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34 Weeks Pregnant (Dallas)

November 7, 2012

34 Weeks Pregnancy

The name you want posted with your entry: Dallas

~Your story or thoughts if you want to include something:

I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first child. I am expecting a little princess. My pregnancy was a total surprise. The baby’s father and I had separated in late March of this year, and I found out I am expecting in April. We decided that it was in everyone’s best interest if we tried to work things out. We started with a clean slate, moved to a new house and got all new furniture. Things were going well. I had the nursery completely set up, clothes washed and unpacked. I was ready for my princess’ arrival.

Two days ago, he served me with an eviction notice. I was forced to leave my home at 3:30 in the morning. Our relationship was perfect by no means, but this was completely out of left field. I am utterly broken and bitter. 8 months pregnant, and no where to go.

I can’t help but feel the pregnancy is the cause. Not the child, but the pregnancy. I feel like the worst mother in the world, because since this happened I have felt completely detached from my baby. Normally, I love feeling her move and wiggle. But every kick, every roll, reminds me of her daddy. Reminds me of the heartbreak. It’s not her fault, and I know that. I love her more than life… But I feel like being pregnant has caused problems. My self esteem has disappeared since gaining weight and stretch marks. And my self esteem disappearing made me very uneasy about the relationship, causing tensions between us.

I love my baby. I want her to be here. I want to regain my love for myself. I want my family back.

I’m quite sure this post didn’t even.make much sense. But it feels good to get it out.

I took these pictures of my belly today…. There’s nothing more I hate about myself than these marks.

~Age: 20
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 34 weeks gestation

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7 Responses to “34 Weeks Pregnant (Dallas)”

  1. shannon Says:
    November 7th, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Those marks will fade. I have to just say this though…if your boyfriend left you because of this pregnancy, then that is not someone you should even want to be with. A good man would not leave someone because they are carrying his daughter…if anything, that should have made him love you more. If you are going to be the slightest bit upset with someone, be upset with him. He helped you create this person, you did not do it alone. You daughter had nothing to do with it and she loves you!

    Good luck. You are a beautiful mother. Congratulations.

  2. Sara Says:
    November 7th, 2012 at 9:46 am

    First I want to say how sorry I am to hear what has happened. Your ex is a lout to say the absolute least. Second, I have to ask; did you both own the house? Was it only in his name? I question the legality of what he has done if the house was in both your names. Seek out support from any family or friends you have. If possible I would suggest that you seek legal advice regarding your eviction. If nothing else, persue child support from your ex. Third, you look really great. You actually look small for 34 weeks! Stretch marks are what they are. There isn’t much to be done about them. You either get them or you don’t. They do fade with time. My youngest is almost 10 months and mine are hardly visible anymore. Bio-Oil works very well. It also helps to keep your weight gain reasonable because the more you gain the more you stretch and the more stretch marks you get. By the looks of it, your weight gain is on track. You look lovely now and you will after your baby is born too. Just know that the only problem is your ex – not you and not the baby. You and your baby were the blessings in his life and he gave you both up. His problem. His loss. Be good to yourself. Please post an update when your little one is born!

  3. leah Says:
    November 7th, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    He is just one millions of men out there, and he doesnt sound like a very good one. Consider it a blessing in disguise. Soon your baby willbe here and things will be hard as hell for the first few months but it really does get easier! Your only 20 you have along life to meet a man! Just think if he could leave you like this, if he had stayed with you he could just leave his daughter too…who wants that? There is someone out there for you, and this ex of your isnt the one better to cut the loss now instead of later!

  4. Natalie Says:
    November 7th, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Ah my heart breaks for you, I wish I has some good advice for you, but I don’t. All I can say is that you are a beautiful person. Don’t blame the problems on the pregnancy, the issue is with your EX and him alone. He obviously has some deep mental issues to evict you like that. Love yourself, love your daughter, and like Sara said seek legal advice if you can. Lots of hugs,
    Natalie

  5. Katy Says:
    November 7th, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    My heart aches for you. I’m so sorry that something so horrible has happened to you. I hope that soon you will realize that you are better off without someone who would abandon you like that. Don’t blame yourself, self esteem, or the changes to your body for the failure on his part to love and support you.

    I think that its normal to feel some sadness when your baby reminds you of her daddy, but it will pass! You are by no means a terrible mother for feeling sad and detatched. I felt the same way for much of my pregnancy. We had twins and lost one of them. For the longest time I felt So guilty for being sad about the loss. I felt like I was somehow betraying the baby we did have with my sadness. But, pain, bad memories, scars, And Stretchmarks all will fade with time and a positive attitude. You will be a great mom! Tell yourself that, I’m trying to tell myself that every day. The fact that we worry about being good enough shows that we care and will be good enough. I hope things turn around and start to get better for you. Remember your princess and how wonderful it will be to finally have her in your arms! God bless

  6. Maira Says:
    November 8th, 2012 at 1:29 am

    I am so sorry for what has happened to you and i can really understand what you are feeling. I have 2 children(2 and 7 months) and at times when my relationship is tough i seem to feel distanced towards my little girls. I know its not their fault but still i sometimes catch myself blaming them for what has happened to my life and my sexy prepregnancy body. Or even getting babys with their father. I also sometimes wished i had never been pregnant so that i wouldn’t have the stretch marks on my belly, breasts, hips and knees. So we are kind of emotional sisters and its really good that you wrote your feelings down. You have to talk about your situation in order to sort things out. You will be a mother soon and your little baby will need all your love and support.
    about your boyfriend: No Man with a sense of responsibility would throw the pregnant woman of his child out of the house. If he didn’t want the relationship, he should have moved out and not put the stress on you. You already have enough pressure with your pregnancy and should enjoy and relax.He is not worth a second of your thoughts and if he is the way he is now then he would have also dissapointed you in the future. So be strong and believe that you can make it on your own. Their will be a much more decent Man for you and your little girl in the future. But right now focus on yourself, get support and be hopeful!!!
    Your stretch marks:
    Yes right now they look terrible and frightening. But believe me- i had the same on my breasts and thought they are ruined. Then after birth i started rubbing bio oil on them and now six months later they are literally gone!!! Please be very patient and give your body time. At first i had an awful flab and now my belly is healing and getting stronger and flatter each day but it took its time and i wished that instead of crying all day in front of the mirror i would have just enjoyed motherhood. So please dont destroy your bond with your baby. You will see, by time everything will be exactly like you wished. Believe in your strength, your destiny and lifes miracles!

  7. Alison Says:
    November 9th, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    I truly just went through this myself not a few month ago… My baby is a month old now though and I couldn’t be happier. I blogged through the whole thing- rememberbaby.wordpress.com

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