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A Dream Un-Attained (so far) – (Anonymous)

October 14, 2008

I have one beautiful daughter who is two years old and I hated my body afterward. I was single and I thought that no one would ever be attracted to me. I was disgusted by myself, and I couldn’t understand how anyone would want to have sex with me. When Brenna was 7 months old a friend of mine asked me on a date… I didn’t realize it was that kind of date until he started acting awkward and stammering with his words. It worked out and we are now married. He’s beautiful grumpy and we’re very happy together… We’re yin and yang.. and it’s just perfect. He’s 10 years older than me and has been wanting his own spawn for quite some time. After we got married we decided to have another baby, and we got pregnant very easily. A few days ago I thought I was 12 weeks pregnant. We went in for our first ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. They performed a D&C. And when I woke up the next morning the painful realization that I was not pregnant, doubled me over and I crumbled back into bed. I finally did get up and I looked in the mirror at the wreck my body is from 1 baby and how I’d wished it was still full. I feel so empty… like I felt after I had my daughter except I had her to show for it… This time I just feel empty. I know we’ll get pregnant and try again, but for now my body is just a reminder that I’m not pregnant anymore.

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10 Responses to “A Dream Un-Attained (so far) – (Anonymous)”

  1. mother2 Says:
    October 14th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. Grieve it. It helped me to name my unborn child to cope with the loss. You are a beautiful girl and are blessed to have found someone who loves you and your body.

  2. Christine Says:
    October 14th, 2008 at 1:57 pm

    You are a beautiful girl and don’t think otherwise. I also had a missed miscarriage (that is what it sounded like), I was suppose to be 12w 2 days and the baby passed at 10w 1d. I know how difficult it is to go through. It’s been a year and a half since then now. Email me if you ever need to talk.


  3. Sebrina Says:
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:50 am

    I know your pain all too well too. I totally understand the emptiness you are feeling. That is exactly how I felt. I was 11 weeks along, but my baby never went beyond 5 weeks. I still feel the pain from it and it’s been almost 10 years. Just know that the next baby you have will be that much more special to you. You are a beautiful couple.

  4. carrie Says:
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    Youre beautiful!! Im glad you found a good man! I hope you get pregnant soon!!

  5. Lela Says:
    October 16th, 2008 at 3:48 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. You and your hubby are ADORABLE together and you will get through it together.

    Best wishes for your recovery and peace.

  6. s Says:
    October 17th, 2008 at 7:35 am

    you look just like me! Im sorry for your loss. thanks for posting your picture.

  7. KeB Says:
    October 18th, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    Oh Sweetie, I’m so sorry for your loss!
    And I’m wishing you all the best and good luck for the future.

  8. MilkMama Says:
    October 22nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    You are gorgeous! And you have such a wonderful husband! You found a great guy!

  9. Kate Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    I just wanted to say THANK YOU for posting. I’m 14 months PP and I hardly think my body is attractive. I’m a single mom and there is a someone I’m thinking of dating but I always think who would want to sleep with someone with a tummy like mine. My tummy disgusts me it surely would make someone else want to barf. So I’ve been turning down date after date cause I’m so paranoid that it might get to the point and as soon as they would see my tummy they’d run. You and your husband look like a cute couple and you are beautiful! And I’m sorry for your loss…I can’t imagine the grief you must feel.

  10. Lee Says:
    March 10th, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    wow your gorgeous, you have a beautiful face too…any guy would be proud to date you, i mean if you were single. things will work out soon enough :)


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