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21 Year Old Who Feels Inadequate in Her New Body (Anonymous)

June 29, 2009

When I got pregnant, we definitely were not planning it. I had got pregnant several months before our planned wedding date and as a result we pushed the wedding date way up and I was 3 months pregnant on my wedding day. I am still so ashamed that it happened that way. As a result, it was extremely hard, everything in the first year was so rushed, but I am so blessed that my husband endured it all with me and we came out on the other side. We were given a gorgeous baby boy, whom never ceases to amaze me. God has blessed us so much.

Now, that being said and done…I love being a mother, but after giving birth I really fell into a deep hole of depression regarding my body. I felt so disgusting, and unseen. It was like the world kept moving but I didn’t. I was fine the first month or so but then I hit a wall. I thought losing the weight wouldn’t be that difficult. I mean, I’m young, and most people I know my age that were my size were able to lose it fairly quickly…well, I wasn’t so lucky I guess. I had started out weighing 135 (5′ 10″ tall) and by the end of the pregnancy weighed in at a whopping 187 lbs. After I gave birth to my 8lb. 1oz., 20 in. baby boy, I lost about 20 lbs immediately, in the two weeks. I was pretty excited about that, but little did I know in the next 4 months I wouldn’t lose anything more. I even joined a gym and started working out 2 months after he was born, 2 days a week…and I mean pretty hardcore working out. I lost nothing. I got off birth control and lost 5 lbs. Since then I haven’t lost anything. It seems like no matter what I do, I can’t possibly lose another pound. It’s just hard feeling like what you want more than anything is unreachable. So if anyone has any encouragement for plateauing I’d deeply appreciate it. I just feel alone, this is my first child. It should be easier…

So, yeah…I’m working on myself. Trying to accept myself exactly the way I am, but It’s so hard. I don’t believe my husband when he tells me I’m beautiful. I feel like he’s watching all the other women out there who aren’t huge like me. I’ve officially become paranoid, and trust me I know this is unhealthy…so I’m posting on here because this site has been such an inspiration to me…and any kind words would help me realize that I am not as alone as I feel like I am. So does anyone out there identify with how I feel? OH and I must warn you…most of my baby weight went straight to my hips, butt, and legs. That’s where my genetics like them. haha and I also got stretch marks everywhere on my body…especially my belly and breasts. My stomach has a freaken basket weave texture now…and since my breasts went from a 34A to a 36C, I have what looks like sun rays coming out of them. haha

pic 1 …4 days overdue
pic 2-5…4 months postpardum

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19 Responses to “21 Year Old Who Feels Inadequate in Her New Body (Anonymous)”

  1. Lauren Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am

    Hey!

    You remind me alot of myself! I started at 130 pounds and I am 5’8. By the end I was 183!! Yikes! It’s real easy for the weight to pile on hey? I also dropped 20 pounds almost immediately so I figured the rest would just melt away. I’m 24 so I figured since I was young thats what would happen. And of course it didn’t. But with lots of exercise and eating healthy I am now back down to 130 pounds! I was working out 4 or 5 days a week and eating very minimal junk food. So with that said there is hope to being healthy and as a result looking and feeling good! I personaly think you are looking fantastic. It’s only been 4 months since you had your baby and it took 9 whole months to gain the weight. It might take a bit of time, but if keep scheduling workouts into your routine. Take Care :)

  2. billboardz360 Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 9:10 am

    thanks for sharing your story mom. you are lookin’ great and congrats on a successful pregnancy. you mentioned that you had been working out pretty hard but didn’t think it’s possible to lose another weight. frankly, that’s kewl because the weight was never the main issue anyway, it’s a distraction. the more important numbers will be things like your waist-hip ratio and your body fat but the fact that you are so tall the scale will never again be the best indicator of your success or tell the real story of your progress. i would love to help, maybe check out your current program(exercise and nutrition routines/habits). i’m sure there’s a solution. contact me anytime @ billboardz360@gmail.com. continue to gain that confidence mama.

  3. H Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 10:09 am

    Well some of the extra weight you talk about can be put down to the increase in breast size, so that doesn’t really count (take off a couple of pounds right there!)
    You don’t look fat at all to me, and stretch marks will fade. I use bio oil, as it helps the skin heal, and fades them more quickly.
    Also, it may be less about weight, and more about tone. That;s what I’ve found. I started pilates, and although my weight stayed the same, I looked thinner, as my muscles became more toned.Give it a try.
    Hope this helps XXXX

  4. mrs. petunia Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Hehe, I got the sunshine rays on my boobs during puberty….and I only went from a size A to a size (small) B! Anyway, I can really feel your pain. It’s so difficult to look in the mirror and not see the body or face you’ve imagined SHOULD be there. I just got done reading Bonnie’s entry about her stretchmarks/weight/stolen picture and something really resonated with me. She said that she DESERVED to feel happy, to feel pretty, to feel proud, and to feel worthy of love. I think that is the hardest thing to come to grips with. That even though we may not fit societal ideals of beauty we are still worthy of all those things and don’t need to deny ourselves them. It takes a lot of strength and courage to claim those things for ourselves (happiness, beauty, pride,love) but gosh darned it we deserve it. I truly hope that, weight loss or not, you embrace your self worth and see that you ARE a good and worthy person. Take care hun, I’m praying for you (and myself….when I respond to people on here I usually am giving myself a bit of a pep talk too (: ).

  5. Beth Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    You look great! Don’t beat yourself up, you are only 4months pp. Your body will continue to shed the weight in the coming months, you’ll be surprised.

  6. chelsea Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    you look awesome! your written description and your photos do not match up at all. wishing you the best.

  7. fee Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    umm..think you look fine, better than most atcually…no one is perfect, they are all photoshopped, i know, i do that for a living.

  8. elkebelle Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    It takes 9 months to put it on…it can take 9 months to get it off. It took me a full year and a half before I felt my body was fully recovered. (I had my first at 23.) Take your time, relax, enjoy your baby! You look voluptuous and wonderful!

  9. Miranda Says:
    June 30th, 2009 at 7:23 am

    Hey :) I too think you look beautiful! I am still carrying weight from before my first pregnancy that I wanted to lose and am now pregnant with my second! Things are going well though and I am hoping to start exercising (whether at home or at a gym, or even just at the park) when baby #2 comes!

    The best I can say is eat healthy, exercise, and don’t look at the numbers. Focus on how you feel while you’re exercising and remember we’re not all the same.

    I have more to say but not in a comment…would love to chat more. buttercups.nest@gmail.com

    Best of luck to you!

  10. Liz Says:
    June 30th, 2009 at 10:24 am

    you look great momma!!

  11. Skye Says:
    June 30th, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    Hey girl ~ you look great! And like others have said, you’re only 4 months pp. Are you breastfeeding? Everyone always says breastfeeding makes you lose weight – not me!! I’m also 4 months pp, with a VERY similar body shape to yours (all my weight is on the bottom, hips, and thighs while my upper body stays relatively thin) and I cannot drop a POUND. I was 130 before, size 6, went up to 158, and weigh 150 nursing. This has happened to me with all three babies. The moment I stop nursing, the weight just falls off. Hang in there! You’re body carried a baby for 9 months then went through labor and delivery. It’s going to take at least 9 months for your body to recover from all of that.

    And don’t feel ashamed you got pregnant before you got married. You two were committed already, and there is nothing wrong with that. This baby for me was a big surprise out of wedlock baby. It is what it is, life hands us all different lots.

  12. Tasha Says:
    June 30th, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    You look absolutely wonderful for 4 month PP! I am also 21 and almost 9 months pregnant with my first. I have been getting very depressed with the changes that have been going on on the outside (especially this past month) but with this website and stories like yours I feel that I have found an inspiration! Just be patient….after all you will be chasing that little one around in no time and there is no work out better than that!

  13. Maddie Says:
    July 1st, 2009 at 5:02 am

    I think you look gorgeous hun! Don’t worry, you’re body is still adjusting, you’ll drop more in the next couple of months, but seriously, you look beautiful.

  14. anonymous Says:
    July 2nd, 2009 at 11:40 am

    thank you all for you kind comments. it really means the world to me. i think each day it’s getting better…i’m feeling less and less unworthy and more positive. i know it’s going to take a while to fully be able to accept my flaws, but i keep telling myself that only God can say what is beautiful and what is not…and to Him i am radiant the way i am. =)

  15. Tiffany Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 11:50 am

    I have two kids and i look alot like you postpartum how do you feel better about yourself

  16. Joss Says:
    August 2nd, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    hey you, well Im the same height as you and should be having my second in 6 weeks or so…i started out at 130 and i am not about 144..not much weight gain but otherwise healthy (doctor even said so, I just didnt gain much)…Anyways…this is my second kid and I think with time you will go back to normal.
    it took me about a year to get to where i was happy with how i looked. I didnt join a gym, but instead went for walks every day at 30 minutes and oranges seemed to be a diet fruit like no other. Try eating lots of oranges, and yoga, since you are tall like me. As for the stretch marks and belly, well try slighlty loose shirts and tight jeans. Its an illusion, its make us tall chicks look slim. I know how you feel about your husband looking at other women, i feel that way too…esp right now.
    but from your pics, you really dont look bad at all.
    There are far worse on this site, i think you look good.

  17. Mike Says:
    August 19th, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    You breasts are very welled shaped and I think you have a killer butt!!!

  18. James Says:
    October 29th, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    I am sorry that you feel that way. I understand how many feel like their body is not good enough when compared to things seen on TV and movies and on the web. But if I were standing there with you and a fake looking model, I would choose you anyday. You are beautiful and very brave.

  19. Michael Says:
    September 14th, 2012 at 8:23 am

    You have a very beautiful body. Of course you can continue to improve what you have, but you should not at all feel inadequate. Your breasts are especially nice looking. Love what you have, and take care of yourself, and you will only continue to improve.

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