This pregnancy took me by surprise. I wasn’t seeing anyone seriously and when I found out and told the father, whom I’d been seeing casually for about six months, he acted so shamefully that I knew I wouldn’t have his support in the long run. I was right, a couple months of no contact later, he moved to another country. I’ve always known that if I were to become pregnant I’d keep the baby, and I’ve always found pregnant women so beautiful. I imagined myself thin and fit with a big round belly, full of liveliness and energy. My pregnant reality is that I’ve already got some deep purple stretchmarks on the bottom of my stomach (hard to photograph), back fat, and cellulite everywhere. My breasts are sagging and I have no idea the shape my stomach will take after I deliver. Why did my arms get so fat?
I wondered if I’d ever wear a bikini again (pictured 1 month pre-pregnancy, and 35 weeks along), so I squeezed into my old bikini for fun and it was bittersweet. I’ve gained at least 25 lbs, probably more but I refuse to look at the scale when they weigh me.
This is going to be tough, but I’m so excited to meet my little boy, regardless.