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Hunny…I am so so sorry. I am just like you, in the sense that I also cry over my body, and do not feel sexy at all. I had my 1st at 20 (I was 115 at 5’2″ before pregnancy) and my 2nd at 22. I have stretch marks, loose skin, and a ledge from 2 cesareans. I am 121 now (but I do not look the same at all).
    I am also like you in the “no porn, no strip clubs”. As far as I am concerned, if you want to look at other women naked then don’t be with me because it is disrespectful and wrong. Like you, I believe lusting is just as bad as cheating. I am so sorry about what your husband is doing to you. I have no right to tell you what to do…but I can tell you what I would do…I would leave.
    My husband has been to a strip club once…we were not married yet, we had only been together for 3 months actually, but I was so crushed. It has been 8 years since and it still hurts when I really think about it. Having our children really made him such a better person. He would never do that again and, and I trust him. I would not be with someone who I did not trust…it just eats away at you. I wish you luck.
    On another note…are you kidding me?!?!?!?! You had a baby 8 darn weeks ago, and you look AMAZING. Your uterus just went down to it’s normal size about 2 weeks ago. Oh…DO NOT “DIET” THE WAY YOU DID IN THE PAST. Starving yourself is not a diet. Eat healthy (small meals about 5-6x a day), and exercise regularly. Get Jillian Michaels DVD the “30 Day Shred”. It is only a 20 minute workout and it really works! Do that 5x a week and you will see a big difference. You are beautiful mama :)

  5. john Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    sorry coming from a guy here with a wife and daughter that is 2yrd.
    i have to ask really? you look great. you just had a baby a few months ago!! you will continue to trim down and stretch marks will fade as did the ones on my wife. she looks great and i love her. she’s now my milf! =)
    but as for as going on the net and looking at porn its just something all guys do if they admit it or not. as long as thats all he’s doing i wouldn’t worry so much. if its more than that then something needs to be said or done.
    but keep your chin up and be happy!!! you have a new born and your stretch marks will fade and you will loose the weight. hope that helps in some way. =)

  6. Sarah Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    I have a secret for you: confidence takes practice. A lot of practice! Telling yourself that you are beautiful and worth it and changing the internally looping sound track that you’ve trained yourself to replay over and over that says “I’m fat and worthless” takes a lot of practice and a lot of strength. I’ve had to change my internal sound track. It took a while and now I don’t know why I ever thought those things or how I could ever think those things. So no, it doesn’t come naturally for everyone… in fact, I’m sure it doesn’t come naturally for most people!

    I want to encourage you to keep your head up. I don’t agree with pornography or lying to one’s spouse, either. Those things really hurt. But keep in mind that your husband’s problem has NOTHING to do with what you look like. If you were 120 pounds, he would be doing those things all the same. It’s an addiction, the porn problem and it’s his personal problem, lying to you. Stop blaming yourself now.

    By the way, you just had a baby and you look amazing and beautiful. Besides looks, you deserve to enjoy this time of transition in your life and your little one. Congratulations on being a mommy. There are many more sunshiny days on the way. Some days will be more work than others, but they are definitely on the horizon.

    Best of luck!

  7. Karla Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    oh honey! I am sorry you have to go through this in a moment when you should b feeling so blessed! (after having a baby). You look fantastic for 8 weeks! trust me! the grand majority of us looked like that…and there is nothing wrong with looking like you just had a kid…cause you just had a kid! But let me tell you something…the way you look has nothing to do with what your husband is doing. You could be Miss Universe and he would still do it. Even though some may say that pornography is normal I am a Christian too and understan where you are coming from…even if pornography were to be normal (which I think is not) he should be able to stop if you ask him. I hope you guys can find a therapist so you can talk about the issues you are both dealing with… he needs to come clean with what he is doing.
    Finally, just wanted to tell you again how geat you look! the strecht marks will fade with time…and with some exercise you should be able to strengh the core again! :) God bless!

  8. internet person Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    1. You look good.

    2. All men look at porn. Even if your husband is looking at “perfect” women on the internet, it doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you. Men like to look at naked women.

  9. Melissa Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    You said it yourself, “2 months postpartum”! Give yourself some time mama, you deserve it. You are beautiful, your body is beautiful. Few more months and more than likely you’ll lose the remainder of the weight. Do some cardio if your really worried. But honestly you look good.

    I’m 12 months pp and still have an extra 19 lbs to lose, until I get back down to 180 where I was pre preggo. However, if I don’t, it’s totally okay. Cause I love what my body did for me, it brought me my gorgeous little girl just like yours brought you your handsome boy. Try staying positive, you did good. :)

  10. Rianon Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Hey, your story sounds exactly similar to what I went through with my husband a couple of years ago after the birth of my daughter. I had lost all my pregnancy weight and more but still felt self conscience of my changed body and new stretch marks. I caught him looking at porn on my computer, my friends computer, his phone etc. Every time I found out we had huge fights, I would cry and feel horrible about myself. I thought that I wasn’t pretty enough or have a nice enough body to satisfy him I felt I was faithful to him in every way and there he was lusting after scandalous women on the computer. We resolved our issues and I didnt find any other things. Fast forward a couple years.my stretch marks had faded, I was thin and had gotten breast implants and guess what? He still liked to look at porn. Men just like to look at porn, to them it has nothing to do with what their wife or girlfriend looks like, they just want to see other naked women. A man could be married to the most beautiful woman in the entire w world and still want to see other naked women. Now, that being said does not give them the right to keep doing it while it is making their relationships suffer and their wives feel horrible and undesirable. If your husband is continuing to look at porn despite you telling him how horrible it makes you feel about yourself and your relationship than thats the real problem. Not your body. You gave birth to his child and your body has changed. That is not the reason he keeps looking at porn, it’s because he’s continuing putting his selfish desires over your feelings. You are beautiful and don’t forget that. Don’t let other people make you feel bad about yourself.

  11. taiyo Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    I think you look amazing! 8 weeks post-partum? You look awesome, and as though you still have definition in your stomach. 8 weeks is so early, and it’s hard to feel that way now, but things will change slowly. That is so unhelpful about your husband’s family making comments about your sister-in-law. We are all unique, and it’s hard when someone seems to “bounce back” so quickly. It’s hard to do, but try to trust that your husband does find you sexy, and focus on your beautiful brand new baby. You are beautiful!!!

  12. Colleen Says:
    October 14th, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    I’m just going to throw one thing out there. Looking at porn does NOT mean your husband finds you unattractive. In the slightest. I know for a fact that my husband finds me dead sexy–and not because of what he says, but because of the looks he gives me and the way he can’t keep his hands off of me. I also know he has a fair collection of racy pictures on his computer. I’m okay with this. I have a very low sex drive and I simply can’t keep up with him. That’s just me, it doesn’t bother me. Your religious beliefs make you NOT okay with this, and your husband should respect that if nothing else. But please, PLEASE realize this doesn’t mean he thinks you’re repulsive.

    Your husband came from a family of jerks that doesn’t know how to value a real, beautiful woman. It is rude of them to compare you to your sister in law in any way, shape or form. Plus, for all you know, she has horrible insecurities about her body as well. Being back to your pre-pregnancy size in a month is unrealistic–some women do it, but most don’t, and the ones who do…aren’t always healthy. I am 26 months PP and still 12 pounds above my “pre” weight. It takes time. You will lose the weight eventually, but expecting to take off what it took 9 months to put on, in two months, is unrealistic. You are beautiful now, but you can lose the weight if you want to.

  13. sera Says:
    October 15th, 2011 at 3:43 am

    you look great, give yourself some time – its only been 8 weeks!
    about the porn thing – and i’m genuinley saying this to try to help you – just forget about it, most men (and plenty of women!) look at it, his brother with the size 0 wife probably looks at it too, its not a reflection on you, its just a normal thing people do.

  14. Gem Says:
    October 15th, 2011 at 3:44 am

    You look lovely. You’re in fantastic shape for a new mum. Don’t look at your husband looking at porn as him not being attracted to you, it could be anything from him just looking for entertainment, to him feeling disconnected due to the new bubs (dads often find a new focus in the family confusing!) The stretch marks will fade quickly, just keep moisturising, and to put it quite simply, your body is still in fantastic shape! I you feel he isn’t turned on by you, just try dressing up in some sexy lingerie for him and seeing how quickly he proves you wrong!

  15. Lauren Says:
    October 15th, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Your story breaks my heart. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If your husband really believes in Christ and claims to follow him, he needs to get real with himself before God and admit that this lust is not honoring God and is hurting his wife, whom he should love like Christ loves the church – to his very death!- and care for like his own body (Eph 5). I really can only encourage you two to sit down with a pastor asap and work out his sin issue with lust. If he won’t go, you should go and share with a woman you trust who will pray with you and counsel you. If you don’t trust each other this will put a rift in your marriage that will get more and more difficult to heal. I think you look beautiful. Try to love him so much it will show him how unloving he has been and bring him to repentance. Love in Christ, Lauren

  16. Mariah Says:
    October 15th, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Sister, for 8 weeks PP, you look AMAZING!! I am serious. Trust me when I say this; your body will recover, and you WILL learn that the feelings of sexiness will come back.

    In any relationship it’s important to feel attracted to each other, and for a man to show desire for his wife. Without those feelings, your self esteem can really suffer.

    It’s absolutely NOT my place to tell you what to do in your marriage, but reading this makes my heart go out to you. You deserve honesty; even when it’s not sugar-coated. I hope you can gain the strength to SEE what a beautiful body you have, and how great you look even at this phase. I am 33 mos PP, and I look like you do NOW. I’m actually a little jealous of you. :)

    Trully; your body will recover. Your stretchmarks will fade, and your belly with come back more. In a very short period of time you might not even be able to tell they’re there. :) The shape and way your belly stretched is VERY similar to mine, and my stretchmarks have all faded. Without having string light, you don’t even see them anymore.

    Cheer up momma; You’re hot! You should see that about yourself, because there’s nothing wrong with the shape you have. You gave birth to a son and your body will always be beautiful!

  17. Ashley Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 12:30 am

    You look great for 2 months postpartum! Give your body some more time to recover! The stretchmarks will fade a lot more, and the weight took 9 months to put on, so you need to give yourself more than 2 months to get it off! You don’t look like you weigh 190 either.

    I’d try to cut your husband a little slack too, it’s wrong of him to betray your trust, but by installing the computer program to track him you’re deceiving him as well (IMO). Try talking to him about why what he’s doing upsets you so much.

  18. Julia Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 6:25 am

    The grass is always greener on the other side isn’t it? In high school I was one of those skinny size 0 chicks…and longed for curves. I hated my flat-chested boyish figure. 15 years and 2 kids later, I don’t have to worry about being a toothpick anymore :) I’m no cover-model (I’ll never have those kind of curves), but one thing I’ve learned is that, in the real world, “sexy” is as much who you are inside as outside. Honey, you look great–I can’t believe you’re only 8 weeks post. The hormones in your system right now are playing with your mind…it’ll fade. The stretch marks will fade too. Wear your new body with pride, you have gone from being a girl, to being a woman!

  19. Dee Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Your stretchies will fade more and the tummy will go away will diet and exercise (not that there’s anything wrong with little tummy). And your navel looks fabulous. I used to have a very cute, small innie, but now it’s larger and flat with stretchmarks branching out of the top.

    Good job! Keep working on your relationship! After we had our daughter, my boyfriend and I had a very difficult time getting our relationship back on good terms. I was always so self conscious about my body and he never wanted to be intimate. I thought it was because of my body, but turns out he was just overly stressed and it took away from his sex drive. If only I knew that it would have saved us months of fighting. So, communication is key.

    I wish you the best. You’re beautiful.

  20. Astrid Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    From the title of your entry I was expecting something very different- perhaps a husband who made cruel comments or purposefully made you feel badly. But dear, this is in your head. You said yourself that he told you that you look sexy now and you DO- wonderful figure. And you got knocked up when you weighed 175 so obviously he is attracted to you even when heavier than your normal/preferred weight! +15lbs over that when you are only 8weeks PP is nothing, you will lose that and more in the next few months, your tummy muscles will recover and tighten, marks will fade.

    Time will heal your body but it sounds like it won’t help your body issues or problems with jealousy and distrust. He sounds like a normal guy who was trying to protect you by surfing the web “privately”. I guarantee he was looking at racy stuff even when you were skinnier (70-87% of men do this at least once a month, christian or not) and he isn’t rubbing your face in it or pressuring you to look like porn stars, right? It sounds like you really need counseling- alone and as a couple- to work this out.

  21. jackie Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    hey there. i made a post 2 under yours in recent.. its called how can i love my new body?
    look hun your beautiful no matter what.. and your stretch marks arent that bad! and im not trying to sugar coat it either..
    i got bad stretch marks on my legs .. inner thighs and butt/hip from fast weight loss.. ive also got some on boobs and 2 on each side of the front of my belly bio oil helped fade the redness(honestly)
    and ive caught my bf looking at other girls asses and (he has looked online at girls on youtube porn).. even his own family members! cousin/sister.. well atleast i swear he is… then he says noo im not looking at other girls blahblah.. but it makes me hate my ass because of the marks so bad! i use a derma roller.. check it out… working well but slow process.. i use a 1.5mm needle.

    keep your head up hun

  22. KellyAnn Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your self image. As I was reading though, I couldn’t help but notice that everything you are saying sounds just like it could have come from my mouth! I was 150 with a big bust and could never realize how great I looked because I thought guys only wanted tiny girls. I tried crazy diets most of my teenage life and I regret deeply that I didn’t see my health was more important. I have stretch marks just like the ones you’ve posted (I am like completely covered with them without much hope I’ll ever look like I did before my baby) and for the first few weeks I’d break into tears when I looked in the mirror.

    I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with a husband who tells me everyday how beautiful I am and isn’t phased by what my body looks like now because he is so in awe that I created, nourished and delivered our child with it. It is because of him that I feel sexier than I ever have and it is because of my baby girl that I feel more pride than I ever have. I can only wish you the best of luck that your husband will begin to see that his wandering eyes are so hurtful to you. Perhaps you should consider couple’s counseling. Your self esteem should matter more to him and he really needs to realize he needs to change if he really meas it when he says ‘I love you’. Praying for both of you!

  23. Ash Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    You look the same I do! I think in your head you are picturing something worse than it is, you just had a baby it takes time for your body to heal and go back down. My husband does the same thing with porn I just gave up the fight on that one lol lol cause while hes busy lookin at that their is a man maybe dreaming about me lol same for you. Guys always want and lust after what they dont have and Il tell you the more you feel low self esteem the more he will be put off. You have to get confidence for YOU. YOU made a beautiful baby and you are a sexy woman. Who is to tell you other wise, everyone has flaws thats what makes us beautiful. All those porn women are fake as hell anyways airbrushed photo shop etc. You might not think right now you are sexy but I think your belly is sexy and Il tell you what if you were to leave your hubby I can bet a million dollars he would flip! Try to focus on you what you like maybe spend some time for YOU working out and stop worrying about him. Once you get your confidence and let all that small stuff go he will start paying you more attention, trust me I did it and it worked for me. Who cares what he fantasises about its all imagine anyways you are his reality and he chose for YOU to be his reality so that says alot. Good luck and dont be so down on yourself in the end its just a body and God doesnt care about that stuff. Workout eat right be healthy enjoy your family and forget the rest dont waste your time or life obsessing over small things when you could be spending your time doing something meaningful!

  24. Jen Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    I am so sorry for your husband, but I can relate. Mine did the same thing to me. We have 2 children, and I’m clothes you can’t tell at all. I’m 5’3 and weigh 100 lbs, I did get stretch marks though, but he still looked for girls online. He admitted he had a problem, and got help. It has almost been a year since he quit and we are working hard to fix our relationship. I know it isn’t easy, but it can be done. You look fantastic, and if you aren’t happy, eat healthy and work out some and I’m sure it will help a lot. I wish you the best of luck with your marriage but one thing I have learned is to never let a man make you feel like you are not good enough. You created life, his child, you should be perfect to him, and if he can’t see that, then he is crazy.

  25. Jen Says:
    October 16th, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    And in clothes****

  26. skye Says:
    October 17th, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    You are definitely not alone when it comes to the porn issue! Its the lying that hurts the most, the utter disrespect.
    I understand that for some women it is perfectly ok, their men probably were’nt hiding and lying about it though…
    I truly beleive that porn distracts from the true beauty and strength of women. Why are men so drawn to it I wonder? Women need to be held in a much higher regard, what we are capable of is mind blowing!! Do men really understand how incredible women are? There is so very much more to see than the outside layer. For too long women have been pushed to rely on their looks, to compete with the ‘sex parade’ that flaunts itself where-ever you turn! We end up so beaten down and wondering why we are not enough… why do we hold the unrealistic ideals of men so high? Why is it so important to bounce back and look good for our men just so as they keep an intrest in us?
    A real man cares not for fake beauty and ridiculous sex romps! His true respect for his woman would far out weigh any desire to watch something so empty and derogatory.
    If they are that interested in sex why dont they go and learn something about tantra and enjoy some true loving with their woman and, if need be, tape it! …getting of soap box now, I wish you all the best, you deserve it!

  27. Nadia Says:
    October 19th, 2011 at 9:58 am

    I think that you look beautiful! I could have written your story myself. My husband is addicted to pornography. We are Christian too (LDS) and it is devastating to me. I am trying so hard to help him. He wants to stop, but this has been happening for years. We can’t go to the temple unless he stops this, and it is killing me. I feel just like you do….unsexy, unwanted, lonely. If you need someone to talk to, please email me at nbeckman@fitandpreggers.com. I would love to have someone to talk to as well. It is such a hard thing to go through. Please just know that you are absolutely beautiful. You created a life inside of your belly, and that is amazing. I am sending love your way!

  28. Elissa Says:
    October 19th, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    I just wanted to comment on this post…you have lots of time to get into shape don’t worry about your body…if your husband says he finds you attractive I’m sure he isn’t lying. Now as for the porn….My first boyfriend who happened to be before my husband was addicted to porn in a sense that he would email the porno women and put up ads online at singles websites…Now That to me WAS cheating and pushing it. He had a fetish for MILFS and old women…Literally OLD OLD nasty women that did porn…Obviously nasty…But I am also a Christian and honestly I have encouraged my husband to enjoy it. He is entirely faithful…Works his 4 day shifts and is always home with us when he is off. Men have different urges and needs. I know I am the most beautiful woman to him even if he looks at porn. The boy fights so hard to make me happy and adores every detail of my body even after children and even finds me sexier. Do NOT push or make such an issue over him looking at porn. He might become less interested if he feels it’s not going to get him into trouble…But really I don’t like to have sex while I’m preggo and can’t for 6 weeks after…and last pregnancy and breastfeeding period I had a really low sex drive and told him to go look at his dirty websites I was too tired lol. But also I take pictures for him and send them to him while he is at work…just for fun…he has a collection of pictures of me on our computer…Guess the other porno girls don’t compare to the woman he has at home that will do fun sexy things for him…Don’t be so down on yourself, act sexy and be sexy even if you don’t believe it…Because he will…:)

  29. Kate Says:
    October 20th, 2011 at 10:50 am

    2 months postpartum HA! That is like 2 minutes in post-partum time. Girl, your body will be sooo different (in a good way) in 3-4-8 months from now that you wont be able to believe you ever looked like this. Yes having patience is hard, and having to suffer through this period where you dont feel or look your best while it seems like every other woman on earth is thin, tight and perky does suck.
    Second, what I just said is not conformation that you are not sexy or that you look ugly in any way. I am just acknowledging how you feel, and if you hate what you see(I hate my mirror too)and all this “ugliness” is real to you then I know there is know way to talk you out of it. Still I have to say it…you look beautiful, nice waistline, firm skin and it appears you have great boobs under that bra too. I wouldnt mind looking like you at all.
    Last, Im so sorry that your husband is hurting you like this. I agree with you, and I am not even a Christian. The idea that this is just something all men do is sooo BS. Maybe its the reason this website even exists, the reason women cant love their bodies again after giving birth, the reason women chop off skin and suck out fat and feel the need to look exactly as before as soon as they push out the kid! the fact that there is and endless barrage of “perfect” unscarred, unstretched sexed-up skinny women to gawk at any time anywhere they want-how can that NOT be hurtful to the moms who sacrificed their “perfect” bodies to have children???? Who would feel sexy when having porn women to compete with? Of course we are going to compare ourselves to them..our husbands are jerking off to their images every other night! Women go through the journey of childbearing, our bodies change, we lose some of our beauty. But we are expected to just accept it all with grace(or fix it with plastic surgery)while our men dont look one bit different and they can still have their “perfect” women on the internet!!
    Sorry for the rant, this just makes me so angry to see a beautiful mom suffer like this because of our culture’s huge disrespect for women

  30. Bree Katsamangos Says:
    October 21st, 2011 at 1:46 am

    I think you are beautiful and your stretch marks – just like mine are a mark of honour. They are testament to the strength of women.

  31. shannon Says:
    October 22nd, 2011 at 11:52 am

    I have to disagree with the women that say “men are different and have more urges…so let them look…”. They would not like it if we typed in “big cocks” into a google search…so why should we be ok with them searching for boobs or vaginas on the internet? It is called a double standard. It is not ok…it is disrespectful. If he wouldn’t want you doing it, then he shouldn’t do it either.

    Good luck hun…again, you are beautiful. If you feel that it is wrong for your husband to look at porn….then don’t let anyone try to convince you that it isn’t. It is your relationship and your feelings.

  32. angels mom Says:
    October 22nd, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    i tink your post body looks good after eating right and working out you willl be back to our old body and i think if you want your husband stop watching that stuff spice up your sex life wear sexy lingerie and do fun strip tease just do lil things that would make him feel like he dont need to watch that stuff cuz he has all the freaky things he likes in his wife

  33. Autumn Says:
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:20 am

    I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel and at my lowest points porn really became an issue for me and my ex-husband. It took a lot for me to come to terms with the fact that my partner looking at porn says absolutely nothing about me. It says absolutely noting about you! I’m not saying that he is doing the right thing by looking at porn and breaking that trust you had, especially considering he knew this was something you found unacceptable when he went into the relationship with you.
    You really look amazing, honest!

    I wish you all the best, I hope you are soon able to see the beauty that I and everyone else here sees.

  34. mels Says:
    November 11th, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    I think you look amazing….I think you are a bit hard on yourself. Men like porn. In my opinion…its not that big of a deal…he isnt posting sex ads or hanging out at titty bars…Women get so upset that their man watches porn, and it is self defeating. They are still gonna do it and when you catch them, it hurts you….not them. Pick your battles. Since you are stealthy, why don’t you leave up some male based porn on your computer…see how he likes it. It doesnt seem that doing that would be past you. You two need some counselling to make it. His actions clearly upset you, and you go to great lengths to catch him, and he continues to do it. A marital counsellor would put a lot of your insecurities to rest through talking and undestandign…You are beautiful. And although you don’t see it…your husband does. Trust me…best of luck, i hope it all works out for you…

  35. Marcella Says:
    November 19th, 2011 at 1:27 am

    OMG! you just told my story only thing is he ain’t deployed and i do not have a sis inlaw that size but he has an ex that popped out 2 babies and looks a size zero. he too told me i looked great and had a perfect body. I weigh 206pds. and before having my son i was 135-145pds. And today he tells me if i gain more weight he was going to leave me. He just doesn’t realize its harder for me to lose this weight like his precious ex did. after having my son i had to have gallbladder surgery which if i didnt get the surgery done when i did i could of died when giving birth i tore bad down below making it hard to walk. I had beta strep. I went through hell after having the baby. he and i recently just got together after leaving me for a girl at work who is fatter then me but yet he has the courage to now tell if i gain more weight he is going to leave me. He has an app on his phone called TSB its a magazine on how to build confidence on picking up chic’s he has read the book mystery method which is the same thing. he has been looking at porn saved a ton of porn pic’s goes on dating sites. So i been a wreck stress wise trying to make him happy but the more i do isnt good enough for him. so im constantly stressed out which makes it hard to lose my weight. he don’t help me at all with keeping our home clean when i ask him to help he flips out on me. so i never have time to work on me and he just dont get it.i hate myself more then i have ever hated anyone. I am so hurt and constantly in tears now because i am such a disgust to him…. I hope things get better for ya and i hope my story helps you out on not feeling alone in this.

  36. Bunny Says:
    November 30th, 2011 at 10:19 am

    I just have to say I have gone through a TON of crap with my boyfriend over porn. We’ve been together nearly 8 yrs and I have caught him about 15 times I’m guessing so twice a year i’d find some type of evidence. I have talked to many women and men about this issue and I came to the conclusion that i need to just let it go. Every single man I talked to admitted to looking at porn once or twice a week. Evey single one of them. Basically all the women I talked to had caught their guy looking at porn. I don’t like it and I wish he didn’t do it but it’s unfortunately something most men do. I decided to tell him to stop begin stupid enough to get caught bc I don’t wanna see any of it and I don’t wanna know about it either. If I find evidence of it, he has to do something for me to make me feel beautiful like give me money to buy an outfit or something. I really do believe at this point that there’s no stopping it. He’s a wonderful loving, loyal guy so I just let it go for the sake of our happiness.

  37. Jolene Says:
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:17 am

    Porn is not okay in marriage in my opinion and I would have left because to me when it comes to cheating or lack of dedication it is the thought that counts. It is not the fact that you’ve touched someone it is that you claim to love one person above all others and as vows say “forsake all others” and then find the need to use others for your satisfaction. That said he is a nut in my opinion because you look lovely!!!!!

  38. Jolene Says:
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:18 am

    P.S. Bunny my husband hates porn and even if it was me looking at it he would snap, if I seen a man or a woman it wouldn’t matter..to me it is all excuses if people say it is “normal”. It is perfectly okay to be upset with this behavior, especially when married so do what is best for you.

  39. Care Says:
    May 2nd, 2013 at 11:14 am

    Anonymous -
    I’m going through a similar thing.
    Just had baby. might i say I wish my belly looked like yours. I am beyond stretched marked out. when i see allthese women that have no battle scars or signs of weeight gain, it really sucks i know
    I had same puberty issues along with the self image.
    Husband looks at porn too. it sucks cuz we got pregnant as newly weds. So less than a month after baby was born our anniversary came and we barely celebrated and that night his shower was a little too long with deleted history on his iPod.

    I have no advice :(
    But I thought I’d let you know that I’m with you. You’re not alone at all.

  40. hayleigh Says:
    August 6th, 2014 at 7:16 am

    I feel your pain. Im 22 with a 16 month old son. Boyfriend of 6 years. He is 26

    All throughout bour relationship I have caught him looking at porn or searching for sexy pictures online, on facebook, starring at girls we pass.

    I have always suffered with confidence.
    He knows I dont put eith with him doing it. Always promises to stop bu always gets caught.

    When my son was 8 months old I found out he had been searching for sexy girls on facebook, girls he used to know and even ex girlfriend’s.

    Makes me hate my flat chest (that wouldnt even let me breastfeed my son. Now that makes you feel like a failure as a mother and woman), ny stretchmarks and mummy pouch.

    I want to leave him because of what he keeps doing but he says im over reacting. I cant take the thought of him wanting other womenbin that way. He told me I was still beautiful and sexy after I gave birth and he proves it by lusting after others! !!

    I am a pretty woman, slim. I always attract guys.

    Why would he do that weeks after I had just gave birth???

    I dont believe all men do it or its in their DNA.

    So im stuck with a lying sleaze. Wouldn’t be sk bad if he helped witj his sone once in a while. nit a single nightfeed or getting up with our son. I I havent had a lie in in years but he does every week end. Doesnt cook, clean. NOTHING.

    Doesnt even understand or care that I have post natal depression. (I feel he adds to it, alot)

    Sorry to rant I just have no one 1 I can talk to about this or him.

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