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13 Years and Still Have Body Issues (Anonymous)

May 14, 2012

I am 39 going to 40 in 3 weeks. I have been pregnant 5 times and have 3 wonderful children, son 18, daughter 14, and daughter 13. I was in the Army for 8 years. (I got out when pregnant with my 3rd child). I joined the army at 18. I was 22 when my son was born. I weighed 140 lbs before I had him and 130 after. At 26, after my first daughter was born I didn’t loose the weight like I had before. Then I got pregnant again and knew that things would never be the same. I loved being a mom and wanted to be a better mother so I chose to leave the military when I was 3 months along with baby #3. I often wonder if I had stayed in would I have been able to loose the weight. I currently weigh 200 lbs. I struggle with my body and think I should look better. I know how to exercise and what I should eat, I read all sorts of books and try this program or that one. I tell myself it is genetic, all the women on my dad’s side are large. I think what message I want my teenage girls to see. I pretend that I am ok with how I look but deep down I know I am lying. I wish I had appreciated the way I use to look and get mad at myself for feeling that way. I do not want to say it is a daily struggle but I is often in my thoughts. Sometimes I think I must just be to lazy. Other times I think that life just got in the way and other times I just don’t care.

I look at the few picture that I have of myself and think how slowly my weight went up. I didn’t even really notice until I was in a size 18. I see myself 20 years ago and think that was a size 9, 15 years ago and that was size 6, 10 years ago size 14, 5 years ago size 16. I keep thinking that I heard once we are suppose to worry less about appearance the older we get and I wonder what age that is because I haven’t reached it yet!

It is not about stretch marks for me it is about the numbers. I weigh 200 pounds! If I had trainers and personal chefs and a driver to take my kids around like the stars do maybe I would be able to get that number down but right now I am in the real world. I have kids to drive around, cooking to try and fit in, work and house work and all the other things that go with life.

Maybe one day I will feel differently. I think this web site is a first step.

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4 Responses to “13 Years and Still Have Body Issues (Anonymous)”

  1. Bonnie Says:
    May 18th, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    I think you’re beautiful. Maybe not a Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model, but who cares? How many of us moms look like cover models anyway? You look like you carry the weight well – you’re proportionate all over, as opposed to having a stomach that sags down over your groin or something. In any case, you have birthed and raised three children, served your country, and served your family. Kate Upton, on the other hand, has been skinny, posed on the cover of SI, and jiggled her butt around to a rap song in a video so raunchy it was banned from YouTube.

    So just remember what’s going to be said about you when you’re dead and gone. What people are going to remember about you…what your children and grandchildren are going to remember about you. I bet it won’t be your weight!

  2. Rachel Says:
    May 23rd, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    I weigh 200 lbs. too. It is hard to find the time for yourself when you are giving so much to your kiddos. But I think you can be proud of that! You sound like a great mom, and I think you look better than you think!

  3. Liliya - BG Says:
    May 27th, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Hi,first i want to tell that my engl is not very good. I`m sorry for that :)
    Dear you look great… the problem is not in this… the problem you have is how you feel. And to find the answer of your problem I think you must take little time special for you.
    I`m 28. I have two boys big is 6y, small 3y. I`m divorce since 2 years ant i know what is to not have time…. I care for kids alone…. work and everything about kids ….. i feel tired… i began to feel not beautiful (specially that my X left me for other woman)… one day i just say enought … I take time for me and everything become better…. I`m not a lots of kg ( in my country we use this to weight) but i was feeling the same way like you….
    Take time for you. And remember that you are beautiful … if you are calm down you will become to feel better … and after time will see you will loose some weight.
    Kisses :)

  4. Stacie Says:
    May 28th, 2012 at 10:35 am

    You’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Many “stars” are not. You’re being a mother to your children – that’s what is going to be important to them … not what your body does or doesn’t look like. People aren’t going to remember you for what you look like: whether you consider how you look to be good or bad – they are going to remember you for how you positively influenced their lives. Keep doing what you’re doing, and, in the end, you’ll have a life to look back on and be proud of.

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