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All my childhood I wanted to do nothing more than to be a Mom. I dreamed about pregnancy and childbirth. At career day, I didn’t want a career other than to be a Mother.

Before becoming a Mother, people always commented about how tiny I was, how thin I was. Now, 4 pregnancies and 2 live children later, I don’t have the figure I once did. The hardest part has been the reaction on people’s faces when they haven’t seen me for a long time. I am no longer 115 pounds, but 150. The look of disgust has been so hard for me to swallow. I’ll never forget the “old high school friends” I visited when my last child was 5 months old. That was the worst I have ever felt about my self-image. It wasn’t what they said, it was what they didn’t way. That short hour ruined the rest of my vacation. Never again will I give someone the power to make me feel embarassed or ashamed of my body. I have experienced loss and heartbreak. The marks on body are the remaining memories of the babies that didn’t make it and the reminder for the love I have for the 2 that did. I am thankful for the opportunity to house my children safely in my body. Some people want the chance, but don’t get it. I however, am one of the lucky ones. Every stretch mark, every pound gained is a reminder that I have the family I always dreamed of.

in Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions

13 comments… add one

  • Rachel Whetzel Wednesday, January 24, 2007, 8:57 am

    I love your story.

  • Catherine Wednesday, January 24, 2007, 10:45 am

    Your story is touching and sad as it makes me realise hwo uncaring people can be, this site makes me feel strong and beautiful – keep visiting and you will feel less alone and stronger every day.
    One day I’ll even post a photo ;-)

  • BirthJunkie Wednesday, January 24, 2007, 9:20 pm

    Thank you for sharing and caring!

  • Tamika Friday, January 26, 2007, 12:49 pm

    What a touching story. I really enjoyed reading that. I am now pregnant with my first child after 7 years of trying. Right now, my only focus is that I will have a healthy child. Later, after the birth of my baby, it may hit me that I have lost my waistline and figure. If that feeling ever sets in, I will certainly have this story to remember, and I can take pride in having lost my figure for the sake of “housing this child safely in my body”. This was definitely a life-changing read.

  • mitzibel Sunday, January 28, 2007, 8:12 am

    “I will never again give someone the power. . .”

    Right on. That one sentence is more beautiful than all the flat bellies and svelte hips in the world.

  • Leghai Monday, January 29, 2007, 12:23 pm

    And once again I feel so connected with another woman and her story. Thank you for sharing, both picture and your feelings.

  • stephanie Monday, January 29, 2007, 7:47 pm

    i also started out small being only 100 pounds driping wet before my 2 beautiful girls and now i am just getting down to almost 130 lbs. but its not the weight that gets me its the trying on clothes that gets me no matter what size they are it never fits…either too big in waste or to tight in but an thighs… its like they dont think women have any curves. but after your comment about ” the opportunity to house my children safely in my body” it makes me feel proud that i was able to gain those curves while doing such an amazing thing.i now consider showing the not-so-rock hard and stretch mark covered belly and thighs the sun this summer rather than hiding behind a wrap and full piece bathing suit and showing it proud!

  • sonrie Wednesday, August 6, 2008, 9:25 am

    seriously, we don’t stay in high school (or look like it, for that matter) forever. Why is it so hard for some to accept that. Stay strong, congratulations to you for your children.

  • Carie Friday, August 15, 2008, 12:11 am

    Your story was so moving. Even if you gained a few pounds, you also gained a few kids, and that’s more beautiful than a “perfect” body. Be strong and be proud, and I hope you get the chance of having more children. Good luck.

  • kasondra Monday, September 15, 2008, 5:17 pm

    i know EXACTLY how you feel about people looking at you differently for not being the tiny you that you used to be, i gained over 100 pounds with my son so the changes were intense…but i still wouldnt change having him for anything in the world…and YOU LOOK GREAT those people dont know what they are talking about.

    congratulations are you wonderful creation!!

  • Regina Friday, October 31, 2008, 8:54 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is SO much like mine! I have always wanted a houseful of children. I married the man of my dreams but he only wanted one. So, one we have. During high school I weighed only 98 pounds but am at 155 now. Everyone always talked about how cute and petite I was. (I’m barely 5’1″) I dread going home to visit my parents for fear of running into people I went to school with. I should, however, learn to think like you do. Every pound, stretch mark and sag is a reminder of the precious little girl I now have. Thank you so much for sharing!

  • cynthia Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 8:02 pm

    Your story is so heartfelt and touching and one that i can 100% relate to…

  • Melissa Thursday, March 12, 2009, 6:26 pm

    SO well written, and so moving! they may as well be my words almost to a T. You are strong, and Mama, I applaud you.

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