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A Low Point (Anonymous)

April 6, 2012

Age: 38
Number of Pregnancies: 3 pregnancies, 3 births
Children: 5, 3 and 13 months
13 months post-partum

I’ve been reading this website for quite some time and am just gathering the courage to post now. I have always been a fit person- I never had issues with my weight, although I’ve always felt unattractive. I’ve had self esteem issues my whole life due to being teased about my largish nose and always being taller than anyone in my class. I also grew up with significant body image issues. Even though I was fit for my height and age (12 years old), I was encouraged to lose weight by my ballet instructor when I expressed interest in becoming a professional. When my parents decided to sign me up for modeling school, I was told at age 14 (at the time I was 5’9”, 135 lbs.) that I needed to lose at least 30 lbs. if I ever wanted to make it.

I grew up mostly living with my grandparents which is screwed up in its own way, but my grandmother shaped how I thought an attractive woman should look. When she was young, she looked like a movie star or a 1940s pinup girl. She was always large breasted and curvaceous, and told me when I was a little girl that I would look like her one day. Well guess what didn’t happen. When I was a teenager she would always comment that I was too skinny and needed to gain weight so my breasts would grow. She would also buy bras for me that were too small so that my breasts would be pushed up and appear larger.

So I truly did not gain acceptance of my body until I reached my late 20s . Then at the age of 32, I had my first baby. It was one of the best times of my life, I truly enjoyed being a mother and everything seemed right with the world. I did not have issues with my postpartum body at that time because I had very few stretch marks (mostly low on my belly) and my breasts didn’t change much after breastfeeding. After I had my 2nd baby it was a different story. More stretch marks crept up to my belly button and now there was sagging and stretch marks evident in my breasts after I weaned her at 13 months of age. I did not have time to focus on it much, though it did depress me, because my daughter had significant health issues that required surgery at 6 months old.

However, 13 months after having my last baby, I am totally devastated by what my body looks like. My breasts have totally deflated ( I finished bfing 1 month ago), one breast is almost 2 cup sizes bigger than the other and the stretch marks are so deep that my breasts look like they’re 80 years old. My husband is very supportive and tells me I’m beautiful all the time, but whenever I catch a glance at my naked body I actually feel disgust and shame. I wish I could say that I admire it’s ability to create and carry my wonderful children, but I just cry. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t want to have sex with the lights on anymore because if I look at my body while we’re making love, I end up crying when we’re finished. I don’t want this to ruin our sex life and I feel like my body shame impacts my mood almost daily. How do I get past the negative thoughts that nag me day and night, and how do I get to the point where I don’t feel like crying everytime I see myself naked? How do I get some confidence back? I want to feel sexy again for my and my husband’s sake!

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35 Responses to “A Low Point (Anonymous)”

  1. Melissa Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 9:58 am

    We’re almost twins except your smaller than me with less stretch marks actually I don’t see any! I think your beautiful and hope you will see that in our own time!

  2. Karla Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 10:29 am

    honey you got gorgeous breasts! they do what they are suppose to do and look how they are suppose to look…and that is hot! now…trust me…mine do the same when I lay down..but think about it…why are we expected to fight against our own body? breast do that normally…that’s how it is..so THAT should be beautiful…not a fake breast that stays all the time looking the same even if you jump out of an airplane (KWIM) You are beautiful…dont believe the lie the media and other want to tell you :)

  3. Gem Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    From where I’m sat, I think you look perfect. :) you’re beautiful

  4. Lucy Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    You look beautiful, your breasts look the same size to me, they are not saggy looking. Reading your history you were told, “lose weight! …gain weight!” -that would do a number on anybody’s body confidence.

  5. Milla Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    You look so beautiful!!!

  6. liz Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    You have a great body!I wish I had mine like you and im.20!! Buy a nice fitted.bra.and youl wil look great!:)rock the body that you have:]

  7. nicole Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    well hell Im 27 had 2 kids im 10 month postpartum and you look a hell of a lot better than i do. you look awesome! I wish i had the know how and courage to post pics of my self too so you would know how good you look. I wish i looked as good as you do. im ashamed to be naked in front of my husband no fault of his I just really feel like if i dont like my self naked Ill spare him LOL! truely though you really look great. im jelouse :)

  8. mrspetunia Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    You are beautiful! I don’t see a thing wrong with that body. Your breasts must have been super perky to begin with if they’ve sagged, because they still look full and firm to me. Granted, in the bending over picture they look looser but, heck, nobody’s boobies look good from that angle. Even an 18 year old model’s boobs would need some photoshop. You mention you were always fit. If you’ve fallen out of an exercise routine I would suggest getting back into one. Even if your look doesn’t change (and in my humble opinion it doesn’t need to) you will probably just feel better about yourself. Exercise seems to work magic that way. I wish you well on your journey, mama!

  9. Jamie Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Wow. You have such an amazing body, not only for having THREE children, but for your age itself!
    You should stand tall, because coming from someone who is much younger than you and has only had one child, You honestly have a beautiful body. You’re a lucky woman and you should wear the pride that deserves to come with it.
    :)

  10. Virginia Says:
    April 7th, 2012 at 2:02 am

    Hei!
    First I would like to comment your photos. Well, they do not look as bad as you see, really! You are not fat and your body is not that flacid. How many women in her 38 y.o. with 3 children have you kind of body? Think about.
    I’m 36 and I have exactly the same body structure than you, I’m in my second pregnancy and I’m feeling that my brests will be huuuuge this time and look girl… I’m not afraid.
    Going back to your pictures… I would guess that you have some internal conflicts which make you think in a pessimistic way about yourself, don’t do it! I know this is a very hard task to do alone, so look for some therapy (I go to therapy, but for other reasons) and get you confidence back. The life meaning is much bigger than some scars. I know I know that this is your problem now but I want you to know that a) you are not alone, b) the life is more that this, c) you have nice waist (I have never had a waist !!!).
    Hugs and believing or not, YOU ARE A PRETTY MOM!

  11. Anonymous Says:
    April 7th, 2012 at 6:07 am

    How do you get some confidence back? Look in the mirror again – you have a smoking hot body that any man would be proud about and happy with. Listen to your husband – you are sexy as hell and his opinion should matter quite a bit as he is the only one who sees you naked besides yourself – right?

  12. Stephanie Says:
    April 7th, 2012 at 8:31 am

    WOW – if that’s what you look like AFTER having three kids you are blessed. You have an amazing figure. Praying you can see yourself as others do – a hot mama! :-)

  13. Melissa Says:
    April 7th, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    OMG!!! You’ve had 3 children?!?!

    You look beautiful <3

    You're confidence will come from within. You should be proud of the way you look. Believe what your husband tells you. Men are good for that thing. Congratulations on being beautiful.

  14. Stacey Says:
    April 7th, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Thank you for posting, first and foremost. It’s very big of you to share your pictures. Your pictures have made me feel a lot better because you and I have very similar body types (except you have much larger breasts, lucky you! lol) and I think you look very feminine and attractive. When I saw your pics, I thought, wow she looks like me and it looks so much better on someone else! But, the truth is we are all much harder on ourselves than we are on others, so I’m thinking we aren’t really that bad off. And I bet your husband is still very much into you and your sexy mom-bod. And I can see why!

    Again, thank you for sharing, maybe I will grow the courage one of these days, too.

  15. river Says:
    April 8th, 2012 at 1:44 am

    I think your breasts are beautiful. They will fill alittle more over time. Your stomach and legs look fantastic! I get the feeling your breasts are your main worry. But seriously they look great! Granted there are no before pictures but I can tell you this much I’ve known women who have breasts identical to yours with out having kids. They’re very even in my opinion. What you could do perhaps to help you on your journey is to take pictures of your breasts every month for the bext six and compare the photos after that! Not a moment before. Then you should see a change maybe even get hubby to help compare the photos. You see them everyday so you won’t see the change. Give it a go.

    You look great.

  16. Anonymous Says:
    April 9th, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Thank you to everyone who has responded! Since posting this I have been feeling alot better about myself and have been going to a therapist, for the body issues and general self esteem issues. It does take time and I have seen some improvement in my body and my attitude. I really needed everyone’s positive comments- they’ve totally lifted me up!

  17. autumn Says:
    April 9th, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Your breasts look so full to me. I’m the same height as you, a bit skinnier though. I would love to trade bodies with you. My boobs get huge during pregnancy and breastfeeding (DD cups) only to shrink back down really small afterward (between an A and a B cup). My boobs are more flat and saggy. Yours hang but are so full looking. And your belly is perfect! No wonder your husband loves your body! It looks great!

  18. Michael Says:
    April 10th, 2012 at 4:35 am

    I am a guy. I found this site by researching exactly what you all are talking about. My wife of 18 years feels exactly as you do, hence the reason I’m here. She’s very reluctant to be naked although I tell her she’s beautiful every day. I honestly mean it. If your husband loves you like I do my wife, supermodel looks mean nothing. Just the fact that it is YOU is more than enough. No other woman can turn me on as my wife does. Her body is beautiful because it is hers. By the way, you look fantastic. And just so you know I’m not some loser geek trolling the internet, I was in a band in the 80′s. My brother is currently in a huge band. So I’ve seen it all. The “perfect” body doesn’t exist in the real world. What makes a body perfect is that it’s real and not surgically enhanced. I know this is only my opinion and there’s a lot of bull**** out there especially in the media about how you should look. Don’t listen to it. Men who are worth having will see your body as a reflection of you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body. All the imperfections you perceive are noting more than “character” marks of the legacy you’ve created in life. Be proud that you’re REAL and not Pamela Anderson.

  19. Pamela Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    I read your post and saw the pics and was amazed how similar your breasts are to mine. I went from a A to a DD and back down in between and A and a B. Compared to mine, your breast look so full in the third and fourth picture. Mine do the same thing when they hang, so I understand how uncomfortable it is and how it affects your sex life. Mine look just like yours in the picture where you are laying down..I feel so self conscious on my back because they go to the side and my rib cage sticks out since I have no breast volume…it makes me want to cry at times..I choose not to focus on them, turn the lights off or wear a padded bra..but I know why you are frustrated.

    You look great, you have three children I only have one, am 10 years younger than you and you look better than I do. Seriously I would kill for a tummy like yours after three babies..I would love to tell you love yourself and accept yourself..but I am not at that point myself. I can tell you that if your husband loves them, I hope you can one day come to terms with them as well.

  20. Amber Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Your body looks perfect to me!- I sure hope my body looks that good after having three babes!

  21. Laura Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 1:02 am

    Wowzers-you look amazing!! That’s a great body for a woman with NO children, the fact you have had 3 is incredible!!

  22. Nic Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 1:26 am

    I am 30 and haven’t started having kids yet and our bodies look similar! I can only hope I look as good as you and also kudos for looking so good after 30. Your my inspiration.

  23. Maria Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 3:36 am

    I feel the same way… I splurged on pushup bras and wear those during sex. My boobs look like theyve had a boob job and it makes me feel more confident in my appearance without surgery ( plus it’s cheaper and less painful).

  24. Adrianne Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 4:56 am

    You look great and your breasts make me jealous! I am now a practically non-existent aa cup, after feeding two kids. It makes me sad that you feel so bad about your body, as you really have a warped sense of how you look. You have body-dysmorphia! I hope you can overcome this and start to feel attractive and sexy, because when you are a little old lady and look back at these photos, you will understand how great you really did look. Please try to love your body – I am not trying to ‘make you feel better’ by telling you you look great, you really do! You just need to get your head on the same page!

  25. bebe Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Huh? Are you serious? I have never had children and I wish I had a body like yours. My chest is so small they don’t even make a bra my size

  26. Amy Says:
    April 22nd, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    After 3 pregnancies and births you look fantastic. Your breasts are still full (although maybe not the way they used to be for you), you have very little sagging skin on your abdomen, and your stretch marks are not very noticeable. I look like you after only 1 pregnancy and birth. Be grateful that you look so wonderful after carrying and birthing those 3 babies. Many women would be quite happy to be in your position. Another poster suggested body dysmorphia and I would venture to agree with them. Please learn to love your body. Look at the other photos on this site and realize that you have much to be grateful for.

  27. Lisa Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    I feel the same way. After 2 children, plus weight gains and losses, my breasts hang lower and look deflated. Yours look great to me, so maybe mine aren’t as bad as I thought.

  28. Brittany Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. My boobs have looked like that for almost 5 years! At first, I was devastated. I hated seeing my naked body in the mirror & I felt ugly if I wasn’t wearing a bra. I wish I could tell you some easy secret to self-love, but it really is just a process. For me, it took a year or two of concerted effort on my part to listen to my husband’s compliments, stop the self-judgement in my head, & learn to accept my new shape. The good news? It worked. When I was pregnant with & nursing baby #2, I missed my “pancakes” (I used to say my saggy boobs looked like pancakes tacked on a wall) & was glad to have them back when I was done nursing! It is very freeing to finally be able to look in the mirror & like what you see. I hope that one day you will come to accept your shape & love the skin you’re in!

  29. sheshe Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 6:28 am

    38? 3 kids? Your body is obviously indestrutible!!! you look great hun!!

  30. Bridget Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 7:21 am

    I cried. I feel the same emotions & responses to my own body image quarms. You are cerainle not alone!!!! btw….. I think you are georgious designed!!!

  31. James Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 7:48 am

    At the risk of sounding like a pervert…I am a man and I am looking at your pics thinking “What are you talking about??? That looks great, I don’t see lopsided, deflated boobs, I see breast, belly, hips etc that I would love to crawl in bed with lights ON or off. :)

  32. Jessica Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    You look amazing and your boobs are perfect. Mine looked like that with the stretch marks before I ever got pregnant or had my daughter.. I’m afraid of what they will look like once she is weaned since they def got bigger throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding..
    Get that confidence back up! You look wonderful all over and should be proud of yourself. Listen to your man and let him guide you to happiness :)

  33. Kate Says:
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:36 am

    what’s really interesting is that to me, you look beautiful! It really is in the eye of the beholder! We have such harder expectations and standards for ourselves than other people do! To me, you look skinny (I have been struggling with my weight since I was in high school) and you’ve got big boobs which so many woman would love to have because at least you have them!! You can push them into a bra and I bet they still look awesome!!
    The most critical eyes are always our own and if we could only remember that, we would be so much less hard on ourselves!
    I think you have a beautiful body and I hope one day soon your able to see it!

  34. Rebekah Says:
    May 2nd, 2012 at 11:45 pm

    I think you look great for 38!. I had two babys by 25 and was left with large, completely deflated, crepe paper breasts, where the nipple faced te floor and I had no volume. No expensive bra could fix them and I felt humiliated every time I looked in the mirror. I opted for surgery and it corrected my problem for me. Good for you for facing your fears and working it out with a therapist, that takes a lot of strength in itself.

  35. Kristin Says:
    August 13th, 2012 at 9:54 am

    You look awesome no need to feel any other way!!!

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