My name is Soph and 17 weeks ago, just before I turned 24, I delivered my first child – a lovely little boy.
I lost my first baby and had to wait several years to try to concieve my son. Such a wanted, beautiful pregnancy.
I weighed just over 90kg when I got pregnant, stayed at that weight until the third trimester and then suddenly put on 12kg. I had terrible morning sickness, that was then replaced by terrible anaemia.
I loved my bump. I felt powerful. I felt…beautiful. I felt like a woman.
My baby was born all of a sudden, there was no time to assimilate what was happening. He weighed over 4kg and I had a large placenta (that was commented on by the midwives!) and I seemed to have a huge amount of water.
Immediately post-birth, I felt fantastically slim, slimmer than I had been for years. And I haven’t really put any weight back on since then.
Then the baby blues kicked in and unfortunately haven’t really gone.
I am now thinner than I have been since I was 18.
And yet when I look in the mirror, this is what I see.
Someone told me to regard them as battlescars.
But I feel like a tiger. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. Embarassed. Saggy. Enormous. Ugly, Unsexy. Unworthy.
I still have to buy size 18 (UK) shirts because of my boobs…and don’t even get me started on my boobs. That is for another day.