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Battling Myself Over Surgery (Anonymous)

June 25, 2009

I am a 30 yr old mother of 3, ages 10, 7 and 8 months. I have always been self-conscious about my body but now more then ever. I am coming to terms with my mommy body however I have never been happy with my breast. I have always been almost a “b” cup but since my third child my breast are barely existent and hang low and flat. I am contemplating surgery because I think it will help me feel better about myself. I have always felt less of a woman for my lack of breast but especially now. I hate being in a room with women because i feel ashamed and like a child. Im battling myself though because I dont want to be a weak person and resort to extreme measures, it seems so vain. I wish I could be confident with my body but it has been 30 years and I just cant. I have suffered from depression nearly all my life and my self image as contributed to it. I wish I was stronger but Im just not, am I wrong for wanting surgery? What kind of message am I sending my daughter? Is it worse for her to see me miserable with my body and embarrassed or to see me modify myself? I dont want large breast, I just want to look normal and feel beautiful.

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13 Responses to “Battling Myself Over Surgery (Anonymous)”

  1. Liz Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 9:29 am

    I know exactly how you feel…

  2. Andrea Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 9:32 am

    I had the same issue but I have always been pretty flat so last year I decided to go ahead and do it and I would have to say it’s one of the best things I’ve done for myself I feel a lot better about the way I look. I don’t think it’s vein I didn’t do it for anyone else I’m married with two girls I did it so when I look in the mirror I can be happy with what I see.

  3. Lorena Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 11:18 am

    I think you should do what makes you feel great! There is nothing wrong with feeling a little insecure with your body because everyone does. No one is prefect. I don’t think it’s vain. There are a lot of doctors who can make your breasts look classy and natural. If you feel that surgery probably isn’t what is going to help your body image issues, maybe you should consider seeing a therapist.

  4. Catherine S Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    No, there is nothing wrong with wanting larger breasts and wanting to feel beautiful. I have always had a sizable chest and have found myself envying smaller chested women who could wear the cute lacy bras that had ribbons for straps. Instead, I am more of a boulder holder kind of girl:)

    If I were in your position, I would just make sure that I didn’t fall into the trap of thinking that just having larger breasts would make me happy. For a long time I thought “if only I had smaller thighs I would like myself more” until finally I realized that accepting my body did way more for my self image than changing my body. I am not AT ALL opposed to making changes, just think it is wise to consider the reasons for wanting to make those changes. What ever decision you make, good luck and I hope you come to love your body.

  5. J Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    I know that people choose elective surgery for a lot of different reasons that I might not understand, but I think that working on self-acceptance would be so much more valuable. We’ve all gotten to the point when we just think these big, invasive surgeries are no big deal, but breast augmentation and other cosmetic surgeries are not without risk. There are articles today on Huffington Post and Our Bodies, Ourselves about informed consent and breast implants.

    I don’t feel like implants are a question of weakness at all, but they are an extreme measure… and an expensive one. I come back to SOAM over and over because it reminds me that I *am* normal. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you don’t feel beautiful now, why would you feel beautiful after surgically altering your breasts? The only reason I ask is because I spent so many years of my life with the “perfect” body and still never felt beautiful. When I look back at pictures, I cannot believe that I thought I was fat and unusual and different from everyone else. It wasn’t my body that was problematic—it was my attitude and the beliefs about women’s bodies that I had inherited and absorbed.

    I hate to sound cliché, but I’m sure you are beautiful just the way you are.

  6. Claire Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    Dear, Beautiful-as-you-are Anon,

    I’m sorry you are feeling less than. You are absolutely not. While I appreciate the “do what makes you feel good” posts and attitude about surgery because it’s all done in a positive vein and that’s in and of itself supportive, I am concerned. I don’t want to say anything that will make people feel bad about their decisions because that is SO not the intent here and there are certainly cases IMO where body-modification surgeries are helpful for a variety of reasons BUT (the big Butt, heh) because you tell us that you have been suffering from depression for your whole life I would really want to make sure that you have done ALL you can do to address that internally before you reach out for something rather radical as surgery. Personally, I would want to know what exactly is the problem causing the depression (or problems, as the case may be). There are so many possible causes and I don’t know you at all and you only mention that your self image has contributed to it but I’m guessing there is more there. Please consider delving in to root issues there or you may find yourself with new boobs and the same old depression. What if it was as simple as an allergy to grain or something for instance? – don’t scoff, it’s very common, or something more awful that will just lurk there and then you might feel worse having done this later? I just would hate to see you hold your hopes on surgery and then be disappointed in yourself when it doesn’t *fix* you. You mention that you feel “ashamed and like a child” in a room with other women. I would like to gently suggest that you look at these feelings more closely before taking a big step like surgery because that is a powerful statement that has (IMO) undercurrents or possible clues to some sort of childhood issues that went in deep and hurt you. Maybe I’m way off base and if so, please forgive me but I wouldn’t feel right not putting this out for you to at least consider.

    I am sending you positive love and energy.
    You ARE BEAUTIFUL and WOMANLY – you have birthed three beautiful perfect children. THAT is a beautiful woman by any standard that counts in my book.

    Thank you for sharing your concerns here as all the different opinions and hopes/fears/uncertainty helps others to not feel alone. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make and lasting love for your self. That is what will help you raise confident children.

  7. Anonymous(see postpartum 21 and 26 years) Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 4:55 pm

    I have the opposite problem – was a 32D when young and a 34D after having kids. But now I am so big and I still hate being this size. Did when I was young and do now. I hate the comments people make not being able to buy clothes. I have considered surgery but am scared. So I understand from the other end of the spectrum – but would it make you happy or is it something deeper. I would love tiny breasts – I don’t feel feminine with mine – but think small ones are feminine. Think carefully before you make a decision and make it for the right reasons. Good luck.

  8. Beth Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    Don’t beat yourself up! If you have been unhappy with your breasts your whole life, go for it! It can only help you feel better about yourself and if you feel good about yourself everyone around you will benefit from that!

  9. H Says:
    June 26th, 2009 at 2:51 am

    Hi. I’ve posted something on here about breast surgery. It’s not on yet, but take a look when it comes on. I wanted mine making bigger. Plastic surgeons can take advantage if you go to the wrong one, so be careful :) Good luck, whatever you decide to do

  10. lorien Says:
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:15 am

    I am all for doing what makes you feel better about your body–BUT…I would urge you strongly to think hard about whether it will really make you feel better. I have always been thrilled with my B cups. They’re a bit saggy but no more so than before I used them to nourish the most amazing person on the planet. But I understand how frustrating it can be to have saggy breasts.

    Also, it is a surgery and all surgeries come with inherent risks–infection, etc, can make a difficult situation infinitely worse.

    Just some thoughts–I am sure you are gorgeous just the way you are.

  11. Christina Says:
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:31 am

    I feel your discontent. I am a 36 D, but I’ve had five kids and nursed them all and I’m 35 years old and often feel “unlovingly” toward my breasts. I have two daughters and three sons. MANY of my friends have augmented breasts and have had other elective surgeries. Recently, after a good friend dropped 20K on breasts and tummy I was feeling some pretty hefty self hatred. I had nearly convinced my husband that my breasts were ugly (thank God guys forget easily!) Anyway, I had to go back to the old “real breasts” search on the internet and once again realized that just because mine aren’t tucked under my chin, flatten out completely when i lay down, hang when i’m on my side, look like utters when I’m on all fours, etc, “normal” comes in so many varieties. That’s truly what makes us great. Here are a few of my thoughts when dealing with this issue myself. Biggest one: what am I telling my daughters, that they are truly defined by their breasts or their bodies? or my sons, that they should truly look at who a woman is rather than what she looks like. I take very good care of myself, I should be proud that I look the way i do because of that, not because I payed some guy to “recreate” me. Second: ALL the things that money could be better spent on…sorry kids, mommy had to get new boobs. Third: the what ifs….would it be worth it if something went wrong. Fourth: we all grow old….might I spend more time enjoying life than belaboring over my looks? Two more things for you, my girlfriend that recently had the work done?… Her marriage is worse now than it was b4, yes, she likes how she looks, but it seems she is even more depressed. I think when you are looking to cheer yourself up by altering your appearance you may be looking at a steep fall. Her daughter looked at her in the bathroom the other day and, looking down at her own chubby little tummy (her daughter is 7) said, “mommy, maybe you could take me to your doctor and he could cut off my fat too.” That was enough for me to give it up. Whatever you decide, good luck, I know we all have a hard go at it. One last thought, I do not look at magazines and I don’t watch television. It helps me to view real women in real life instead of all the “fakes”.

  12. Tania Says:
    June 27th, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    Although I am scared of surgeries, I have seen the wonders plastic surgery has done to the self-esteem of many of my friends.

    I say, if you can afford it, GO FOR IT!!!

    However, you did mention that you have struggled with depression and sel-esteem issues ALL your life. Which makes me think the issue may be rooted way deeper that jsut having small breasts. So be certain that enhancing the size of your breasts will NOT cure the emptiness inside.

    Seek inside, deal with that issue FIRST, and then go ahead and get those implants!

    Receive the happiness that only you can give yourself.

    =)

    -T

  13. Shawna Says:
    June 30th, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    You and I sound alot alike, I struggle with the issues I have with my deflated breasts.

    Ask yourself if you get a breast lift will you be happier down the road? When I look down at my breasts I feel despair several times a day, sometimes it’s all I can think about. If you get a breast lift will it make you happier which could result in a more fulfilling life in every aspect with you as an individual and with your child.

    It it makes you happy then go for it. If you are happy then it will exude onto others.

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