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Almost 2 ½ years later and still unhappy (Anonymous)

February 2, 2010

I got pregnant at the age of eighteen and gave birth by nineteen, I am now twenty one. My beautiful baby girl is two and three months old. I love my baby girl but I hate my body. I’ve always had problems with my weight, one minute I would be overweight and the next I would be under weight. Just before I got pregnant I was bouncing between 107 lbs to about 118 lbs and 5’1 tall. Those were good days for me. By the time I reached full term in my pregnancy I weighed 162 lbs. I figured it would be no problem to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Eight months later I was at 125 lbs and looking good, but then I started working full time and I am a single mother and by the time I got home from work every day, I just didn’t have the energy to work out. And to make matters worse, I work at a desk all day so the physical activity is limited.

Before I knew it, I was back up to 146 lbs and all of my toning was gone. I know it’s not good to obsess about how you look but I’ve always been self conscious and it’s more than just how I look to me, It’s how I feel. I feel drained and depressed most of the time and most days now, I can’t seem to will myself out of bed in the morning. I’m missing days of work and missing out on life.

I’m trying my hardest to cope with the way I feel but it’s hard. Most of my friends that have had children all seemed to go back to normal after so I can’t talk to them about it. The funny thing is, is that I really want to get fit and start enjoying life but the depression is holding me back. Most of the time I just want to hide under a blanket and drink coffee all day.

The thing I hate most about my body is definitely my baby pouch. No matter what I wear it still sticks out and folds over and when I sit down it really looks bad. I feel like people are staring at it and thinking that I am gross or something. And why is it that you can never find underwear that will conceal it and make it look flat. I have tried all kinds of control underwear and all they do it push the fat upwards so you have extreme back fat (not so attractive). I don’t know maybe I’m just being crazy but this all seems very real to me.

Sometimes I really think that I should have held off on getting a job until my little girl was a little older so that I could have enjoyed our time a little more without all the added stress (my job is a legal job and not the easiest). But then I think that I did the right thing in being able to secure a future, however, it cost me my sanity and my body in the end. One day I hope to feel better and look better because I don’t want my little girl to start noticing how unhappy I am and start showing signs of the same behaviour. If things do get better for me I’ll be sure to post an update.

Thank you all for listening.

Updated here.

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42 Responses to “Almost 2 ½ years later and still unhappy (Anonymous)”

  1. M Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Okay, you don’t look as bad as you think you do. Your breast are full and your skin look healthy and smooth. Your skin is not loose and does not hang, with a little strict dieting and skin firming lotion you body will go through a transformation and you will love it again. Some women look like you and have not had any babies. Your tummy does not have noticable strech marks, it looks like they faded nicely. You should take a step back and be proud and grateful of your body, it created life. Some women get really scared up with stretchies and loose skin and there is nothing they can do to fix it no matter how much weight they loose or how much they try to tone muscle. If you stick to a 1400 – 1500 calorie diet and do some mild stomach exercises in a few months you will notice such a difference. You have a great convas to work with, its really not as bad as you may think. You look good, pregnancy did not destroy your body, you are lucky, own your body and love it.

  2. John Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 11:51 am

    I think you have a very beautiful body and should be happy with it :)

  3. bree Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    wow you dont look bad at all, you have great breast and your baby pouch is hardly that! you look very sexy.

  4. Shealene Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    I’m jealous of your boobs and your skin is gorgeous.

  5. John Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    You have a beautiful full and womanly body. You should be proud of what you have and what you have brought into this world. You are sexxy – enjoy it!!!!

  6. Alex Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Wow I think you have a great body. How wonderful to have full breasts and a lovely tummy. Beauty is more than being a size 0 it’s about loving what you have.

    Get back into exercise if you can find time as apart from the toning effect it will lift you mood and help motivate you in the rest of your life.

  7. kat Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    Seriously? You look awesome and I am sooo jealous of your boobs! I would reccommend the “Eat Clean Diet” by Tosca Reno. Being healthy is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise. It will work with your busy schedule and you can do workouts as minimal as a walk during your lunch break and push ups during commercial breaks. I hope you can find a way out of your funk. God bless!

  8. Lauren Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    You have amazing boobs! I hope you can learn to love yourself for your sake and your little girl. Take Care! :)

  9. Patty Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    I think you look great momma! I think your body looks like a REAL woman’s, you should be proud of what it went thru to deliver your lil bundle of joy :) I actually have a guy friend who might be interested too… if you’re interested click up there & email me hon!

  10. b.c. Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    You look wonderful! You have perfect breasts … if you could just see yourself as we do. If you are’nt happy with your weight I would suggest walking for sure and working out with weights if you can swing it. As far as diet goes just concentrate on eating healthfully … lots of vegies, fruit and don’t forget protein(& lots of water). The above 1400-1500 calorie thing sounds really restrictive to me. You need your energy for work, excercise and most of all taking care of yourself and your little one!

  11. Mike Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Give yourself some credit. You look great and have beautiful breasts and nipples and a sexy tummy.

  12. Judith Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    You look like a woman shold look – curvy and sensuous. You could work on your tummy – get some advice on what exercises are best – a resistance band is good and you can exercise your tummy at home. You are shapely with a great waist and your boobs are not saggy and stretched. Can you walk in your lunch break at work – a good brisk walk would make you feel good and burn calories, and tighten everything. Try looking at other women and see just how may have really fat tummies, not just a little rounded like yours. You are looking at the women who you think took better than you – look around girl, there is much, much worse out there!

  13. Nina Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    i don’t know, man, you look hot to me! any guy would want your body. your boobs are fantastic!

  14. EJBaxter Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 4:57 am

    I think you have an attractive body.
    Any one person at any one time is a biological specimen that is, as we see it at that one moment, at the end of one phase moving into the next. You were a pubescent girl that became a pregnant woman that is now there looking at yourself as a mother yet still holding yourself to the standards of a pubescent girl. And it’s probably not much help to watch tv and see celebrities pop out a baby and look better, slimmer, and younger than before they did. But those examples are not the norm. YOU are the norm in your life. Repeat that to yourself. It doesn’t negate the path towards self-betterment…it frames it in a way that makes you realize that you can’t, at the moment you think of any example to compare yourself to, -be- that example at that moment. It’s something to work toward, perhaps, but you are you and thinking less of yourself because of it leads to non-constructive self-loathing. All actions towared betterment begin with the internally held belief that you are worthy of what you want. WIthout that you will continue to stagnate to the point of sliding further and further from your goal.
    Beyond all that you should not worry about yourself but about the actual variables you’re really worried about: the quality of a prospective mate. Believe me, there are plenty of men that think your physique is IDEAL. You should be thinking about developing your mind and personality (learning, teaching your child, creating “internal value”) so that you can attract a valuable partner (if that’s what you’re really looking to find; if not, learning/socializing is still the best way to live). You have to make your life worth changing for. Developing your mind and enhancing the life of your child will lead you to a fitter body and perhaps a lover/mate/etc.

    Do not follow the “1400-1500 calorie diet” advised in another comment. That is far too little for someone that has given birth. The post-birth body is in vast depletion of many things and so you need to eat *more* and of *higher quality*. This is exactly why you’re in a metabolic slump, as are many “starvation” dieters. Learn how to eat whole foods (no packaged, canned, or processed foods) and especially no sugar or dairy. Dairy is a major joke/lie as it has almost no calcium compared to other foods like seaweeds; why else would they “fortify” milk? (Read the labels, people.) And stop drinking the coffee as it is the contributing reason, in your state of nutritional depletion, for your stagnant metabolism and *depression*.
    http://www.itmonline.com/arts/coffee.htm

  15. Will Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 5:32 am

    I think you are being too hard on yourself. You look fantastic! Beautiful! If people are staring it is probably not for the reason you think. They are likely staring in admiration.

  16. billboardz360 Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 6:54 am

    I agree with M, I think you are being way too hard on yourself. You did, in fact, bring a brand new life into this world. Now, you just need to have a plan. Do you have one? Nutrition does in fact play a role but what if you could also have 20-30 minute workouts to further accelerate your metabolism? All I would need to know is when you wanna start? I would love to help. Keep your head up…

  17. billboardz360 Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 6:58 am

    I would love to hear from you. contact me by email billboardz360@gmail.com or http://www.facebook.com/billboardzwellness360 Have a wonderful day.

  18. Christine Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    I think your body is beautiful Mama. I understand how difficult it is to fit in a workout session with working and taking care of a little one. Maybe tweaking your diet will help. As someone above suggested, whole foods make a huge difference. Adequate nutrition will help with your mood. Eliminating processed foods with additives and chemicals will make a difference. Fruits and veggies CAN be affordable when buying whatever is in season. I hope you can find some support in your life. We all need someone to lean on. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

  19. chris Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    What can I say that have not already spoken? You truly are a beautiful woman and a mom.

    Eating right is definitely a great start. (Ready? grab some broccoli and cheer… “Fruits n’ Veggies!! RAW!!! RAW!!!) (Know it was bad but hoping for a smile…)

    Now that diet is going in the right direction do not forget the inner you is also beautiful as well. Know that you are doing the best at being a single working mom. Surround yourself with people that support you and your goals. Talk to them. This forum might be a good start…

    Lastly, if you are getting out with your daughter keep doing it. If not, start going out with your daughter. My favorite places to go with our son are parks. We get some exercise while spending time together. Not a bad suggestion…

    Take. Know that you are Beautiful and Strong.

    Keep in touch.

  20. Anonymous Says:
    February 4th, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    Not to sure if I’m suppose to reply here and people will it but thank you all for the comments and the suggestions. I appreciate everything and ‘am amazed at how nice strangers can be. I was having a bit of a bad day today and decided to see if my post was up yet and reading all this completely turned my day around.

    Agian, thank you all so much.

  21. M Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 9:03 am

    EJBaxter, I would not advise someone who had just given birth to only intake 1500 calories. If you noticed the post says two and a half years later, the baby was born over two years ago. I doubt the body is still depleted after that length of time. I am 6 months postpartum and breastfeeding full time and 1500 calories is plenty for me to feel good and maintain a full milk supply. I also know of other breastfeeding mothers from this site that consume the same amount of calories and have not problem. If you do not feel like that will be sufficent for you (Almost 2 1/2 years later) then of course adjust it to meet your bodies needs. You look good but if you want to make changes you don’t have a lot of work to do since you are already in fairly good shape.

  22. Jennifer Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Your stomach looks just like mine. I’m SO jealous of your boobies! Mine used to look like that until after I had my son, now they’re horrible.

  23. F Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    We have the same boobies! See my story, it’s right after yours! : )
    I think that my belly is very similar to yours as well, and I think you look fab- great definition in your upper ab area- I hope I get that back!

    I am also a single mama, and I think our little girls are really going to look up to us for doing such a good job raising them. But you will find, I believe, a lot of peace if figure out a way to improve your body image- I am doing it not only because I want to be emotionally balanced, but because I don’t want it to affect my daughter’s body image as she matures. : )

    peace and love- F.

    ps. a gluten free diet is really really working for me as far as weight loss goes. If you are a blood type of O, it might help you as well. You might want to google it! : )And raw fruits and veggies are totally helping me, Chris above is right!

    xoxo

  24. F Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    ps. Higher waisted jeans!!! Old Navy’s Dreamer fit has a tummy control feature and they do help my muffin top stay in. haha : )

    F.

  25. Jewell Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    Anyone else disgusted by the sexxxy comments by these random dudes? The idiot billboardz360 told her to contact him — and he’s fucking married. Disgusting, how was that allowed to be posted?

  26. Bonnie (SOAM) Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    I had no idea that billboardz360 was male, but I still don’t have a problem with his posts. I feel they are more spammy than sexual and I believe that is why he often offers help. I just went back and skimmed the posts and, unless I missed something big (and if so, please point it out), I still feel this way.

  27. Anonymous Says:
    February 9th, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    Thanks again guys,

    I agree that anymore than 1500 calories a day would probably add to my problem. I took the suggestion of eating lots of fruits and veggies amd it’s actually keeping me more alert at work not munching on cookies and junk.

    Thanks for the suggestion of the old navy pants F but there isn’t an old navy where I live. I’ll have to check it out when I go to a major city like Vancouver or something. And I’ll definetly look into the blood type O thing, I wasn’t aware that that could affect weight loss.

    I can’t wait to make some improvments so I can post my update.

    Thanks for the support ladies… and gentlemen.

    Anonymous.

  28. Jewell Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    Then why not delete comments that are spam?

  29. Bonnie (SOAM) Says:
    February 11th, 2010 at 10:11 am

    Because his comments are full of positive support as well.

  30. Layla's Mommy Says:
    February 13th, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Hi. Just to start out, I think you are beautiful and I wish that my body looked more like yours than how it looks right now! My daughter is turning two in a few weeks, and I am so embarassed because her 1st birthday I weighed 120 pounds and better than I ever had. Since then I have gained 30 pounds. It is tough stuff losing the baby weight and then gaining some of it back. My daughter has already learned the word fat, and that scares me. I don’t want her to think that she is fat. I’m right there with you girl… we can get back down. I know it.

  31. A Says:
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    Honey you look absolutely hot! I’m female, and if I saw you in public I’d probably drool ;) but I can understand what you are feeling. Just know that you look awesome!

  32. Paige Says:
    February 19th, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    Girl! I look just like you, actually i have more back fat, and my gut kinda sags and yours is still normal! I have a two and a half year old son and I have a daughter who turned one last month! I know what your going through! I also want to look really good, and want to be sexy, but i am having the hardest time actually getting up and doing something about it! But one day, you will be able to do it! Thats what I am telling myself! And this will all be a memory! We cant dwell on what we look like, we have to try and focus what we want!!! Im here for you!!

  33. Anonymous Says:
    February 21st, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Hi guys, It’s Sunday morning the 21st of February and I’m happy to say that because of all the encouraging comments from all of you I have already lost 8 pounds and 2 inches off my waist!! Few 18 more pounds and I’ll be posting my update. I hope I can do it.

    Layla’s mommy, it sounds like we have similar situations and I’m sad to hear that your daughter has learned the word “fat”. Keep being positive and let her see that.

    Paige, I had a hard time getting up and doing something to, have you posted your story yet? It has really helped me seeing the comments and hearing other peoples stories. It’s like a support system. If I can do it so can you. I’m here for you to.

  34. Megan Elizabeth Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    You look great! :) Those are beautiful boobs – I have a different problem; mine are tiny and droopy. You have such nice skin and no stretch marks – try not to let it get you down, it just takes HUGE effort. Just eat ‘clean’ foods, the more bare and natural the better. Things you prepare yourself are best, if you have time; if not, the crock pot is an awesome way to make healthy, filling meals. Best luck, love yourself!

  35. Lauren Says:
    March 6th, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    I would kill for your boobs! They are absolutely beautiful. :)

  36. Anonymous Says:
    March 11th, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    Hi! Just a quick update, It’s only been about 5/6 weeks but I’m down from 146 to 138. I’m on my way!!

    I’d like to get down to 130 before I post any update pictures. So hopefully it keeps coming off.

  37. Stacey Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    You do look beautiful. Actually, you look kinda like me, except my stomach sags more. Strangely, I don’t think I look beautiful, and yet think that you do.

  38. Kair'e Says:
    March 30th, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    You Look Fantastic! Im 19 and have two boys. My stomach and boobs and VERY saggy. My stomach hangs over itself and my boobs can almost reach my belly button. You truly look so good. My body didnt even look that good before my boys. Good luck in losing the weight you want :) God bless

  39. Anonymous Says:
    May 15th, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Down to 133 ladies! Getting closer,cant wait to post my updates! Thanks for all the support, it is truley helping.

  40. Bill Says:
    July 11th, 2010 at 6:41 am

    You definately have a great body and the baby pouch never looks as bad as you think when you have large breasts like yours. My wife was built the same way. Even if you dont have time for the gym anymore a evening walk with your 2 1/2 year old and a little home exercise will do a lot hang in there.

  41. LeeAnn Says:
    August 14th, 2010 at 11:25 am

    You have an AMAZING body, it’s completely beautiful. I love your skin and the fullness and shape of your breasts & your wonderful curves. I’d kill to have your body! Your doing awesome girlfriend.

  42. Anonymous Says:
    November 24th, 2010 at 11:44 am

    Wow. I think you look amazing! Full breasts with beautiful shape and gorgeous skin! I’m a 20-year-old who hasn’t had a baby, but I can tell you that I am jelouse of your body. Cheer up, you’re hot :)

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