ten months post body
65-kg before pregnancy
95 peak pregnancy
75-kg to date,
i use to dance professionally in burlesque and cabaret-bars , having my whole job revolve around my body and my own sense of sexuality i was always great shape , having to keep toned by having a active and a healthy life style.
when deciding to have a family i had no idea what the consequences were to be upon my body , i had the idea to keep working afterward ( of course with a healthy time of to share with my baby) but i find my self with a incurably saggy belle and a thousand strong deep stretch marks , i will always have to wear a corset now if i decide to go back to work,, during my pregnancy i ate all hearted !! i ate lamb shanks , mash potato , i though to my self i am growing a baby i may as well give her all the food she needs !! or was that food for me ?? during my dancing i had to watch what i ate, it was plenty of small frequent low carb nutritious-meals , to keep my figure , so needed in the high class of exotic dancing,, i had a lot of water retention and the blue marks appeared-around week 34 and at my peak of pregnancy i had put on a whopping 30-kg but gosh those cup cakes never tasted so good !!! best yr. of my life !!!
i have lost the weight but now i am left with the saggy left over skin.
sometimes i wonder weather the skin stretched so much because i put on so much weight and it was all my own fault, but then i have two friends that were tiny ( like myself) before falling pregnant and have bellies-like my own ( very saggy and wrinkly , so i think its a mix of heritor ( my mother had the same thing ) weight gain , and skin elastic ,my daughter was two weeks over due and i was huge … my skin stretched to impossible lengths it was like i was carrying twins , ( see pic below in labour )
so i find my self kinda in a state of shock , my body has changed so quickly in just one and a half yrs. , been put through so much strain, ( created the most amazing thing in return ) but sometimes i feels hard letting go of my own body image and excepting the change .
it some times does not feel like my body, i am uncomfortable in my sexuality for the first time in my life , and find my self not wanting to share my self with my lover , i feel ashamed with the change , i am trying to love and except ,, but its not easy …
my breasts are much fuller and saggy now , i personally feel quite at peace with them in my own private life , but the thought of returning to work now and showing my breast sounds terrifying to me,, but my belli is a different matter , i am so disgusted by it i cannot even look at it ,i always am having to wear a corset , to be honest i think i just may never dance again ,, which honestly is devastating ,,, i love what i do and love bringing joy and humor to people through my shows ,, my savings were extremely healthy and i always had strong work ethics and was am proud of what it do ,i was never ready to give up dancing,, i feel like my successful business was taken away from me .
if i was GIVEN 20 thousand dollars for a breast enhancement and tummy tuck would i do it ?? YES
would i pay 20 thousand from my OWN savings for the operations ,,, NO
my hard earn money would go to my family , not myself . but god i would love to win the lotto !!!
in retrospect if i had of know back then of what i do now of my change in body i would never want it any other way ,, the joy of mother hood far out ways the way i am feeling about my body ,, one strechmark for every smiles from my baby girl ,, now that a good exchange :) , i am trying to move on and heal through this , thats why i want to say a big thank-you to all you other moms who have shared there story, you are all apart of my healing .
i am struggling to keep positive
Second entry here.