I am 39 going to 40 in 3 weeks. I have been pregnant 5 times and have 3 wonderful children, son 18, daughter 14, and daughter 13. I was in the Army for 8 years. (I got out when pregnant with my 3rd child). I joined the army at 18. I was 22 when my son was born. I weighed 140 lbs before I had him and 130 after. At 26, after my first daughter was born I didn’t loose the weight like I had before. Then I got pregnant again and knew that things would never be the same. I loved being a mom and wanted to be a better mother so I chose to leave the military when I was 3 months along with baby #3. I often wonder if I had stayed in would I have been able to loose the weight. I currently weigh 200 lbs. I struggle with my body and think I should look better. I know how to exercise and what I should eat, I read all sorts of books and try this program or that one. I tell myself it is genetic, all the women on my dad’s side are large. I think what message I want my teenage girls to see. I pretend that I am ok with how I look but deep down I know I am lying. I wish I had appreciated the way I use to look and get mad at myself for feeling that way. I do not want to say it is a daily struggle but I is often in my thoughts. Sometimes I think I must just be to lazy. Other times I think that life just got in the way and other times I just don’t care.
I look at the few picture that I have of myself and think how slowly my weight went up. I didn’t even really notice until I was in a size 18. I see myself 20 years ago and think that was a size 9, 15 years ago and that was size 6, 10 years ago size 14, 5 years ago size 16. I keep thinking that I heard once we are suppose to worry less about appearance the older we get and I wonder what age that is because I haven’t reached it yet!
It is not about stretch marks for me it is about the numbers. I weigh 200 pounds! If I had trainers and personal chefs and a driver to take my kids around like the stars do maybe I would be able to get that number down but right now I am in the real world. I have kids to drive around, cooking to try and fit in, work and house work and all the other things that go with life.
Maybe one day I will feel differently. I think this web site is a first step.