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Aussie Mum of One! (Anonymous)

November 18, 2010

Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1 abortion
Births: 1 beautiful boy
Postpartum: 22 months

Growing up, I was always a tiny build. People always assumed I had an eating disorder because I was so little but I guess I was just lucky, I could eat anything I wanted and my body couldn’t seem to store it. When I was 18, I was in a serious relationship with a guy who at the time I thought was wonderful. We moved in together and shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant. He didn’t want to be a father and I was young and scared and ended up letting him talk me into having an abortion. I ended up pretty depressed afterwards and I ended up putting on about 20kg. I broke up with him when I was 20 and felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I lost about 12kg and for the first time in my life I actually liked my body. I had nice curves, I finally had decent boobs!

Then in April 2008 I had a brief fling with someone I fell head over heels for and that resulted in pregnancy. I had made my mind up that I would continue the pregnancy because there was no way I was putting myself through another abortion. After speaking to the father and spending about 2 weeks crying my eyes out while he begged and pleaded with me to terminate, I told him my decision isn’t going to change so deal with it. He didn’t like the decision and to this day he still has had nothing to do with me or my son. I spent the first half of my pregnancy with my head in the toilet bowl (whoever called it ‘morning sickness’ was clearly wrong because I had it 24/7!!). As a result of not being able to eat or drink anything without it coming back up, I ended up losing about 5-6kg. By the end of my pregnancy, I had put that weight back on, plus an extra 13kg! I loved my pregnant body, I was pretty lucky that my growing belly seemed to be the only weight I put on.

Christmas eve 2008 started with me going into labour. 13 hours of me walking around and around and around (I wasn’t dilating quick enough) and the doctors were able to break my waters. 5 hours later my beautiful son arrived into the world just after midnight on christmas morning weighing a nice 6lb 13oz.
Within a few months I somehow got back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But then postnatal depression reared its ugly head and I’ve now put about 10kg on and i completely hate the way I look. My legs feel like tree trunks, my belly wobbles, my boobs sag, I now have love handles.. I can’t stand the way I look. Everyone tells me I look fine the way I am but they don’t see whats under the clothes. They don’t see what I see in the mirror. My self confidence is completely shattered by how I see myself, not to mention that I am a single mum and no guy is ever going to want to take me on when I have a child. I already know that no one will want me, as soon as a man hears I’m a mother they run a mile.

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13 Responses to “Aussie Mum of One! (Anonymous)”

  1. Michelle Says:
    November 18th, 2010 at 7:35 am

    You DO look great. I don’t see a single stretch mark on you, whereas many other women who have had a continuous fluctuating weight have hundreds of little stretch marks all over their bodies. I admire you for having the courage to continue with the pregnancy alone; not everyone could do something like that.
    I wish you could see what the rest of the world sees when you look at your body. It is a beautiful and magical instrument that created and nourished a brand new human being for nine whole months. You are truly beautiful, and I hope you come to realize this some day.

  2. Carol Says:
    November 18th, 2010 at 8:28 am

    You look great! If I looked like you, I would be very happy. I had my first son when I was 19 and felt the same way-that I would never find anyone to love me. I had dates and of course was told by one he didn’t want a “ready made” family. I finally gave up and figured I was destined to be alone. That all changed when I met my future husband. We met before he left the military and stayed in touch. It was awesome to get to know him through email and phone and get to the know the real him without any pressures. I never would have thought that we’d be together. I just thought that he was a good friend. He proposed and we have been married almost 7 1/2 years. My son’s father was never in his life and denied he was even the father. Three years ago we went to court and had his rights terminated and my husband adopted him. So, please don’t give up. There are men out there who will and can love you and love your child.

  3. Elena Says:
    November 18th, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Nice pics! So Christmas 2008 was a very very happy moment.

  4. Tiphanie Says:
    November 18th, 2010 at 9:54 am

    As much as it may feel that way,, there ARE great men out there, some who would be a good husband and great father. Just work on loving yourself and continue to put your son and your heart first and it will happen. You have lovely skin and wonderful breasts! A lot of men love the womanly shape,, anyone who doesn’t want you for you anyways, not worth your time!!!! Best wishes and a early Happy Birthday to your son!

  5. naturalgirl Says:
    November 18th, 2010 at 10:32 am

    you.look.amazing. i’m telling you because it’s teue. months of dermarolling and my skin is no where near as clear and lovely as yours! congrats on your little one!

  6. isla's mommy Says:
    November 18th, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Great boobs and bum!! Just sayin’!

  7. Astrid Says:
    November 19th, 2010 at 11:57 am

    the problem is not your looks! You are hot! The problem is in your head… you need to start that long road back to selfesteem and loving yourself, and that is much easier said than done but I know you can do it – your son is a great motivation! Loving ourselfs is one of the best things we can do for our children. Start taking small steps – find things you like to do that you can work into your daily routine… working out of some sort.. maybe find some other single moms you can interact with. I was in the same situation you are… well, not exactly, the father of my son was present in the sense that he would call me up or show up at my house to treathen me – I sometimes wished for him to be totally absent from our lifes, thought it would be better… but anyway, I was a single mom with no confidence but of course in the end I found love.. we all do. Yeah, there are a lot of jerks out there but there are a lot of wonderful men also! You’ll see.. God luck wish I could give you a hug. You are so beautiful

  8. jaxx Says:
    November 19th, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    I’ve got to tell you, the idea that no man could ever want you is rubbish. I think you look fantastic! As a man, and an artist, I want to tell you that your body is beautiful. Any man who would turn you down because you’re a mother is not a man, he’s still a boy. Don’t get down on yourself, be proud of your body, you’re gorgeous!

  9. Amanda Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Love yourself because it is important to show your child the meaning of positive self-esteem! It may take a long while and very small steps to be self-confident and love yourself unconditionally, but it is important and you can do it!

  10. Maggie Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    I can empathize completely. So much of the grief after losing a child to an abortion is suppressed and it eventually comes out in other ways – in anxiety, depression, in the way we relate to men. It takes more than just “deciding” to love yourself and think you look hot to move through and heal from deep wounds such as this, and to grieve the loss of your first little one. The Eliot Insitute – afterabortion.org – is a wonderful resource, as is Rachels’ Vineyard. The retreat organized by RV made such a profound impression on me. You are beautiful, and I will pray for you!

  11. eric Says:
    November 22nd, 2010 at 8:40 am

    you look great :] seriously, don’t be too harsh with your criticisms. and while having a child does limit your choice of men in life, it doesn’t drop you out of the race altogether. i am a college student working on my master’s currently and there is no doubt that if i found someone i truly loved, it wouldnt matter if they had a child or not. confidence is key :] good luck

  12. Sarah P. Says:
    November 26th, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    You have SUCH cute breasts and such a cute little bum! I’m really jealous! I do have one piece of advice: stop telling yourself this lie that you will never be good enough for a man because you’re a mother. That’s not true at all!!! In fact, you’re lucky that you’re a mom because now you know which guys would run the second you got pregnant and which guys would stay with you when you wanted to start a family and be a wife! Your child is a total blessing. You will see that the second you meet that guy who falls in love with you BECAUSE you are such a good and devoted and loving mother and you’ll see that when he runs TOWARD you and not away from you.

  13. L Says:
    February 12th, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    You will find someone special who will love u and baby. Also don’t worry about how your body looks cut yourself some slack you have been trough a whirlwind the past few yrs. U don’t have stretchies so thats nice you look wonderful!!! Be happy in your skin.

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