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Believing My Husband’s Words (Nikki)

March 10, 2011

Age: 24
7 pregnancies, 2 births
Children age: 4 yrs & 15 months

I enjoy coming to Bonnie’s website because I know, if anything, it gives women a place to be open and honest with themselves. Whether or not a woman takes anything constructive from it is individual. I have seen bodies of women who I think shouldn’t complain and bodies of women who could have every reason to. In all, this site will either make you appreciate what you have or loathe it. But day after day, I come and read the very similar posts of my fellow mothers and begin to think: “Why do we put so much weight into our looks?” I haven’t seen any websites for men to discuss their calloused hands, beer gut and flat butt. My husband has more stretch marks (due to steroids for a condition) and ACTUAL skin problems (eczema, psoriasis) than I do, but he doesn’t think himself ugly or unfit for intimacy. If I can love him for who he is and his looks, and I’m pretty sure you ladies feel the same way about your SO, then why of all whys do we question whether our men still find us attractive? Our men aren’t any beauty queens or underwear models themselves, but we put ourselves thru all kinds of mental and physical hell to be something we think our men desire. When on the flip side, they aren’t worried about doing it for us.

For example, I was watching Dr. Oz and he had some overweight women who felt insecure of their bodies and wanted help. Well right beside them was their overweight husbands. Why do they have to take on the unattractive burden when their husbands are no more attractive or in any better physical condition? But if you asked those same women how they felt about their husband, they’d say they love them unconditionally and looks didn’t matter. Unless they’re lying to make them feel good, why can’t men say what will make us feel good? Sounds unfair and one-sided don’t you think? But it’s possible for a man to actually consider our worth in terms of personality and inner beauty than looks alone. If men aren’t stressin’, neither should we. And we bring something even better to the table: our beauty is amplified by bringing life into this world. A man’s beauty is amplified by the type of father he is to those children. Ladies, if we are stressing about our looks for a man we think will leave us because of our looks, he wasn’t worth keeping around anyway. He’d be considered shallow and not worth your love. But if we keep compounding our self loathing onto them, it will turn them off to us. They want a confident woman regardless of what society deems her body. Because frankly, men get tired of hearing us complain or worse, refusing them intimacy. We’re not some damn peacock strutting around. Our brains are too complex to live our lives focused on the quality of our feathers. There are people needing love and attention inside and outside our homes, so we need to take stock on the abilities and capabilities of ourselves. We take on spouses for the comfort and security of being ourselves and walking together on a path to greater things. There shouldn’t be any room for shame.

Couples should support and encourage physical fitness and better eating for the sake of being healthier so you all can grow old together and see your grandkids, not so you can look like Gisele and he Tom Brady. They’re not that cute anyway, lol. While I would hope this message reaches someone, if anything I want it to make women think. And remember, if he says you look hot, beautiful, sexy, or bangin’ BELIEVE HIM.

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22 Responses to “Believing My Husband’s Words (Nikki)”

  1. Jenny W Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:56 am

    I really liked this, very true!

  2. salinza33 Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Perfect. I needed this, Thank you!

  3. Kelly Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Beautifully written,,,you changed my complete mindset. I have a 16 month old and I have had a constant battle with myself trying to be the “BODY” I was pre-pregnancy and the way my husband met me. Not once since the birth of our child has he put me down or talked about the way I looked. He actually likes my new curves…I need to appreciate that and stop being so critical on myself. Thanks Nikki.

  4. sarah Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    SO TRUE! p.s You look great!

  5. Liz Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    I lovelovelove your post! Thank you!

  6. EM Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    awesome entry!!! it’s so true! thank you!!!

  7. Liz Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    Thank you :) This was nice!

  8. JJ Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    Thank you so much!! I’ve been battling with this for so long and your words are so true!

  9. Emerald Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Amazing entry. Just what so many (myself included) women needed to hear. Thankyou for putting it so eloquently – you are a gem xx

  10. elizabeth ashby Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    You are so right thank you for helping me 2 wake up 2 myself

  11. Crystal Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    This was a great post and I feel the same, I choose to love and strut my body because I am perfect to him, I feel confident because I do not wish to waste time over something that will not change. I have my moments but like you said if he was going to leave over shallow reasons there is no reason to keep him around

  12. Susan Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    Beautiful post! Thank you!!

  13. Jess Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 6:13 am

    you are awesome! i loved this post a better perspective!….and your pic is hot toO!

  14. How To Feel Better About Your Body: Ask Your Husband. | Being Pregnant Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 9:11 am

    [...] Read the whole post at Shape of a Mother. [...]

  15. Nikki Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Wow, my post made itself on to another blog, that’s awesome!! and I appreciate everyones’ comments! I hope we all get to a point where the discussion of our bodies is more positive and meaningful. The human body is amazing inside and out, let’s never forget that aspect.

    Thanks again, you are all special.

  16. Laura Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    I love this post,

    It’s very true, my partner, although he isn’t the father of my 2 year old, and didn’t even know me until October 2010, He loves me just the way I am, I’m constantly yoyo dieting, constantly scrutinising my body and wanting to have the washboard,stretchmark free stomach I had before my pregnancy, He just tells me that I’m being silly, that I am beautiful and sexy and don’t need to change anything at all, says I’m no where near fat.

    It would be nice if all men were like him, and all men thought women are beautiful as they are-stretch marks and all.

    Cos while we got pregnant and carried a huge weight around with us for 9 months, went through hours (some women even days) of hell while bringing our little darlings into the world, Suffering endless nights of lost sleep, ect ect, The men were sat on their arses doing sod all, All while we were giving life.

  17. Anna V Ilkka Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    I love this site. Thank you so much. I have a slightly different problem in that people think I am different or good looking enough to take time out of their busy lives to tear me down. Most recently a twelve year old boy, shocked, I suppose that someone my age looks good and is a mommy (mommy’s don’t tend to age well in WI). So, I need all the help I can get. No one sees the girl in the thick glasses except for me and my husband and my baby, and, I’ve endured these attacks my entire life.

  18. danielle m Says:
    March 12th, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    love this! so true. i just gave birth to my beautiful baby girl one month ago, and needed a little pick me up confidence boost. thank you for your words!

  19. Weekly Wrap – Up « throughitallbreathe Says:
    March 12th, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    [...] Speaking of being beautiful, The Shape Of A Mother always has great posts but this one was just really good. Believing my husbands words [...]

  20. Anon Says:
    March 21st, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Thank you so much Nikki. I really needed to read this. I’ve been unhappy with my body before and after I had my son. I never got to enjoy my body Pre pregnancy when I had few stretch marks and no cellulite. My body is covered with stretch cellulite, and 50lbs of excess weight. But you know what. I’m with a man who I didn’t have my child with who loves me and my body. I dreaded being intimate with him because of how I look with my clothes off. But after reading your post, I am going to be confident about being intimate with him lights on, because I deserve and so do you all. Lets stop believing the lies we are feed every day by the media and focus on being great mothers and lovers to our husbands and boyfriends. As long as our thing is kicking in bed and feel how much we love them, that’s all that matters.

  21. Nichole Says:
    March 23rd, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Wow, this brought tears to my eyes! Amazing!

  22. Vanessa Says:
    November 6th, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Although it seems an obvious perspective its an amazing one. The truth in your words shows self-confidence stemming from a healthy and proper way of thinking. I’m only now realizing this myself and what you have written helped to put my thoughts and feelings plainly. Thank you so much for your words. I have found that women further from the media-type body are the sweetest and most humble women that post. Everyone has the right to determine what is important to them. Its just sad when women who closely resemble the “model” type body still complain. Its obvious that their outer appearance is where they have placed their worth. They will forever be susceptible to “losing” their sense of worth.

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