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17 Weeks Later (Soph)

August 4, 2009

My name is Soph and 17 weeks ago, just before I turned 24, I delivered my first child – a lovely little boy.
I lost my first baby and had to wait several years to try to concieve my son. Such a wanted, beautiful pregnancy.

I weighed just over 90kg when I got pregnant, stayed at that weight until the third trimester and then suddenly put on 12kg. I had terrible morning sickness, that was then replaced by terrible anaemia.

I loved my bump. I felt powerful. I felt…beautiful. I felt like a woman.

My baby was born all of a sudden, there was no time to assimilate what was happening. He weighed over 4kg and I had a large placenta (that was commented on by the midwives!) and I seemed to have a huge amount of water.

Immediately post-birth, I felt fantastically slim, slimmer than I had been for years. And I haven’t really put any weight back on since then.
Then the baby blues kicked in and unfortunately haven’t really gone.

I am now thinner than I have been since I was 18.
And yet when I look in the mirror, this is what I see.
Someone told me to regard them as battlescars.
But I feel like a tiger. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. Embarassed. Saggy. Enormous. Ugly, Unsexy. Unworthy.
I still have to buy size 18 (UK) shirts because of my boobs…and don’t even get me started on my boobs. That is for another day.

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7 Responses to “17 Weeks Later (Soph)”

  1. annemarie Says:
    August 4th, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    You look great really !! you are only 4 months pp and your skin looks really firm your stretch marks aren’t that bad and will fade allot and your skin will continue to firm up, try not to be to hard on yourself you look great xxx

  2. Mina Says:
    August 4th, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    I’m so sorry you lost your first child. I’m intrigued by how you describe your birth: “no time to assimilate what was happening”. I had longer labors, yet I still felt this way…and I wonder sometimes if that’s part of the shock of it all, and even for me some of the baby blues that came post-partum for me.

    I don’t know your particular situation with respect to your post-baby blues, but for me it all got better over time, as I became used to my new role…and the stretch marks faded too. I won’t say it’s all the same, but everything got better and a bit easier. Good luck.

  3. 15 Weeks Pregnant Says:
    August 5th, 2009 at 7:17 am

    You’re a tiger, and tigers are the most sexy cats on this planet. You make me angry when you think of yourself as unworthy, you created a new life, I can’t think of anything more worthy than bringing a new life into this world, you did so and that makes you, precious, special but most of all WORTHY!!!!

  4. nico Says:
    August 5th, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    I have a pair of tiger ears and I put them on when I need to feel a certain way. Tigers are magnificent. Tigers are strong. Tigers can roar and climb trees and swim rivers and run across open plains like sleek bullets. Tigers are fierce mothers. And tigers have the most BEAUTIFUL stripes. You are a tiger Soph. You are a tiger!! Now go and rumble with that cub of yours :)

  5. bbk Says:
    August 6th, 2009 at 5:26 am

    thats EXACTLY what my stretch marks looked like..my dd is now 2.6 mths and they are completely silver..and not too bad looking i hated them then but im getting to not mind now..i so envy people that dont get any !!!

  6. Christie Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    Oh gosh hon *hug* I am sorry you feel that way about yourself, but you look great for 17wks PP. Stretchmarks fade before you know it. I’d LOVE to be lower than pre preg weight. (I am 5kgs over pre-preg and 6.5 over goal weight at 13months PP)I hope you come to realise what a beautiful Mum you are really soon xoxo

  7. Alana Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    I could have written how you feel myself. Being pregnant I felt so strong, sexy, and how a woman should feel. Now… Saggy. Enormous. Ugly, Unsexy. Unworthy. Those are all things that come to my own mind… but let me tell you, you are BEAUTIFUL! And our gorgeous sons are worth every mark along our way! :)

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