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Any confidence I had (which was minimal) is GONE! (Anonymous)

June 17, 2010

I have always had insecurities about my body, which eventually led to an eating disorder. I got down to almost 85 lbs (I am 5′ 3″). Fortunately, I was able to stop. I slowly gained weight back, and wasn’t exactly happy, but I dealt with it and had the support of my husband. Then, I got pregnant. I knew I would gain weight but never realized the toll that pregnancy would have on my body. I gained about 50 lbs and had to have a c-section due to arrested dilation. My baby was put under the bili-lights for the first week of life and therefore could not breastfeed. She got too used to the bottle and I have ended up bottle-feeding her. So, I was stuck with this extra weight to lose without the aid of breastfeeding. So, here I am now, 3 months postpartum, with saggy breasts, HORRIBLE stretch marks, and so much extra weight it is not even funny. I am only 21 but am already past my prime. It’s a really sad realization and I am trying to accept it. I’m having trouble with the eating disorder now too. I feel so out of control. And my husband is gone due to the military. It’s hard. But my baby girl is the light of my life now. Pray for me please :)

P.S. The last picture is of me before I got pregnant, just in case you couldn’t tell the difference ;D

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 1 live birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 months postpartum

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17 Responses to “Any confidence I had (which was minimal) is GONE! (Anonymous)”

  1. Suzanne Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 7:08 am

    I think your stretch marks are gorgeous!! the ones on your hips are like mine were before they faded, the hip ones look lovely when they fade.. but that’s just my opinion, i think ‘scars’ are beautiful, my fiance has loads of stretch marks all over his stomach and arms from growth spurts and they are my favourite parts of him :) You should learn to love them! stretch marks are all so unique and different, i find them beautiful :) and your boobs are like mine too, saggy? no i don’t think so! Your gorgeous, give yourself a break! :D

  2. Kate Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 8:27 am

    I’m praying for you, sweetie.

  3. Colleen Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 11:55 am

    A couple of things. (1) if I saw you on the street, no part of my mind would think “wow she needs to lose a few pounds”. So you might be heavier than you used to be, but you must have been underweight because you look like a healthy weight now. Plus, you don’t have a cesarean scar “shelf” like some women get–count yourself lucky there!

    (2) If your breasts are saggy, I don’t even know what to consider mine, lol. Your nipples still point upward, and in my mind, that means they’re not saggy. Only fake boobs stay up where they’re placed. Any natural breast–no matter what size–is going to lay on your chest underneath it. Mine are halfway to my belly button and I love them all the same.

    (3) About being past your prime…my mom had 3 kids by the time she was 30, and I’m given to understand she gained WAY more weight than she was supposed to. After being overweight my entire childhood, when I was in high school she finally got serious about it and dropped a lot of weight. Five years ago when my sister got married in the Caribbean, my mom rocked a bikini (at age 51, faded stretch marks and all)–and I think she looked awesome. Your prime is whenever you want it to be. You may not look like a teenager anymore but who wants to, honestly? Teenagers aren’t all that sexy, and you are!

    Finally, you’re only 3 months post partum. It took 9 months to put the weight on, give yourself 9 months to take it off before you get so hard on yourself. You look great, I promise!

  4. dre Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    ill trade you boobs, at least you have some…mine left after having my baby! lol

  5. Kelly Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Your body just did an amazing thing – it nutured and grew your beautiful daughter. And its only been 3 months. At least give yourself a year. I promise you by the end of the year your stretch marks will have faded alot and your body will go back to how it was. It may not ever be exactly the same, but your a mom now, no one in the world who actually matters will judge you becasue you don’t look the same as how you use to.
    I know it may be hard not to fall into old habbits but try to stay healthy. You need to eat to have the energy to to care of your daughter.
    And im sorry your hubby is gone, its hard with out suport but you can do it.
    Im a single mom of a 10 month old and I know its hard to do by yourself but you can. Just focus on the baby and your body will bounce back on its own….
    Good luck :)

  6. Joanna Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Hey you look great. You are only 3 months pp that’s so little time to recover. They say 9 months to gain and 9 months to lose the weight (and you don’t really have anything to lose!. My husband was away also and it is so very hard to raise a baby alone – I had no family in my country either so I do feel for yo

    If you feel you’d like to tone then get baby out in the pram and walk lots – that’s what I did. It’s just healthy all round.I too couldn’t breastfeed as I didn’t make milk. Your breasts are super pert and not in the least saggy. You are way too hard on yourself!

    I am 40 so I didn’t have youth on my side. You do – enjoy :)

  7. Shannon Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was tiny before I had my boys. I still hated my body though. I got pregnant with my first at 19. I gained 50+ pounds and had to have a cesarean. I got pregnant with my second at 23 and gained a little less (only bc I started out weighing more), and had another cesarean. Trust me…love your body now!!! You have no overhang…and you look GREAT, only 3 months pp!! Your stretchmarks will fade, and they are not as bad as you think. You can find my under “child loss” (sad to say)…my name is Shannon. I hope you learn to love your body, bc I know what it is like. I hate mine as well. I love what it did and what it gave me, but I hate it…

  8. Kristen Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    You look fantastic. But I understand where you’re coming from because I felt exactly like you did a year and a half ago. I came on here to find hope, and looking at your body, you are going to be just fine! You look amazing for three months after.

    I’m also 5’3 and gained 60 lbs during pregnancy. I had a c-section for the same reason, and did not breast feed because it didn’t work out. I was so depressed, I’m in my thirties and thought I was past my prime and that I’d never love my body again. A year later, all 60 lbs were gone. The stretch marks fade. I took all the weight off the old fashioned way – healthy diet and exercise (I did it at night and jogged with the stroller), and I love my both my accommplisment and my body. There is a bit of a pooch above the scar, but otherwise, it is a better body than I had before. If it is important to you, you will find a way to do it, and in a way that is healthy. You have to keep up your strength for your little one now! Try not to be so hard on yourself — you went through something pretty physically incredible, and there is no substitute for time. Enjoy your little one and have faith in yourself!

  9. britt Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:07 am

    take more picture at 6 months then 9 months and you’ll get to compare now and then. it will blow you away how different you look! time strengthens and heals. it took me about 6 months to even lose the weight, let alone come to terms with my crazy stretch marks. plus, your boobs actually don’t sag! i nursed for a year so goodbye perky, hello sagging to the floor:( oh well …

  10. ren Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:28 am

    Reading your post I expected to see something far worse!! I can’t talk, as I’m wrecked with insecurities also. I would like to say though that your breasts are great, so perky!! I’d swap them for mine!! Imgaine 34e breasts post-pregnancy! Saggy!! Yours are perfect. Regarding your eating disorder, I have no idea what you are going through and I don’t even attempt to, but you need to get help with it and combat it for your little girls sake. Children pick up on things so young, again I can’t talk about feeling confident about my body, but it will pass on to them. I think you look great, it’s just sad that you can’t see that. I wish you and your family all the look in the future. :-)

  11. Ashley Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:30 am

    I gained 60lbs and had to have an emergency c-section. It took me 6 months to lose the weight and a year to really look good/normal again and that was WITH breastfeeding. You’re only 3 months postpartum, you’ll lose it eventually with HEALTHY eating and exercise. And the stretchmarks will fade a lot more than you think they will :)

  12. Sarah Says:
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    you look incredible girl, and you are oly 3months post partum so you will only get better!

  13. Judith Says:
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    As a mum with grown up children I’ve been there too. I never had stretchmarks and still don’t so don’t know how I would feel, but I’ve seen them on others and know they fade to a barely there line. Even teenagers get them with growth spurts. Your figure is lovely – soft and rounded but very shapely and you have a waist (many of us never get that back) – and I envy you your breasts – look at yourself through our eyes and try and see what we see, a real woman, curvy, not a bag of bones but not too fleshy either. Maybe have a chat with your doctor – you might be a bit depressed. What is great for making you feel good is exercise. Take your little one and push that pram at a good pace and walk every day if you can. It will help tone you up and make you feel better. Try and write out a food sheet so you know what you are going to make for meals each day – healthy and nutricious and try and stick to it but don’t deny yourself the odd treat. You could take your baby swimming – you won’t get the exercise but you would both enjoy the water. Maybe you have a friend who could go with you so you could swim a bit too. If you have good friends you can talk to – tell them your anxieties and let them support you. Perhaps meet up once a week for coffee with the babies. There is lots you can do but you have to put your mind to it and make yourself do it. Good luck.

  14. Jesse Says:
    November 18th, 2010 at 9:19 am

    You Look Great! Just like me… after my first. I’m on baby number 3 now. Your stretchmarks will fade… You shouldn’t worry so much… your baby is probably thinking that you’re the most BEAUTIFUL Mama on the whole planet!

  15. Robyn Says:
    January 27th, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    Youre beautiful. I know they feel very dark and threatening now, but the stretchmarks will fade, and one day youll notice and say ” oh!, wow!” like i did :)

  16. Ana Says:
    April 15th, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    You look pretty good. No one will be able to see the scar because it’s so low and the stretch marks will fade. I had a ton and although they look silvery under direct light, they are not dark purple anymore (I have olive skin). If you are still trying to lose weight, I would try binding your stomach. I did because I was afraid my stomach would sag as my weight dropped. It just keeps everything together and gives you support until your muscles come back together. I am Hispanic and it seems a lot of Hispanic women do the same. My mom got it for me immediately after giving birth. Also, don’t skip meals and try to eat lean meats and vegetables with every meal. Take long walks with the stroller.

  17. Christi Says:
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:21 am

    The first thing I thought when I saw your pictures was, “Wow, her stretch marks are so beautiful!” You have a flat stomach already!!! And you have perky boobs. As for being past your prime, you are IN your prime! You’re beautiful, Mommy!

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